It's been awhile, just a vent, a little warning- total whine fest, but I have nowhere else to share

I haven't updated in what feels like forever, and it's mainly because I have been uber busy, and overwhelmed.

Let me preface this by saying that I am 100% grateful, elated, overjoyed being pregnant. BUT I am struggling. I never experienced these feelings preop, I never struggled with cravings, or head hunger like I do today, and believe me, I try to fight it. I've tried the whole substitute for a better option and that fails miserably because then I just eat more of the "better option".

Not to mention the hormone flux, the absurd, unpredictable mood swings, and the overwhelming hate for the physical changes that are occurring with my body, we are closing on the house on August 31st. Tatum is due November 2nd, I'm having 2 baby showers because of conflicting personalities with different circle of friends, and overall, it's a lot to deal with.

I have gained 18-20lbs. I am HUGE, my body physically aches, round ligament pain, pelvic pain is a daily occurrence. I'm carrying Tatum super high, and least to say I am super short waisted, there just isn't room in there for a lot of baby. I'm having nerve pain in my left shoulder because of damage caused from the band. Some of y'all may remember me talking about even being in a size 2 jean, I had this little baby fat roll on my lower abdomen, well that little baby fat roll is a full on roll at this point. It's almost like my stomach is in 2 different sections, baby bump up high, lower fat roll. I never had to wear spanx or other control top things because it was so minimal, but now I'm seriously figuring that 5lbs of fat have come back to that area. I'm restricted on activity so doing anything more than walking is out of the question, hell I can't even drive for more than hour without having to get out of the vehicle to walk.

I know pregnancy is supposed to be a beautiful, glorious occasion/time of our lives, and I wanted this more than anything, we tried for over a year, endured 2 chemical pregnancies, and I am so elated that Tatum is healthy, growing and thriving so please do not mistake this whine for me being ungrateful, and NOT realizing that many others are childless or unsuccessful in having children naturally. I am well aware of how "lucky" we are. However, as a cautionary tale from one wls patient to others out there, I think it's only fair that all of the good and bad are discussed, just like with life post-op. Pregnancy as a skinny chick with a hint of body dysmorphia is NOT as daisy and rainbows blowing out our ass as we'd like to think.

I knew I would gain weight. It's inevitable, and I thought I was prepared for it. However, I was not prepared with having to buy bigger sized panties, maternity clothes don't bother me, those are a necessary evil, and I'm still wearing a size small in most maternity clothing as long as it's the full panel pants. I wear a lot of tank tops with an over shirt because most maternity shirts make me look even bigger with their tent shape.

I do realize that this is all mental/emotional obstacles, and I am very aware of what is transpiring. I only want to share with other that are considering pregnancy after VSG. Do not think that just "being pregnant" is easy, or enough to make all the "bad" go away. I wake up every day waddling out of bed, and hurting for the first 2 hours. I had to move the seat back in my vehicle to allow plenty of space for safety reasons due to the bump (you know that NSV of being able to drive without the steering wheel touch the belly, yeah that took me back), I'm scared of sitting in booths again, even though I have not had any issues, I still look at that space and think "Lord, I'm not going to fit".

I've read others that have experienced these feelings so I know that I am not alone. I might be in the minority, but it does happen.

Thanks for reading, letting me vent.

 I'm pre-surgery, I've been lurking lots and you've been an inspiration to me!  

I just wanted to to say that my two pregnancies were some of the most uncomfortable, miserable times of my life.  I don't think you're whining a bit, and I can completely understand your fears about the physical changes in your body.  I, too, went through a lot to get pregnant, but it didn't change how I felt once I was!

Hang in there, you look beautiful, and it'll all be worth it once she's here.

Hugs Tiff! I know that I was such a sick, miserable ***** when I was pregnant that we stopped permanently at two. Children ARE a gift and a miracle, but for some people (like me!) pregnancy is nothing but a pain in the ass! It will all be worth it in the end!

You are gonna get through this, back to your skinny ass self, and have a beautiful baby to show for the suffering... SMOOCHES!

Take heart sweetie  In a few months you'll have a beautiful baby and you can get back to the business of being a skinny girl.  Yes, you'll have to put in some time to retrieve that svelte bod, but you'll do it.  Pregnancy is a trying time, it's hard on the body, but worth the pain.  Hang in there.

