Could use your honest input on this. A bit long.

Just as you say, you are 5'9" and I am a 5'1".  There is a world of difference between those two heights.  I need to be a good 45 lbs. lighter than you to have the same BMI.  That is huge.  My self esteem is not hinged on any number, although I do try really hard to maintain and not lose focus and gain weight back.  I think I would like myself just fine at 5-10 lbs. heavier than I am, the problem is that I might not like the out of control eating that could get me there on a quick stop back up to 200.  I thought I was done losing at 110 lbs. and was quite happy with myself right there.  My body had other ideas and lost all the way to 101.  In order for me to gain weight, I would need to change the habits I have worked hard to acquire and there is always the chance that I would not be able to control the upswing.  This is not about my self-esteem but it is about my relationship with my mother and the fragility of my body image.  Hopefully with time, I will have ironed out these wrinkles and become more resilient when it comes to dealing with her opinions about my looks.  Even at two years out, this is still all new for me.  Maybe by the time I have maintained my weight for five or more years, this will become a non-issue. 

You do not need to change your habits to gain weight back. Add a few tablespoons of peanut butter and oil to your diet. Done.

Trust me, I did it. It only seems scary, but once you find calorie dense foods, it's not too hard. You can easily gain weight without eating junky stuff or eating a ton. (assuming you want to gain weight, that is)

Honestly, I would think at two years out you would be in a more comfortable place mentally by now. (I am not saying this based on this one post, I've been thinking this for months now) Maybe you should consider talking to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and body image issues, if you aren't already.

eta: Even though I know you are going to get royally pissed at me for this post, I really am just telling you what I see in your posts and it's just my opinion. I understand if you want to block me or tell me off. I will never mention it again, I'm sorry.

Dear Mandy,

I don't need to block you as I find your opinion on this irrelevant.  I did not ask for your opinion on my mental health but rather on my height to weight ratio.  I think you are projecting a bit and that is OK with me.  I use these board to talk through my thoughts on maintenance and that takes me all over the place sometimes.  I am good with that.  It frees my other real life friends from having to listen to my gain or loss stories and I am sure they appreciate that since they never had to deal with these issues to this same extent while most people on this board have dealt with body issues.  I think therapy in general is always a wonderful gift to give yourself and most of the smartest and well balanced people I know have regular therapy sessions.  It is with this in mind that I would encourage you to find a good therapist yourself.  Posting countless pictures of yourself in different outfits and perpetually changing your avatar points to something, I will let you and your therapist decide what it might be.  Meow!  :)

Real mature.

eta: blocking so I no longer have to suffer your posts and you no longer have to suffer my avis. lol

Elina, I don't know you, but I am only 4'11" and my frame isn't as tiny as yours. My weight is ranging from 108-110, which is about in middle of the BMI range for my height. I'm happy with this.  Personally, if you are comfortable at your weight, listen to yourself. Your mother is giving you mixed messages and she probably isn't even aware of it.She most likely means well, but doesn't realize the mixed messages that she is giving you.

 I get, 'don't lose anymore weight ' from some people and other people tell me that I look great. When my hairdresser said that I looked  frail, I laughed and said that she should see me lift weights and  that she just wasn't used to seeing me small. Heck, I have a difficult time seeing it.  I'm trying to get away from a number on the scale and to focus on developing more lean muscle mass and looking healthy.

If your doctor thinks that your weight is okay and you are in good health, and you are happy with how you look and feel, those are the most important things. Maybe, she isn't used to seeing you so small?

Gail

Gail, this is going to sound funny after all the hand wringing I did today on this topic.  I went out to look for dresses again with my Mom this evening.  Not to toot my own horn, but  I looked amazing in every single dress I tried on.  She admitted that I looked dazzling in them.  I bought a gorgeous bright yellow flowing couture gown that looks as if  I just stepped out of a movie set.  I took my own breath away when I saw myself in it.  Of course I have to hem it ( I know you will understand).  I guess what I am saying is that my Mom really got under my skin yesterday and I felt rather conflicted and a bit confused about body image there for a moment.  Nothing cures that faster than a successful shopping experience.  :)   I think I just need to realize that I am very sensitive to her criticism and that I need to grow a thicker skin where she is concerned.  She had me very young (at 20) and we more or less grew up together.  My mother has always been movie star gorgeous and even in her sixties she looks amazing whenever she goes out.  We went to a gala together and she was the most noticed woman even today.  She just has always had the "it" factor.  I grew up in her shadow and her opinion means so very much, maybe a bit too much. 

