VSG Maintenance Group
2 years out surgery, 1-1/2 for maintenance. Yaay.
Cept, here is the thing, its not by accident that we end up back there - its one choice at a time LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, but we make the choice without thinking/realizing/weighing who we REALLY are *not who we look like, not who people *think* we are* and what our real tendencies/bents/tender areas are.
I saw that thread, and one lady, I think, hit it on the head. That young lady's list of stuff is all about how she looks, and I *can* dig it! I can!! But what she doesnt realize is - for a lot of folks, espy with tender filters, when she speaks with such disdain for the vessel she is toting around, then other people tend to hear "if she thinks that about herself, how disgusting must it be that she find me?"
And I think that's why my hairs stand up and my big damned mouth/fingers blurt out things, because for so many of us, this *really did* mean life or death to us. It meant being able to move, wipe our asses, provide for our people, have less pain, breathe easier, make it up the freaking stairs, find a way to grab a tool to get us out of the holes we were in, and when some folks its more of a just getting back to comfortable in their skin thing I can appreciate it, but sometimes we dont realize our compliments/encouragement to one are really *****slaps to folks who are not/wont ever be anything like the one that our heart was to be supportive to.
My heart hurts when we make it only about how we look, and folks will touch on stuff that will ruin their family, tear their hearts out - and then sum it all up with "but hey! isnt it great I can do all this damage to me and mine in X size britches!!"
But, yea - that's again, just my filter, my bent, my tender spot. I havent gotten to the point where I am disgusted with anyone, how they eat, what they eat, it just hurts my heart cuz the thing that drives them to self destruction?
I have a double order of that in my psyche, supersize the flogging please, that I work really hard to stay aware of - because old habits dont die after a year or 2 or 5 of being X size/weight.
And when life squeezes us - all those old things we had done for X years before to comfort ourselves? Well, they are like those ratty assed sweatpants and huge t-shirt with stains and holes that are so easy to slip into, and it doesnt matter how much **** you get on them, cuz when you are living in those things? Numbz the word baby.
Blarh! I digress!
I would say to you, only put that picture of you on your friend if you find that to be POSITIVE encouragement.
Nothing tastes better than thin feels really only works when everything is good - when you hurt, life is **** your people are on your nerves and you cant stand your job, again - old habit siren songs.. they have a gravitational pull of their own.
Muwah baby.
I can relate a lot to what you are saying. When society focuses so much on looks it's like, what is the point of being a good person or a hard worker or smart when all that matters to some people are looks?
People have asked me why after losing 152 pounds I don't feel "successful". Because to me success looks different than a number on the scale or a size. For me I define success first and foremost as being at peace with food and feeling at peace with my behaviors around food.
While I have managed to successfully change my relationship with the quality of the foods I eat, I did this about 6 years ago, and really haven't made much progress in other areas since then. I still *use* food to feel things.. I'm just more careful to choose good quality food.
I also still have the urge to eat frequently and eat as much as I can at times, particularly when I am stressed or emotionally hurt. I have in the past eaten like a robot. Everything was the same day in and day out, portions and types of food, and it made me feel peaceful, both emotionally and physically.
So I know what peace feels like for me, and I haven't been able to get it back for a while. I also know that success for me would be able to do what I want to physically. I'd like to be able to run for at least 10 minutes at a time. Right now I can only do 2 minutes so I have a ways to go.
To me when people are so focused on looks and clothing and appearance they are missing out. I struggle with conflicting feelings about this because while I don't like the general attitude of society on this topic (vanity/appearance), it is hard to feel like a rebel in this area; it feels like I just have to give in to it if I want to have more options in society and experience the benefits.
Other times I feel like "why bother" because I feel like I'll only attract superficial people any way. It just seems like there are so many people who don't like themselves or their bodies unless they are a certain weight and I've always liked myself just fine at any size.
I know that there are always people who have liked me what ever my size too. Like when people post before pictures of themselves, and they are sometime smaller than I am now and then they say hey look at how fat and ugly I was.. how do you think that makes me feel?
Because I don't consider myself fat AND ugly, just fat. So when people are posting pictures of themselves and speaking about their bodies with such disdain, I also wonder what they must think of me.
Start weight: 388, Current Weight: 185, Goal Weight: 180, Weight Lost: 203 lbs
Certified Nutritionist ♥ VSG FAQ♥ sublimate: To elevate or uplift.
3/2012 Plastics: LBL, 3 Hernias Fixed, BL/BA, Rhinoplasty & Septum Fix. 6/2013 Plastics: Arm and thigh lift
Yea ' zactly, and while I realize its probably not their heart or that they mean that about anyone else but them - but I sure hear it, and sometimes my raised hairs tell me if I dont say something, then I am condoning it.
Not sure where the zen line about it is, between the say something or dont.
bah!
Much love to you!
Current weight: 170 lbs.
Once I reach goal, this cow will be killed & eaten... 2 ounces at a time.
Total includes 56 lbs. lost on 2-month low carb pre-op diet. Start date 9/13/10.
