Saw a shrink today

The psychologist I saw for the required pre-op consults is starting group therapy sessions for bariatric surgery patients who are having food issues. Today's consultation with him was required prior to starting the group therapy.

I'll be driving to Des Moines every Monday for 8 weeks starting 7/11.  Sure hope I get something out of it, since I live 2 hours from Des Moines! 

He said that the emotional, stress, habitual eating habits will be discussed.  He said group therapy has been found to be more affective than one-on-one for eating behavior issues. 

I'm still losing, albiet slowly, but once I hit goal, my head went right back to my old mind games and I found myself wanting to eat the way I used to.  I've just got to nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand and I start gaining.  So, what did I do today before heading home?  Bought some peanut M&Ms!!!! WTH?!?!  Guess today's session didn't help much.  *Sigh*. 

{{*babygirl*}}}

Have you ever heard it said that when you pray for folks they tend to act worse before they act better?

This is kind of that.  Your Trix has been winning, and now you are threatening to reign her in.  It does not mean that the session did not work, it means that the session was threatening to the part that wants to stay immature and toddlery in the ways they comfort themselves.

Hopefully he can help you learn new conversations to have with your Trix.  When you get a flat tire, you do not slash all the rest of the tires while waiting for AAA, right?  Right.

So, just because you in a fit of the old immature impulses bought some M&Ms, does not mean you have to slash all your tires (eat them, or then flog yourself about it and then eat more crap, because who cares now?).

Honestly I have bought things in a fit of Trix winning, and then tossed them out the window or opened it and poured it in the trash in front of the store, once I got my bearing back.

Not always, but its a muscle baby, you gotta work it to make it stronger.  You know though. 

I know you have had a rough go of things, especially with your husband being ill - please be compassionate towards you and learn to see yourself from outside you, and use these sessions to their fullest!

You are loved.  Do not you forget it, lilla klown..

Your branni

Just a small hijack- when my kids play make believe, my 7yea old, Caitlin, takes the name Trixie for her alter ego. Whenever they are playing and she asks me to call her that I think of you! Ha ha..

That's funny Fawn!  When I see "Trix" cereal, I think of Brandi!  She is so influential!  In a good way!

I hope Caitlin's Trix has a sweeter middle name!  :} 

I think its a fun name, and loved when some friends had some funny dogs named Trixie and Norton.  Trixie is such a fun and sassy name! 

Oh my Brandi.  I wish YOU were my therapist!!!  I'm NOT kidding.  I think  you could start a support group/therapy group and get millions of dollars with your wise advice!!!!

You, of course are right on target.  Why I am not keenly aware of these things as you are, I don't know. 

Can you move in with us for the rest of my life to keep me on track?~!?!?!?!?!

*****y Trix is evil!  (MY alter ego to your Trixie *****)


Loves Ya!

I am glad to talk any time you like ladyfriend.  I am glad to share anything I can, I am not a doctor, I only cypher their words, but am glad to share, if I can.

I think the keenly aware comes from observation.  I have been way too impulsive for so much of my life.  Like the only thing that ever was was RIGHT NOW.  You know how in school folks had future plans or whatever?  I dont remember ever thinking "by the time I am X I will be X, have X, etc" Seems all there was was NOW and you had to grab what you could then, because tomorrow may never come.

Which has made a lot of my path a rough one when you look at it, but ultimately beneficial.  Trying to get OUT of those behaviors a long time ago, I started having to look and see where I was responsible. I couldn't point fingers forever :}

For me - the immature impulsivity is in more things than food.  It manifests in behaviors dealing with money, with time, all essentially equaling me (if we go back to the tire analogy) SEEING my tire is low, and then driving without filling/fixing it, and then having a flat, and THEN slashing everything.

A real life situation, this very moment that Trix wants to be the boss of my mind about:

1 There is a training program that I *really* would love to be involved in.  It goes step by step thru foundational things nutrition wise and body building/composition, etc.  I just recently found out about it and the next session opens up on July 6th.  Its 100 down, 100 a month, and its a year long training program.  There is the possibility of winning a lovely chunk of cash. 

*Beautiful things - this isn't a cookie cutter nutrition program, it gives you in depth whys and whats, the head fella did his college work with body builders, endurance athletes, works with Olympic teams, etcetera.  While I KNOW a lot of things, I am mostly self taught and I know X works, but I would like to know the whys of things and the hows of things, both nutrition and building exercise programs for myself depending on what I want to accomplish based on SCIENCE, not just "X exercise for X body part."

I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS AND THINK I MIGHT COULD WIN MONEY!! *can you smell Trix brewing up justifications for this?  I sure can.  All burners are full on, baby.

