I Feel like I need AA for former fat people(OA??)

118.8

I know.  It doesn't sound bad.  To some, it sounds down right incredible.  But to me, it sounds like failure, defeat.  I was down to 113.0  a couple of weeks ago(5 de Mayo).  I was very happy, my clothes were fitting the way I like.   My surgeon released me from restrictions on my knee. Life was good.

So, it's 5 de Mayo and I went out to celebrate, whi*****luded dancing.  But I injured my knee again.  I'm now worst off than before my surgery.  I've been sitting around, feeling sorry for myself, and binging on junk, but not too badly.  However, I know from previous experience that once I allow certain foods into my life again, it's a slippery slope to the dark side.

I was optimistic, though .  Up until last week, I had only bounced up a pound or so.  But let's add insult to injury.  DH was schedule for surgery.  I started eating more junk.  He received a huge, wonderful food basket full of crap- cookies, chocolates, chips, cheeses, etc.  Guess who ate most of the junk?  Yep, me.  Then I went out and bought the most tempting foods I don't keep in the house and cooked meals that I normally do not prepare anymore.  The excuse is that I needed to feed DH well, and tend to his recovery.  I'm such a phony!  I know that I'm only creating excuses for myself to justify my abnormal eating.

Monday morning I promised myself that this all ended Sunday night and I was turning a new leaf.  119.6 was the official weight.  I behaved all day long.  I even cooked a healthy dinner of chicken breast and steamed veggies.  But once again, I binged all night long!  It's scares me that I can eat so much crap and not feel full or sick!

So here I am, laying my soul for you all see and to help me get back on my feet before 118.8 becomes 128, and so on.  I've never been to AA or OA, so I think it goes something like this:  Hello, my name is Adele, and I am a food addict.

Be kind, but kick my a$$ into gear.

I'm right there with you Adele. My life is in turmoil right now and it's so easy to want to eat over it. We addicts love to turn to our comfort food.

When I've had moments like that where I am weak, I have to just buckle down and throw the food away or get rid of it asap. Sometimes I take the food to work for other people to eat, because I can't stand to waste food.

But I know that I have to somehow get the food out of the house and then make myself some appropriate food to get me back on track. Hugs to you..

I think you're being a bit hard on yourself.

Life is full of twists and turns. At the end you need to straighten yourself out.

I think half the battle is recognizing that you have a problem. The other half is taking steps to correct it. Looks to me that your 3/4 of the way there. Sounds like you want some tough love.
But all you're going to get from me is hugs

You guys are too sweet

Hi Adele, I"m Jen and I'm a food addict too. You know what you NEED to do, but just can't make yourself do it. We've all been there, that's why we needed surgery. It sounds to me like it's time to work on the psycological reasons why you eat. A good counselor might be able to help you with this. I know I need to work on it as well, but have been putting it off.

You're right.  I've read all of the books, and they truly help.  I need to get into the habit of going back to them when I'm slipping. 

I'm good for awhile(more often then not), but then I fall off the wagon.  It takes me a couple of days of struggle to get back on, but thanks to the sleeve, I'm able to do just that.  I should look into therapy.  I wish we had a good support group here.  If anyone can recommend one, I would love to join!

OK, now that you got the hugs out of the way, here comes the tough love.  :)  I know that you know WHAT to do, it is the motivation to make good choices in the moment that is missing.  You are motivated in GENERAL to do the right thing, it is the small choices made many times a day that trip you up.  This is something that works for me, I hope you will try it.

1) Write down your plan of action.  I mean every little detail.  Your daily calories, journaling, water, how you are going to keep yourself accountable, vitamins, EVERYTHING should be in this plan.  The more detail you put in the better off you are.  The more you invest into this, the more it will mean to you.  I even schedule and plan my meals out if I need more accountability.  Whatever it takes to have a full plan of action, write it down.

2)Commit to spending the next week eating on plan, if you can't commit to one whole week, try one day, if that is still too much break it up into hourly parts.  Keep a tally of your successes.

3) Reward yourself for staying on track for a week at a time.  Plan the reward ahead of time and make sure to live up to it.  Make it big enough to count and really be motivational.  Spend some real time thinking and planning this out.  Do not just pick any old reward.  This is important, you must really need and want to get it.  If it doesn't grab you, keep looking for what does.

4) Report back on how this is working, make adjustments as you need them and own the whole process.  You can do this and I am so very proud of you for admitting that you are a bit out of control right now, because that is the very first step.  But if it is the only step, nothing will change.  Now that you have admitted it, you must plan and then act on the plan and then report back.  This really works.  I am pulling for you with all my heart because we are all you, you know.  Huge hugs to you and please remind me of this when I need it too. 

My job here is done, and I am off to eat  Tuna Poki and celebrate my friends birthday.  Yay sleeve.

Thanks, Elina.  You know, aside from tracking my food and weight, I've never been very committed to journalling to the detail you are recommending.  I will definitely try it.  I know that at almost 3 years(in 2 weeks), I don't journal my food religiously.  I've reached a certain level of comfort with my food that I think I have a pretty good grasp on what I'm eating and for the most part, stay within my limits.  However, as soon as I start to fall, if I start to journal, I'm able to stop it.  But when I continue eating this way and refuse to journal, it snowballs.  I've been journalling for the last few days, and it's painful to see it on paper(actually screen), but it's helping me to get back to basics.  I've been tracking it all- the good, the bad, and the ever so ugly.

I will take your recommendations to heart.  I am searching my heart for that reward, but I am so content with my life that (aside from a ridiculously luxurious dream vacation ) I really don't want anything!   I'm not a shopper, but I'm open to suggestions!

My first thought when I read that you are content with your life is an over flowing sense of gratitude that you have enough.  My second thought was that you are not thinking creatively enough about this reward.  I want to share with you one of my rewards that I have not up to now shared with anyone else.  I too am fortunate to have an amazing life.  I do not mean that materialistically we have everything, but we have everything I need and more.  I knew that I wanted to do something to help sick children as their cause touches my heart like nothing else.  I set a goal for myself to maintain my weight for one year and every week I continued to maintain, I would secretly put some money in a jar to eventually make my donation.  Every week I would try my best to maintain my weight because I knew that I was not only doing it only for myself, but for others as well.  Every week if my weight was up, I was motivated to make changes to improve my showing the following week.  At the end of one year I had a sizable donation and I personally took it to my favorite charity along with a letter thanking them for helping me stay healthy for a whole year. 

You don't have to do a charity, but there are so many things you might really, really want if you open yourself to thinking with your heart.  You don't have to chose quickly, it might come to you in a dream or a friend might mention something that will spark you.  If you are open to listening for it, it will find you and wake up your imagination. 

You are truly an amazing individual!  I will think long and hard for my reward.  But I do love your reward that rewards others at the same time!