Ah Tiff ... I can so relate to the round ligament pain.  Mine actually tore with my first pregnancy so the larger the baby got, the more it tore.  Definitely took the "joy of pregnancy" out for me.

I say you have a right to gripe and complain.  You have a lot on your plate growing a human, balancing well meaning friends, and a major move.

All I can say (and what you already know) is to focus on the good stuff.  Remember, you will not be pregnant forever and you have the best tool for getting yourself back into pre-baby shape.  Cravings are horrible with the pregnancy hormones raging.  Sometimes (and only sometimes) you've gotta just cave - they say it's nature's way of making sure you are getting something the baby needs.  Just don't resort to dirt and soap like I've heard some women doing.  LOL

We are here for you.  Feel free to spread the joy and the downs with us.

Can't wait to see baby Tatum's first pictures!

"I know pregnancy is supposed to be a beautiful, glorious occasion/time of our lives,"

Eh... 

When I had my first kid, I felt like that guy in Aliens who had an alien pop out of his chest. I really just wanted to get it over with and get the baby.

The second pregnancy was better though because I didn't shoot up as much weight wise (gained 50 lb. with the first even if 10 of it was water weight in the last 2 weeks due to a heat wave) and also because I knew what to expect.

Thank y'all for letting me vent. There are days that I am just so over being pregnant. I really thought I was prepared for all of this, all my good little habits that I had established, all my little tricks for coping with food issues have been tossed in the wind. . .

I have NEVER, I mean NEVER in my life wanted to eat sweets, or candy. Well, in the last 3 months, my cravings for sugar are off the chart. Ya know, beef jerky, and cheese chunks just don't replace a Snickers bar! ! ! I struggle mainly with knowing what I need to eat to feel good, and know that I have to eat more carbs, not junk food carbs, but more carbs for the baby. I hate fruit and already tried that one. Well, I don't hate it, but instead of just strawberries, grapes or melon, I end up making fruit salad with Splenda, some cheese, and I can eat ****pots of that stuff. 

It's just frustrating to feel out of control, and I really think that's the biggest struggle I have with all of this process. 3 more months, 3 more months ! ! ! 

First, I am glad you vented here because this is the place to do it.

Second, I bet your doc is totally cool with your weight gain level. Because of what we have all been through with wls and such, gaining a few pounds seems like a horror. But in this case its normal and necessary for the little one so try not to fret.

Third, sorry you are having so many cravings and pain and such. I don't have much advice as I have no kids. But just keep your eye on the prize which will be worth the wait and whatever comes with it. And once your wonderful child is born, I bet you bounce back weight wise and craving wise and everything else pretty fast. And all too soon you will be running and chasing the toddler. And it will be so wonderful that you are able to keep up.

So keep venting and keep us up to date with your progress. Go back and read your origional post on OH when you announced this pregnancy. It was so full of joy and happiness that it might help you focus on that end. Hang in there. We are all looking forward to the announcement.  Diane

Thanks so much Diane. And, you're 100% correct, all my docs, 2 ob's, and my surgeon are elated with my weight gain. My surgeon has been pushing me to gain a few pounds for over a year now, and he specifically told me that after I deliver, I need to focus on maintaining around 135-140 which is a solid 10lbs heavier than my normal maintenance weight. He honestly thinks that I'm just too small at 125lbs, and that it would help me with the hypotension, and other issues I have at 125lbs. Mainly, those issues are bones protruding, veins showing through my skin, and overall just looking "too thin" for my frame.

I think a lot of it is really feeling out of control. The hormones with this pregnancy are horrific, the cravings are absurd, and only hit me at night. I know that I'm a control freak, and that I thrive in a structured, scheduled little world, and this pregnancy has thrown all of that off completely.

Thanks for reading, and I appreciate your supprot.

I've been gone a while so I missed your wonderful news.  I know how much you wanted to get pregnant.  Congratulations.

Next I'll give you a big aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw for being pregnant in the summer.  It is a *****

Thirdly our heads are compromised.  You are SUPPOSED to be putting on this weight.  I know our head rebel at every ounce we worked so danged hard to lose, but out head is wrong in your case.  Babycakes needs those extra pounds and calories.  You were a very motivated loser and you will bounce back again.  If you are able to breast feed that will help to burn off those extra pounds more quickly.  If not, you will still do it.  I have confidence in you.