OT: Where does everybody go?

 
I was just reviewing my Friends List..............

2/3 of them are gone ????

Somebody posted that was 4 years out and I clicked on there friends list....and only recognized like 2 people???

You can't even tell me there all at goal and doing life ????

frisco

Why could not we tell you that, bubs? 

I think we all have such varying degree of "need" for input from others. Me? Most of what I have to share, the folks who care to hear it, already know it, and the folks who may need it? They do not care to hear it.  Folks here have been supportive, but my personal support *needs* are for vitamin/lab knowledge and whatever the hell about the protein issue, and nobody seem to have it/report it/believe in it but Marie - so that's futile it seems. And as for the what do I eat, how do I progress, why do I keep doing X thing - for me?  That stuff is not anything I need support with.  I do not need anybody to spot patterns in me, my eating, my weight, my attitudes, because for me - tracking all that stuff makes me self sufficient.  I do not need folks to talk me off ledges, because I learned long ago that the time you MOST need someone to talk you down - you are alone.  I dunno, its kind of like good leadership - you raise folks up to take your place, not to keep them dependent on you.  Anyway, I digress - how unusual.  :} 

'Course, that's me too.  I also do not have need/want to be accountable to anyone else because I am not under the impression being accountable to anyone more than being accountable to *me* is a healthy thing for me. 

This place can be a dangerous place too - folks get caught up in group think - that maybe they too should keep on losing weight, or that when they come back here even to share, they get caught up in the group "maybe just a few more pounds" think. 

Then some of us, me, have stuff that well meaning people share - but it leaks into my mind and I find trix trying to flog me with somebody else's body dysmorphia.  ***** doan need nobody else's gasoline can and book of matches.

And too, 4 years ago - I was a lurker and it was not nearly as active as it is now - and finding folks who were much further out were rare.

I dunno.  I mostly only mostly stay because I enjoy some folks and for the above vitamin/lab needs, and hope that maybe somebody else will know/get a clue/be helpful somehow with the protein issue, more than just "drink more shakes."

But otherwise, a lot of the support that some folks find helpful here - I do not at all, and probably would end up never having a real need for most of the information here, and there is a LOT more information now than there was years ago.

That's, quite literally, my $2.63 on that, were anyone paying me.  :} 

HiJack!!!!  I'm jumping up and down and screaming with delight!  Brandilynn is back!  You don't know how happy that makes me!!!

Now back to reality.  I sometimes worry that those who don't come back are not out living life, but instead are regaining weight and have given up.  I guess I think that way, because that's probably what I would do - go into complete denial by avoiding OH and the scales. 

I hope I'm wrong and that they are all out living a thinner, healthy life.  For me, I will have to keep on coming to OH for support and motivation, encouragement and some good laughs occasionally (thanks to Brandi for one). 

I do have a life, but a very important part of this life is OH and staying on track.  I've been struggling for a couple of weeks now.  Letting sugar back in.  Not good.  I know it is emotional.  But hard to avoid.  My DH will find out Friday if he had prostate infection or prostate cancer.  I'm frightened.  Trying to keep it out of my feeble brain, but the ***** keeps slipping in when I least expect it. 

Damn.  Sorry to have changed the subject, Frisco. 

*squeeze*

I am so sorry about the situation with your beloved babygirl.  :{  I am keeping yall lifted up.

 Well, I wonder too if some of the attrition is due to where people are in their process.  When I was deciding to have surgery and right after I lurked constantly.  And posted TONS (for me, that must have been 3-4 posts.  I was a mad woman!).  Eventually, though, I found a challenge in figuring out where I fit on the boards.  

My local forum is full of RNYers as that is the only surgery my province will approve.  Fine, and there are some experiences with bariatric surgery that are universal, but often the talk is about wait times or pouch tests or similar which had less relevance for me.  The VSG board was better but also was very newbie focused - I'm not saying that's a bad thing and I for sure hugely appreciated it when I was at that stage, but after 6 months I just wasn't finding it really helpful.  I would go on the VSG board and scan quickly and if Ms Shell had posted what people are eating I'd always check that out and often respond because I liked getting the meal ideas.

I didn't feel comfortable posting here until I was at goal.  That was MY feeling, fyi, because I am sure those in this group would have been very supportive regardless.  I guess my point is unless you find a niche on one of the forums and you drift it's hard to reconnect.

