OT: Where does everybody go?

I have been on OH for a long time & been friends cyberly and in person with a lot of people. it's has been a good experience for me to interact with folks from all of the forums - through the rants & raves forum (not the current group with that name) I met people at all different stages and with all different surgeries.

bottom line, people come and go a lot. sometimes it's good: real life just got so interesting they have less time to hang here!  sometimes it's bad: they have gained weight and don't want to face it by coming here and usually it's more complicated than that - some mix of good & bad.

just on this group, I don't see Ms Shell - who was struggling and I suspect is having a hard time - and Belize Sleeve/Cindy - who announced she needed a break and I hope they both come back when they can.

for me, someone talking about the book they read to get out of debt or organize their house is more helpful for working on my eating and food issues than someone posting about a new low carb recipe. that's just me, however!

I DO think it's life.

95% of the people who were sleeved with me aren't here anymore or just check in once in a blue moon. I'm friends with several of them on FB and they're all doing okay.  After a while, like Brandilynn was talking about, you've learned what you can for the most part. You've stabilized your weight at whatever that is going to be. You know how your body behaves. Weight loss and maintenance is no longer the first thing you think about every day. So, yes, I do think they're out there doing life!

I stay mostly because I like you guys and because I'm weird that way...this maintenance board is a draw for me because we DO discuss other issues than the nuts and bolts. And I've learned that FOR ME, keeping my head in the game and keeping the self-work as a priority is essential. But needs are different for everyone--maintenance is really an individual path. But I no longer read 90% of the posts on the main vsg board. I try to chime in once in a while if I can offer something specific that hasn't already been stated 500 times...

Lizanne

I think the majority of them moved on because they didn't feel the need for this anymore.  I too find that I spend less and less time on the main VSG board.  I have very little to learn there.  If this board was not around, I would have left OH months ego.  As a matter of fact this board started up just as I was contemplating disengaging.  I find that I really like the people on this board and I feel I have made some real friendships here.  I do need the support and camaraderie this place brings.  Even at two years out, I still feel that I am new to this maintenance gig and I will keep learning until I feel I really have a handle on it.  I am still a work in progress and I might be a work in progress until, well, forever.  I am worried that if I take my eye off of my weight loss, I will begin to gain some of the weight back.  For example, today, I really did not want to post my weight as it is at my all time high since reaching goal, but knowing that I will post it concentrates the mind for me.  Would I not be able to do it without it? No, I think I would still be OK, but it is another tool to stay focused.  It works for me for now and I love reading about everybody else's journey in maintenance.  I feel like we are all living out this grand experiment, and the results will not be in for many, many years.  We all have our own way of doing it and hopefully will all be successful, but I wish I could peek into the future so I could learn from it.  Reading the posts of people further out than me helps me do some of that. 

I am busy with life!  I work, have a home, husband, kids, and before this knee injury, I went to he gym 3-4 days a week, and weekends are just a blur.

I do lurk almost every day on my lunchtime , but I find that so many posts come up every hour, so many newbies, etc. that it seems overwhelming trying to read them.  Also, most of them are answered very well, so why throw in more of the same? 

Then there are some comments every now and then.  Most people here are truly wonderful, but there are some that can't offer support unless you struggle with their same demons.  I hate confrontation, so I rather just butt out. 

For me, I've been a contributing member of various internet newsgroups and support boards since 1994. So I have a lot of experience in skimming and skipping and figuring out what interests me and skipping what doesn't).

So I don't see myself leaving OH any time soon and could totally see myself involved here years from now. I don't always know what's going on with everybody and I don't read every post. I skim through the titles and pick out the nuggets that interest me, and I always find something helpful.

Sometimes it's a new recipe, or an article or a very personal share about life problems. Sometimes it is a post where I feel I can be helpful and I love the feeling of being useful, particularly when it's something I feel I have unique experience or knowledge about.

I think some people may leave because they don't necessarily have a balance with OH.. either they do it a lot but aren't really getting anything out of it, but perhaps don't have experience with making their time on the site more efficient.

There are so many things that just need to be skipped. I just don't even bother posting to them. I see sometimes veterans posting to something that they probably would have been better of letting someone else respond to. I don't get tired of the same old same old, because I filter it out pretty effectively.

Now a post from Frisco with some food porn.. that's worth opening up and looking at! LOL.

Was a surfer on the RNY board/site at first for a long time, until it was decided for me I was having the sleeve!! Became a member of the VSG board in Feb/08.

I may think, I know it all (LOL), BUT, can never leave, because I think I might miss some valuable information or new product, or even the odd friendship!!!..I've seen a lot of comings and goings but have all in heart. This is my VSG family, the people that understand.

