Losing Relationships

DrHollywood
on 5/5/11 3:43 pm - Harbor City, CA

Can anyone tell me why we lose relationships as we lose weight?
Are you willing to share your experience?

It hurts, but.... I know in my heart it is for the better.

                      ✿ L♦O♦V♦E ✿ & ✿ P♦E♦A♦C♦E ✿ღ ✿ & F♦R♦I♦E♦N♦D♦S ✿ ღ
                         "Keeping The Faith!"   "Slim by Summer!"
                                    HW: 250 - SW: 241 - CW: 154.7- GW: 140


1 month: 22 pounds (216) 2 months: 12.2 pounds (203.8) 3 months: 10.6  (193.2)
4 months: 9.7 lbs (183.5) 5 Months: 6 pounds (177.5 ) 6 Months: 12 lbs ( 165.5)
7 Months 7.1 lbs (158.4) 8 Months +1.6 pounds(159.8) 9 Months 2.7 pounds (157.1)
10 Months 8.1 lbs (149) 11 months +2 pounds ( 151) 1 YEAR!!! 2.6 pounds (148.4)


                                  Hit "One-derland April 9th, 2011   (199.7)

                                  "Half-Way Goal" April 25th, 2011 (194.8)

                                  "Happyland 80`s" May 14, 2011 (189.6)

                                   "Groovyland 70`s" June 20th 2011 (179.9)

                                    " HippyDippyland 60's" July 16th (169.8)

                                       " CQQL-land 50`s" August 25th ( 159.8)

                        "Normal BMI" 24.8 October 21st, 2011 (154.5) I am 5`6

                                 "AWESOME-land 40's" Dec 1st 2011 (149)

                              "Century Club 100 Pounds" Dec 1st 2011 (149)

                                ' ONE YEAR SURGIVERSARY!!!"

Two Year Surgiversary!!!"

annie_mo
on 5/5/11 5:48 pm - Sullivan, MO

VSG on 10/14/10

For me... There is something about taking control of our lives/health that gives us some kind of extra confidence. I would theorize that confidence gives some insight into not willing to put up with crap anymore. Perhaps it gives us the mentality that since we look better, we deserve better?

I tolerated far too much in my marriage for far too long. I had actually intended to leave this summer after my daughter graduates high school....that has been my plan for years.
However, my husband started therapy in December and things are going much better. Im not sure how everything will turn out.......but I will respect his desire to work on things and continue in the relationship for now.

Good luck to you....Annie

5'5 HW 238 / SW 198 / GW 130 / CW 119....Goal Reached in 8 short months..

DrHollywood
on 5/5/11 7:57 pm - Harbor City, CA

VSG on 02/01/11

Thank you so much for sharing.....
Also You have worked your sleeve wonderfully. I hope to do the same. Congratulations!

                      ✿ L♦O♦V♦E ✿ & ✿ P♦E♦A♦C♦E ✿ღ ✿ & F♦R♦I♦E♦N♦D♦S ✿ ღ
                         "Keeping The Faith!"   "Slim by Summer!"
                                    HW: 250 - SW: 241 - CW: 154.7- GW: 140


1 month: 22 pounds (216) 2 months: 12.2 pounds (203.8) 3 months: 10.6  (193.2)
4 months: 9.7 lbs (183.5) 5 Months: 6 pounds (177.5 ) 6 Months: 12 lbs ( 165.5)
7 Months 7.1 lbs (158.4) 8 Months +1.6 pounds(159.8) 9 Months 2.7 pounds (157.1)
10 Months 8.1 lbs (149) 11 months +2 pounds ( 151) 1 YEAR!!! 2.6 pounds (148.4)


                                  Hit "One-derland April 9th, 2011   (199.7)

                                  "Half-Way Goal" April 25th, 2011 (194.8)

                                  "Happyland 80`s" May 14, 2011 (189.6)

                                   "Groovyland 70`s" June 20th 2011 (179.9)

                                    " HippyDippyland 60's" July 16th (169.8)

                                       " CQQL-land 50`s" August 25th ( 159.8)

                        "Normal BMI" 24.8 October 21st, 2011 (154.5) I am 5`6

                                 "AWESOME-land 40's" Dec 1st 2011 (149)

                              "Century Club 100 Pounds" Dec 1st 2011 (149)

                                ' ONE YEAR SURGIVERSARY!!!"