Reality - I have a *really* tight budget.  I have two things I need to pay off.  Fella is the keeper of our books (and that is a GOOD thing :} ) and so we both get X amount of money every 2 weeks to do our household duties with and have a little fun.  I usually spend it all on foods, supplements and gas with little if any left over, which isn't a problem. I am always glad to have food stuffs and vitamins :}.

I don't *need* to stretch myself any further than I have already.  I NEED to get this stuff paid down so I am not renting head space to the lack of peace that will come with already being strained PLUS shelling out more cash for something I don't NEED, but that I really WANT.

2. There is a binder/book set I can purchase for 100 dollars, have access to the total website of the above PLUS some access to awesome training programs AND some of the trainers. 

IF I CANT DO THE FIRST THING, TRIX REALLY WANTS TO DO THIS!!!  * Review conversation about why I don't need to stretch myself any further financially without having paid off what needs paying off.

Okay, the reality of the fiances is as above.  Also, the fact that fella is having a horrible time at work again and some more, and every other day comes home and would like to sell everything and move to Pitlick Nowhere. 

The reality of my situation with food is I KNOW how to eat to maintain where I am, I like to eat this way, It seems, by the looks of me, that I am FULL ABLE to devise plans to develop my body at this point now, and HAVE done this, and there is no reason I cant continue the way I have.  There is no EMERGENCY here. 

BUT I WANT IT!! 

So..see. Same same. 

I can be uncomfortable and make an impulse based decision and CONTINUE to be uncomfortable by doing #1, further extending myself, and for an extended period of time and reap discomfort if things go wonky financially, if I am off one payment, every month I will get to worry *maybe not outright, but the pit in my stomach now thinking about it says it WILL effect me.* Having money strain is going to challenge how I deal with compliance in reference to nutrition/exercise/ etc.  @@@

I can be uncomfortable for *maybe* less time by making an impulse based decision and go with option #2.  Until/unless something shows up that that 100 bucks would have served better and then I will get to have weirdness in my psyche every time I use it.  Again - this IS going to affect compliance.  @@@

I can be uncomfortable for a bit, make an all around wisdom based decision, and pay off what needs paying off, (all the time not renting out more head space to anxt, or giving PROOF to myself that I cannot trust my word) get the #2 option after all things are paid off, and if I care to, and am able to by then, do the #1 option in January (when they will start another program) and have already saved up some money for it, and not have put myself in a bind along the way, and gift that to me for my birthday without emotional strings attached.

@@@ Not only does this affect compliance, but this is part of the whole "If I cant trust that I am making good/better/best decisions for me and not breaking promises to myself, WHO CAN TRUST ME?"  And the answer is no one.

***

Its not always food, but the immature I WANNNA HAVE IT/TOMORROW MAY NEVER COME urge may well always be with me.  The best I can do is know me, and set me up for success.

Food will always be there.  I would enjoy and benefit from it MOST in a structured situation where there are no negative emotions attached to it.
Those things I want will always be there.  I would enjoy them and benefit from them MOST in a structured situation where I don't have negative emotions attached to it.

See?  Same same.  The impulse is the same (GIMME) and its a young impulse (meaning it comes from an immature place in us) but its an OLD impulse (meaning, we typically have bent to it for a long time). 

Giving in always makes it stronger, for me.  I have to remind me its a skill I have to hone and KEEP SHARP. 

But know this, you and me?  There is nothing WRONG with us, we are not BROKEN, we are not HELPLESS OR HOPELESS, but we have growth areas and that is OKAY!!  This comes with skin!

Its not good, and its not bad, its just the way we are!!

And we get to learn new ways to be compassionately firm with ourselves, and guide us into the next best decision.  Its our honor, to our dismay. :}

be sweet to you


PSSST..  Yesterday fella was again impressed with all the things I got done in my day (he is a man who loves a list!  :}) and that I went to zumba and still fixed him a yum and nutritious dinner.

I was folding laundry and he said "thanks for aways taking such good care of us baby."

I said I was sorry it took me so long to learn how to really take good and consistent care of us. 

He said "You ALWAYS took good care of us, baby.  You just never consistently took good care of YOU."

And he is right.

You - take good, consistent care of you girlie.  YOU are loved and immeasurably priceless.  Know its true.

**edited for some crazed spelling.

Brandilynn,

Do you have a link or website address for this training program?  Sounds like something I may be interested in.

Any info you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Absolutely!

http://www.precisionnutrition.com/

 Love it when you get all verbose and generous with your words...especially these because your wisdom stretches beyond *just* food and this time gives us financial pause..never a bad thing!!

Thanks for making me stop long enough for a great read..and leaving me as always with things to think about! 

MUWAH!