Binging and Other Head Trips

You make perfect sense, and are quite eloquent.  Thanks.

it's cool to vent.  I find reading and responding to others helps me, so vent all you like!
 
Marie, our bodies evolved to put on weight so we wouldn't die with the next famine!  and also to live on unprocessed food and in a lifestyle that includes a lot of physical labor.

so I think we do pretty darn well not to all just give up and eat ourselves to death.  good for us! course I'm in a good mood because I don't have to work tomorrow, I just ate the world's best salad and I've been exercising regularly. *smug*

listen, don't let the not-weighing thing become a source of stress for you. it's just a suggestion, you weighed yourself so that's fine - it's not a failure.

when do we get to be at peace? when we relax. seriously, the exact opposite of what most people do. we binge and then we want to purge in some way: if not by throwing up or laxatives, by making up for it by eating less later. we want to "get a grip" have someone "kick our ass" or some other punishment.

short answer, we have to relax and start to care for ourselves out of LOVE and JOY and a feeling that we have other things more interesting to do than obsess about anything.

I know this is possible because I am doing better than pre-op, better than a year ago. this can get better!

This. Yes. 

I find that the only time I'm at peace with food is when I am KIND to myself and say, you don't need a candy bar to feel happy right now; you aren't hungry and you aren't starved and you aren't malnourished and you'll eat again soon.

It's hard for me to do, though. Very. 

there times it's hard for me and times it's easier. it's certainly worth working on!

I am with you guys on this one.  I work towards being mindful about my eating rather than being "obsessed" which is what I was for many many years. I am moving more towards being a peace, not there yet by any means but getting closer than I was.
I think I react as strongly as I do to the weighing, measuring. stringent about carbs because it does trigger my all or nothing/harsh/"eating disorder" critic selt. If not weighing is as stress as weighing it is still, for me in the unhealthy range that I am so trying to move away from. I do NOT mean that as a slam, just as a reflection for myself of the peace I am striving for and the peace I wish others could strive for in their own lives.
For way too many years I  believed the only way I would/could lose/maintain weight was to be very harsh/cricital and punish myself for the slightest straying off course. That eventually led me to 263 and an operating table in MX. I am trying to be a peace and being kind to myself as the poster above is talking about.
Not an easy road or mindset as it is so divergent from what I told myself for so many years but seems to be working well, especiallly when I move myself out of the way and let it work.

 Marie,

I think we all have moments like this.  I too wish I could just eat like my skinny son eats, he can take food or leave it, it makes very little difference to him.  I will never be like that.  I am with Ms. Shell on this one, if I am going to obsess about food anyway, I would rather do it this way and be healthy and skinny than fat and and unhealthy.  It is still worth it to me a hundred times over, plus look at all the great people I have met along the way.  I know that you agree with me on this, you are just having one of "those' moments.  We all have them.  We all want to be totally free from this obsession.

Well, we are all pretty new at this being normal weight thing. Many  of us at goal have only been there a year or less. So it stands to reason that we are going to obsess with food and weight somewhat because we did that when we were fat and now that we are not who can blame us for wanting to stay at normal weight because it just feels so good.

So you are still trying to find the balance and it may take a long time and thats ok. After all, we all spend our whole lives trying to find some balance in our lives as a whole and really thats what life is about - addressing problems, dealing with conflict and overcoming issues. The food thing is just one aspect of it. I see friends who have serious diseases and am thankful I was able to solve my biggest health problem by cutting out most of my stomach. Yeah, it was a perfectly healthy organ and yet in its normal condition it was making me sick. Don't know why this was the case for me and not for others but thats just the way it was and I am pround of myself for having faced the problem and so far successfully addressed it.    I think you need to remind yourself of what you have accomplished and how few people ever  do this and bask in that good feeling for a bit. And yeah, counting calories and worrying about what  you can eat can get old but compared to being MO its not so bad.

So vent all you want. it helps and puts things into perspective.   Diane

Thanks guys, you're all the best