Hugs

Donna

I imagine there are as many reasons for dropping off the group or OH as there are people. Probably most either reached goal or a weight they were satisfied with and felt like there wasn't much more to learn. Perhaps they just got interested in other computer sites or are obsessed with Angry Birds (this could be me). A few have probably gained some weight and are embarrassed. But in most cases I suspect its just lack of interest and plenty of other stuff to do; especially for a newly un-obese person reclaiming their life.

The real question is why many of us do NOT drop out?

Why spend so much time in this group or on the main vsg for those of us who have reached goal and are maintaining thus far?  For me its several reasons that I have expressed before.

First, I just get bored with TV in the evenings when hubby likes to watch shows with exploding aliens so I have my computer in the same room and I can converse with him but still look at things here that interest me.

Second, I guess I am a barriatric busy body but I still have a strong and sustained interest in  barriatric surgical weight loss and maintenance. Dunno why except that as a lifelong fat person who struggled and suffered and was flummoxed by my inability to solve the problem, I just find every crumb of knowledge interesting - maybe self  validating. 

Third, I am convinced that to sucessfully maintain my weight loss that I must set goals and take a proactive part in my maintenance management and not just expect it to happen by itself. So the more I learn the better I can do this and while the boards can be repetitious, there are new people and new gems of wisdom that are worth seeking out.

Fourth, I live in a remote area and while Lapsf does get up here for support groups at times, there is not much else in the way of support and studies show that the more support and follow up you have, the better you do long term.

So thats why I hang around - plus the fact I have made some interesting friends through this group. And I feel like I have learned a lot and part of being a somewhat older person is the pleasure in passing along lessons and knowledge obtained in the school of life. I am happy to share those lessons, some of which came from others on OH and some of which I learned on my own. Those who drop out are missing some interesting things, but life is full of interesting stuff and they have probably found some.    Diane

I am always a little sad when some of the long term people announce they are dropping back and moving on to real life things as they are often some of the most interesting people here. But nothing is static and those folks often make cameo appreances. You just never know what you might read when you check into OH VSG maintenance. I am always curious and also tired of the exploding aliens!    Diane

 I am still here, mostly lurking on the VSG and main board, and I am looking forward to being a fully fledged member of the maintenance board sometime before I die.... ;)

I heart OH. 

For me the main vsg board is mostly entertainment value.  I rarely post W/ info....suggestions etc.
    I do remain there to inform or inspire....newbies....in particular...the SMO....ones.   These are my target audience.....as this journey....is much longer for them.  They cannot  expect to get to "goal" in 6 months.....or 9.....or a year!   It can be "discouraging" to say the least!  
   I get PMs (just noticed it looks like PMS ha ha!)  from heavyweights...on a weekly basis....asking for advice....reassurance etc.  i do not BS them about the outcomes/limitations of this surgery.....for SMO people.....This ****  takes on a whole new level of commitment! 
    I feel like I have to "walk this fine line"  between telling SMO people "YES....this CAN....work for you!"  And....."There are NOT a huge number of SMO...people getting the VSG....or finding great 'success' with it!  So.....I'm torn...many times.  I cannot predict who this will work for....or why or why not?  I see so many SMO newbies posting...."my doc...or whoever....said this is not for people W/ higher BMI...get the RNY"  I want them to know..It CAN/DOES....work!  For me....my "reality"....my "experience"....it was a great choice!  Will this be a "great choice/outcome"  for other heavyweights?  Don't know?
      As A former 600lb man....i have a unique perspective/experience to share.  And to the people who need to hear it the most....I will continue to be here for them.  That is why i am still here.  I don't plan on leaving anytime soon!  
     I also enjoy the wisdom.....camaraderie.....and friendship...of the people i have met here!  I am so grateful for the info.....guidance....experience....humor....support.....friendship....that I have received here.....It has been invaluable to me......and I love everyone here for that..... and I thank you for those "gifts"

I have been on the Internet and before that on local boards since 1986. What goes on at OH is universal. It doesn't matter what the board topic is or how the board is organized. People come in, are very active for a while and then leave.

It's the nature of a message board. They tend to be repetitive and people get bored. Also, people are more active at different points in their lives and then their lives change again and they aren't as active.

For me, I got sick of the main VSG board ages ago. I hung around anyway for a while because I felt needed. But there are plenty of people there now to provide the perspective that I could provide. New people grew into that role and so I've skedaddled.

I spend most of my time on Facebook now because I can interact with my friends from all my various interests in one place there.