I'm here because I am really trying to figure out maintenance and I really, really, REALLY want to be a true success story and stay at goal weight for the rest of my life.  I'll use any and every possible and potential support system out there to help me make that happen.  Maybe this will fade, but I don't see that happening in the near future!

Finally, though, isn't it wonderful to imagine all of those people have indeed reached goal and are out living their lives happily and contentedly?  That's what I wish for them anyway.

I typed up this big long thing, but it sounded stupid.... so yeah.  Another attempt...

I'm with you.... no way they're all @ goal and living life.  The VSG is a good WLS, but it's not perfect.  But it's as extreme as I was willing to go.

You can paint a rosy picture and believe they're all out carpe diem'ing.  No way is it true though.  Some truly are out living the dream.  Some are happy and have no need for this place.  Some fail and are ashamed.  Some get busy with other life issues.  Whatever... do what you can for the ones who are here and hope the others are on the right path or find their way back on it.  Can't save 'em all, so save the ones who want to be saved.  Boy, that sounds almost evangelistic.

I think probably 25% get to goal or get close enough to call it goal and stay there.  Maybe that number is 15 or 20%... I dunno.  50% lose well, but never quite get there, and gain some back.  And 25% will end up gaining a good bit back--maybe not ALL of it, but they certainly won't be healthy.

Ah well... it's all I can do to take care of me, and that's who I am ultimately responsible for.

I think sometimes life just gets in the way.
 
I love coming here and I learn so much but I haven't been on in a few months.

Things have been so hectic I'm just now able to catch my breath and start getting back to a routine. And of course getting on here is usually part of my daily routine. Maintenance is doing well but I'm still learning and trying to keep the weight on.

Good question.  I know that for me, I was posting a lot in my first months because the LW board felt like my lifeline in good habits etc.  In October I had a back injury and couldn't really exercise until January so I was online a lot in the evenings.  In January I was able to start exercising again so after a 9 hour workday, I'd be in an exercise class or out walking.  A few times a week I meet with my WLS mini support group to walk.  Twice a month I go to Kaiser.  My time is spent working, exercising, shopping for food, preparing food, eating food, sleeping, reading, watching tv and seeing friends.   So all that leads me to read this forum and glance the LW forum, more than actually posting. 

I think that I also pulled back some because I watched everyone lose so quickly and every ounce has been such a struggle for me. Regardless of how many hours of exercise and how low my calories were, it was still a struggle to shed the weight.  I had to really let go of the "group think" about success being based on how quickly we got to goal. I used everyone else's success as another stick to beat myself with.  I had to focus on self love, appreciation for the journey and learning to not judge myself so harshly.  From the beginning I've always said, let's all meet up in five years and base our success on where we are then, not in the day to day losing phase.  I think that here I learn what the pitfalls as well as the positive habits are that will help me be a success.

This forum gave me another place to feel like I belong on OH. Thanks Diane!   I read every post from the day the forum started, but didn't feel like I could really post until I was close to goal. I appreciate everyone here sharing their journey.

I have to say Lee that I also struggle for every ounce and sometimes feel bad that I am not losing as quickly as other people or have so much further to go.    I can relate a lot to that experience. 

I learned recently that you can turn off people's signatures on OH so you don't see their tickers so if I get to a point where it really gets to me I might just turn those off so I don't have to keep measuring myself  against other's weight loss and speed and see how I don't measure up.  I wonder if that would work for you to not be triggered by that?

Also like you I don't measure my success by how quickly I lose, but by my behaviors.  The more I stick to what I need to be doing with regards to eating and exercise, the more I feel successful, and usually the scale also does a little better too, but not ever as fast as I would like.

I also measure my success on my mind, and how at peace I am with what I am doing and where I need to be.  I also base it on physical accomplishments, which is why it was so huge for me that I could walk 8+ hours in an amusement park recently.  That's better to me than any clothing size or number on the scale.

Now if I only could improve the amount of time I could run more significantly I'd really feel accomplished!

Well, I think for most people OH has a shelf life. After awhile you just get burnt out on the same ol, same ol. I doubt all of the people who drift away are out living life happily at goal. I would guess that many probably still lurk, and either do not feel the urge to post, or are embarrassed because they have regained. I know that I lurk almost daily, but it gets more and more infrequent for me to post. I jus don't feel I have anything useful to share with everyone- especially since everyone is so different. I also don't feel like at this stage there is much I am learning here... And I guess I don't need much weight loss support... I stick around for some friendships and the general support those friends give.