Two Year Surgiversary!!!"

kikuri
on 5/5/11 10:57 pm

VSG on 12/19/08

Other people get intimidated by the change in weight, attitude, opinion, health, etc.

I got the worst responses from my extended family. After losing nearly ~150 lbs, I listened to some of them comment that I was "still fat" and too stupid to figure out what healthy eating was--this from the people who treat dieting as a bloody competition. Apparently my losing weight made their mother feel bad.

I don't speak to those ****heads any more, and gods willing, at least half of them will fail to reproduce.

[5'2": 35lbs lost pre-op. SW: 245 GW: 115 CW: 130.0]

(deactivated member)
on 5/6/11 1:43 am

VSG on 06/30/09

I can honestly say that I have not lost a single relationship since losing the weight. I think this mostly speaks to the fact that the people around me have healthy self-esteem. Everyone wished me well and encouraged me, none more than my darling husband. My best friends are still my their and I have made some wonderful new friends too. I really think I did a lot of "cleaning house" way before surgery. Yes, I have changed in ways other than physical since I have lost the weight, but I think the changes are mostly all positive and the negative changes are transitory and are due to the swing of the pendulum from one extreme to another, they will settle down in the comfortable and healthy middle. My friends all realize this.

(deactivated member)
on 5/6/11 3:55 am

VSG on 04/11/11

Having friends with a higher level of emotional maturity definitely helps. No one in my circle of friends had anything negative to say about me deciding to get WLS. They were all very supportive. Now, the interesting part will be when the changes really start becoming apparent. Hopefully all remains the same..

To D.Hollywood- I think some of the discord is from a shift in the pecking order so to speak. In close friendships/relationships we all have a part we play in the dynamic. When one person in the group suddenly starts changing the effects are noticed and felt. Whether it is purely superficial, or from an increase in confidence, activity, general happiness.. it doesn't matter. We change, physically and mentally, and when we do- the long standing dynamic is shifted. Some go with it and some fight against it.

Southernsleever
on 5/6/11 6:59 am

VSG on 10/08/10

I think it has to do with the group that you are in as far as friends go. I've noticed in groups I'm in there is an Alpha Female. Usually the prettiest who all the other women protect and look up to. If one of the other women is suddenly getting the most attention the roles shift. Some people can't do that they don't want to see the change. Sometimes it's just that they don't want to be the "fat one" or they don't know how to handle not getting all the attention.

As far as relationships if you have cracks in your relationship having WSL can make them into craters. My husband and I have had a pretty solid relationship however getting all this new male attention, which I never had before, could make things rocky.

5'6" Start-276 Goal-150 Weight loss Preop=5 Month 1=25 Month 2=10 Month 3=14 Month 4=3 Month 5=7 Month 6=9 Month 7=7 Month 8=7 Month 9=9 Month 10=7 Month 11=5 Month 12=5 Month 13=3 Month 14=4

tdjf_3
on 5/6/11 7:29 am

VSG on 06/07/10

So glad you asked this Question. Ive been dealing with this kinda thing lately and have really appreciated reading the comments

God Bless & Happy Losing!!!!

MacMadame
on 5/6/11 3:56 pm - Northern, CA

VSG on 09/24/08

I didn't lose any friends. I gained friends. But I had already cleaned house so to speak and I cut loose all my fake friends or friends who were users.

OTOH, I had less control over who I worked with and that's also where I had the most negative changes in relationships. To the point where I got laid off from my job, in fact... so I guess, in a way, I lost them all!

HW - 225 SW - 191 GW - 132 CW - 122
Visit my blog at Fatty Fights Back Become a Fan on Facebook!
Starting BMI 40-ish or less? Join the LightWeights

Mlkpas
on 5/8/11 1:03 pm - Pasadena, CA

VSG on 03/17/10

I'm like Elina -- I haven't lost a single relationship because of my weight loss. In fact, my relationship with my best friend is way better than every because now we can share clothes! LOL I think it helps that I was 51 when I had my surgery, so as Jo noted my friends tend to be older. But even my younger friends (the girls in my grad school program) have been nothing but supportive.

I guess I've been really lucky!

I'm 5'2" and 55 years old. VSG 3/17/10

VSG Maintenance Group

Losing Relationships

advertisement

Our Mission

Follow us

Links

Select Photos

VSG Maintenance Group

Losing Relationships

advertisement