Coming straight to the best sources

Okay, so I'm nowhere yet near goal.  But I do read this board a lot.  I don't post because I think maintenance people deserve their own spot, without new people horning in.  I'm in a bad spot, though and if any of you longtimers have been here and conquered it, I need help.

My husband has had a massive stroke.  Speech affected, paralyzed on the right side.  He is, however, going to make it.  I have an increible rehab a few minutes down the road where he is going to get the best treatment, and I'm told that he has age on his side and they believe that, with good therapy and hard work, he can come a long way back.  But we have a long, long road ahead of us.

I've been in a zone since my surgery and haven't wavered - but for the past few days have been eating chocolate.  I still do the right stuff, but have been stress eating some candy as a supplement, adding about 300 calories and about 100 extra carbs a day to my diet.  I didn't want to go on the regular board and get the "everyone has a bad time" comments.  I know its been rough, but I also know that, with my DH down, its more important than ever for me to be the responsible parent who has to stay healthy for our 10 yo daughter.

I've been telling myself this, and can't believe I'm still eating this crap.  Its the first time in almost 9 months I feel out of control. 

Have any of you hit a rough patch during the process, and if so, how did you yank yourself back on track?  This can't go on.

Good for you working to facing this early in the game.  I  had very smooth sailing, reached my goal in 9 months maintained for 2 years, no problem then the life got out of control, only way I could handle it was food.  Anxiety was overwhelmeing.  I avoided the scale put on about 2 lbs a month til I finally went to my Doc and Psych.  It took me 10 months to finally get in control when I had multiple thing****  I had my MIL pass away, my Dad in the hospital, Son in Rehab, work issues, dh did an early retirement, money problems.   I could handle 1 or 2 things at a time, but when I got hit with 6 at one time I lost it.  I started having anxiety attacks. Good thing is that I found when I got back on track and started exercising the weight came off.  It is hard dealing with things when we have used food in the past.   An additional 300 calories will add up if you continue.  If you can get in  a long walk each day or an Exercise video you can hopefully maintain and not gain until you figure out how to cope and thing get easier.  

You may be needing some extra energy and you are going to the chocolate for that, keep up on your vitamins, maybe bump up your B vitamins.  Keep tracking your food and weighing and if you start to gain, stop all the sugar as it makes cravings come back for many of us.  Maybe work in a good protein bar.  I like the Zone Dark Choc Protein bars. Maybe carry some diet hot chocolate.   Talk with friends and family when you want to get the candy bar.   

I am glad you future looks good for your family. You have worked hard to get where you are, keep with it.

Since your feeling out of control, and are aware of what your doing, maybe you can like was already said replace the candy with a sugar free version, or a protein bar..

I think you also need to take time out for you, like a  a long soak in bubble  bath,  so you have some way to release some of the stress your going through..

Also come to the board anytime things are getting you down for support, we will be here to listen..

and last of all i want to give you a hug     what your going through must be so hard... so please try and take care of you...

NewDawn, I'm so sorry for what you are going through ... and you are more than welcome here any time.  As someone who got back into the junk carbs and sugar during a hard time, I can tell you that it doesn't solve anything, it only makes it worse.  Sugar coursing through our systems just causes us to crave more of the same, dang it.

The above posters had some good suggestions to replace the chocolate with less dangerous things.  Give those things a try.  Also remember to drink water and water-based drinks until you slosh.  Sometimes the craving for foods when we aren't really hungry is thirst in disguise.  Maybe you can find a sweet-tasting drink that would feel like a treat.

But after all is said and done, make sure you aren't beating yourself up over this.  That kind of guilt only makes *me* crave more junk food ... because I deal with ANY bad feelings by eating garbage.  And, also, it isn't the end of the world if you eat a little chocolate each day; it isn't even the end of the world if you put weight loss on hold until your life settles down and just try to maintain your current loss.  I don't recommend that, because it is hard to get back on track, but you have to manage any way you can now. 

So take good care of yourself, and know that we are here any time you need us :-)
--Dorothy

Good morning darlin'.  First let me say I'm sorry you and hubby are going through this.  I'm sure the stress is terrible.  My own DH had a bad stroke 6 years ago and I understand the fear of the unknown you are facing.  My DH, fortunately, wa**** with the clot buster drugs within an hour of the stroke and sustained very minimal damage.  Yours sounds much worse.  But as you said, he's young, things will improve.
Now my advice, for whatever it's worth.  Realize that the stress you are facing will quadruple if you start regaining.  Heck, you are getting stressed now just knowing you are eating off plan.  Use that knowledge to help you stay the course.  When you want that chocolate, remember the stress it will cause, and reward yourself by walking away from it.  It's so hard, I know, when all our lives we've answered the stress call by drowning it out with food.  But it's something we just have to deal with.  I like the idea of a replacement.  Weigh and measure anything that goes into your mouth.  Keep an "emergency" bag of goodies (something you included with the daily allowable plan) around so you can munch if you have to.  The emergency bag, however, needs to be healthy.  Maybe some cheese chunks, strips of LF lunch meat, a few almonds, you get the idea.  You also might want to get a bottle of Muscle Milk Chocolate that you can nurse all day.  The protein is high and it will fill you without the carb monster jumping on board.
You'll get through this.  One hour at a time.  Keep us posted and vent any time you'd like.
Group hug!
Marie

No food is "evil" and no person is "bad" for eating comfort foods. It's a matter of moderation. 