My mama was 16 years older than me, always the most beautiful, most lovely, most loved, and to all the husbands but my daddy and my 1st step father (and too bad about not being this for him :{) I was just a chubby little non impressive something that went with their trophy gal. 

I love her but as we have grown up, I have had to get to the place and sometimes impress upon her that I love her, but I am *not* her clone and some conversations are not going to turn out the way we mean for them to because we have so much history as "us," so we just cannot go there.

It was a hard conversation that was well worth having, but a hard one, nonetheless.

You know Brandilynn, the more I thought about this whole thing the more I realized this had nothing to do with my weight or even my body image, this is all about my relationship with my Mother.  I remember being the chubby girl that would look up to her with adoration.  She seemed almost unreal, like a beautiful angel that graced us with her beauty.  I remember going to Italy with her and men literally throwing flowers at her feet.  I am not kidding, it was surreal.  One man chased her down and put a bottle of wine from his store at her feet, bowed all the way to the floor, made a kissing motion to his fingers and walked away.  Even her name means beautiful in Italian.  Isabella Josephina.  I was in awe of her.  I felt so fat and awkward in comparison, like I could not possibly be her daughter.  When I shared these feelings with my Dad, he told me that her kind of beauty made men lose their heads but I was the kind of girl man would want to marry.  What I "heard" him say was that she was the star and I was the afterthought.  Not great for a preteen self-image.  But I am no longer that little girl and it's way past time to move on from the complex dynamics this caused between my mother and I.  She never meant to hurt me, she was just who she was and I learned a great deal from her. She never used her beauty to get ahead, she was also intelligent, wise, kind and thoughtful of others.  She was, and still  is, the full package.  I need to stop thinking of myself as the duckling who follows the swan and just enjoy her as she is not getting any younger. 

 
Hey Elina,

I need to put on my "Professional" hat on and give you an opinion based on "Social" normals.

Although I have a hard time judging myself because I don't have a real baseline to go by since I've never been my current height and weight ever. Heck, I was a High School Football Offensive Lineman at 225lbs. I can relate to your questioning your body image.

I have photographed thousands and thousands of people both men and woman either amateur or professional models and actors for mostly Advertising and Promotional Campaigns.

I have to make the "Behind the scene" decisions with clients on the "Look" of a person for the message we are trying to convey. Many things are considered depending on what were doing.....sometimes the overweight person beats out the skinny person because they represent the messaging better.

Here is my point/opinion....... First and foremost.... I might be cheating here... but I know you outside of OH from sharing the same surgeon and attending support groups. You have a very good grasp on this whole process and have been a very scholarly student of WLS. You seem to be very in tune and aware of what is right for you. That is what is the most important.

Now, I just want to be an impartial 3rd party film director casting for the part of a 30 something woman to be in a commercial or advertisement......

It's all in the "scale" ...... I would put you firmly in a "Socially Normal" category..... I would not foresee any red flags coming up that you were to skinny or to heavy. I think you have found your "Happy Place" and I think anything in the 100-110 range for "you" based on your height, bone structure and fashion sense...... is very healthy and normal !!!

On another note...... A shopping spree in Tokyo or Hong Kong may be in order for you.....with your size and style..... you would have a great time and a lot of the sizes would be correct for you !

frisco

Frisco, don't tell my husband, but I think I love you.  :)  A shopping trip in Tokyo or Hong Kong would absolutely solve every problem. More than that a short shopping trip to Milan could also cure what ails me.  As a matter of fact, I have been stalking Japanese and other Asian woman and asking them where in the world they shop.  There are so many of them that are my size and they look fabulous.  I still can't seem to get them to reveal their shopping spots.  I might have to hire a private eye to uncover the secret boutiques and learn the secret handshake.  :)   Thank you for your kind and "professional" opinion.  After deliberating on this all day today, I have come to the same conclusion.  Anywhere between 103-110 is just fine.  I don't think anybody else could have thrown me, but my Mother's words can still reach deep.  I talked to her about it today, and she took the whole incident much lighter than I did.  In other words she was just talking without really thinking about it.  She was surprised I was still ruminating on it.  I pointed out to her that losing 100 lbs. can play havoc with ones self-image for a while.  She agreed that she needs to be more careful about "just talking" but in truth I just need to be less sensitive to it.  Sounds like a great goal for my third year of maintenance.

On another note, Frisco, do you have any pictures of yourself as a Linebacker in high school?  I really would love to see that.  :)  I bet you were great, you sure have the heart of a champion and the courage of a gladiator.  It would be great to see you in your high school days.  If you have the pictures, bring them to group.