The key is to educate ourselves about the science of foods: calories, fats, sugars, antitoxins, vitamins, etc.

You're stressed and want some chocolate? That makes sense, because chocolate has properties that release endorphins in the brain, which makes us feel good. That's normal.

The problem many of us have is portion control and frequency.
Think of chocolate like alcohol. Having a glass of wine to relax on a Friday night is perfectly acceptable and in fact has many health benefits. But drinking 5 glasses a day is clearly dysfunctional.

I love chocolate. When I was a pre-op, I ate 3 or 4 candy bars a week. I've learned that was unhealthy. Now I have a box of very fine, very expensive high end chocolates that come in little bite size pieces about the size of a marble. I have just one or two of those per week.

Some people can't do that because, like alcoholics, they have compulsion and or addiction issues with food. Others can. It's a matter of knowing your own habits and history.

Good luck on your journey. I wish you the best.

So sorry for your husband's stroke. If its any consolation, many years ago my dad had a serious stroke (and was in a foreign country at the time) and he recovered almost completely so you would never know it happened.

But regarding your eating, its good that you recognize this and look for some better alternatives. Trader Joes makes sugar free low carb chocolate in dark and milk. I find the dark pretty satisfying. Also I sometimes have a mini hershy's dark choc bar - the halloween size, and that seems to do it. Also I have a protein drink - designer whey choc - to which i add about 3/4 tsp of unsweetened coco powder which makes it intensely choc and tastes better. You might try some almonds dusted with coco powder. Or mix the protein choc drink of choice with coco powder added and freeze these into protein fudgesicles.

Atkins Endulge Bars are like a great candy bar and while they are a little higher calorie than one might like, they do have protein and are low carb and are a better alternative to other candy. My husband eats these alot. They have a choc coconut and other good kinds. And Power Crunch Protein bars come in triple chocolate and again have some calories but have protein and are better than candy. I eat these often.

Or try a completely different substitute.  When I crave a sweet I have a bunch of grapes. They are so sweet with no fake sugar taste and low calorie and because of the fiber they are filling and satisfying to me.

Wishing you and your husband all the best and feel free to post and chat in this group any time. You are welcome here and we hope we can help and support you.   Diane

I am so sorry that you are going through this, but am so thankful that your dh is going to be all right. I was 58 when my husband went to work one day, and never came home again. His stroke was too severe for him to survive.
Thank God that your husband will be able to work hard and regain alot of his abilities. You are right, though. It will be a long hard road. I am praying for God's blessings on you and your hubby. Also on your daughter.
Also praying that you can find a suitable substitute for the chocolate that you have turned to for comfort. I sometimes eat chocolate, but try to limit it pretty strictly. It helps that it does not appeal to me the way it once did.
Even if you did limit the quanities of chocolate you eat, I hate to see it slow down your weight loss, especially while you are still in the first year, when it's normally easier to lose weight. You need to try and make the most of the whole first year, and after that, it begins to get a little harder.
After this many months of hard work getting the weight off, I'm hoping that you can get the best out of your potential for wt loss resulting from your VSG, and get close to your goal by your surgiversary.
You have really done well with your wt loss. Congratulations!!!

Okay, I gave this some thought and incorporated a number of suggestions you all gave me.  First, I dropped my DD with a friend today and took time to soak in a tub, enjoying that I can do that now and had not been able to in over a decade.  I thought about how much I want to keep being able to do this, and cross my legs, another thing I just rediscovered.

I had a huge sob-fest for myself.  I've been really worried about DH and DD.  We don't have immediate family up here, so its been hard and I feel like I've had to be strong so my kid didn't get frightened, and my husband needed my positive attitude so he would not feel like its over.  With DD out of the way, I vented and boy, was it a doozy.  I felt calm when it was over and started thinking clearly for the first time in days.

I did put together an "emergency kit."  Normally, I don't believe in them for myself.  I want to eat a certain way, but things have caromed off the wall and I can't control it all right now, so leaving myself a healthy out until the workd turns rightside up again is better than Reese's PB Cups and bags of M&M's.  Cheese, a protein bar (which I had to buy since I never eat them),  and a few dried apple chips, for now.

Once I did this, I felt more in control and the day has gone the way its supposed to, eating wise.  I haven't touched the bag, but knowing that its there for me is strangely calming. 

The doctor thinks that when more swelling subsides that DH may have better abilites with speaking and moving.  His speech is understandable, so I'm happy.  He has difficulty swallowing, but is not on a feeding tube, thank goodness.  Physical and Occupational Therapy and speech pathology will start in a few days when he enters the rehab program close to home.

I've been trying to focus on the positives and am still doing that, but I'm allowing myself to fall apart a little because what happened is pretty bad.

The suggestions offered here were simple, common sense ones, but when it comes to food in an emergency I just operated in an old panic mode and wasn't thinking clearly.  Bad stuff happens.  I want to stay in my head and not use reasons to eat poorly.  Sympathy is appreciated but I didn't want to feel better about what I was doing, eating wise, if that makes sense.

It does help to have a plan and a strategy, and I am proud on you!  Its really telling and wonderful how having a strategy to fall back on, and ones that you have practiced become safety nets when life squeezes you! 

I am lifting yall up!  Nourishing and self soothing yourself in a constructive way, getting good rest when you can, all these are good for you and for your family! 

*squeeze*