I refuse to age gracefully! A novella

 This is something similar to what Sublimate brought up a while ego.  I have noticed a huge change in my relationship with aging.  Before VSG, I never thought once about it.  Yes, I could tell that I was growing older, but it didn't really matter as I was not paying that much attention to my appearance anyway.  I had convinced myself that I would become one of those very respectable ladies in my community that didn't bother with coloring their hair or wearing makeup to look younger.  I would simply except the aging process and grow wiser in my old age.  Well here I am eating my words, I had plastics, colored my hair, do my makeup, dress in young woman's clothes and bat my eyes at all the new male attention.  What has gotten into me?  Who is this new chick in her skinny designer jeans and her high heels?  Where is the studious, serious, dependable woman that every body asked advice from and dropped their kids off with on their way to a party?  Sometimes I just don't recognize myself.  My husband doesn't seem to mind, he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head at my new antics and tells me he likes me this way and not to worry about it.  But the other morning as I started going on and on again about some silly new make up thing I wanted to try, he did roll over look me in the eyes and quite seriously asked, What has gotten into you?" The truth is I don't really know what has go into me, I just know I am way too focused on enjoying what is left of my fleeting youth and I seem to be holding on for dear life and refusing to age gracefully.  I hope you are not judging me as you are reading this, I hope some of you can relate.  I don't totally understand this new me yet and i am still figuring out how my values, priorities and perception are evolving.  I am noticing a huge change in my consciousness.  

You go girl!!!! No judgment passed here!!! I think we should do as we feel, not what other think we should do!

I will be 40 in a couple of weeks, but, they say that's the new 30! Right?..LOL

Hugs

Donna

 Donna, we are about the same age, do you find yourself looking in the mirror more, focusing more on you than you did before?  My 30's were all about being a wife, mother, and career woman.  Now, all of a sudden, I want to just be a woman and enjoy my femininity.  There is a part of me that is really questioning my priorities over this.  I keep wondering if I am just selling out or if this is just a normal part of the process.  My Mom is very beautiful and has always been aware of her beauty, I went a very different direction, now all of a sudden, I am turning into her.  It is a bit dizzying. 

I always looked in the mirror pre-surgery, but, it was from the shoulders up. Now it is the full body mirror and enjoying what I have accomplished, so far. I feel that we have a new body and yes we do want to show it off! Why not! We don't need to be provocative about it. But, we want to share what we are feeling inside - out. And if it means dressing ourselves up and wearing makeup to share our beauty..Why not. We still have our priorities, but, I think we may finally put ourselves up at the top with everyone else instead of on the bottom hidden away. Like we did when we hid behind our obesity.

Selling out because you want to be who you are and not hiding behind the fat for all the prior years being someone elses uuuummmm...dependable person...Now, we are in our 40's and have our health back and should be able to enjoy life being beautiful, healthy, mother, wife, career person. But, I think we are doing it a lot better now because we are happier about life just in a different light!...

If your Mom is a beautiful woman and you are turning into her, gooo for it...Being beautiful and sharing it with everyone can only make everyone feel good!...It's only when we hurt others when we need to step back and look at ourselves...Ok, feel like I am rambling, but,...I say you be you!!! If Momma/wife/our friend(hehe!) is happy, everyone is happy!

Hugs

Donna

Donna, you are wonderful.  I really am enjoying this new me, I think sometimes, I just feel guilty for focusing on me for the first time in a long time.  Suddenly, I have become my own priority, right up there with the children, husband, work and everything else.  I am not last any more.  This is heady stuff.  In a way, I am a better wife, mother and worker since the surgery, but this I have had to make adjustments in my thinking.  I would not want to do this journey without you guys.  I love that you are here for me.  Thank you.

I'm right there with you woman.  I found myself today looking at PS before and after pics for necklifts and browlifts.  I must be crazy.  All the men at my hubbies work compliment me and I just can't get enough.  You have to remember that we missed out on a lot of that because of our weight.  But I can say that my heavy daughter who has always been heavy since high school and is now 30, has never ever found herself without a date.   How is that possible you ask?  Because she has such a huge personality and she's very pretty and most guys can look past her weight.  She's never hidden her body and can get the guys.  My skinny girl, well she's is in school for accounting and is more introverted than her sister who is a 1st grade teacher.  It all comes down to confidence and personality and I'm sure most of were to busy trying to find the best way to cover up our big asses.  I think if my heavy girl got the vsg she'd do great with it cause she has no illusions of being little like we do.  She's had the overwhelming confidence in herself at every weight she's ever been and kudos to her.  Hope I did't ramble...just took a Lunesta. : )

Laura

I say if ya got it flaunt it!  And enjoy it.  God only knows how fleeting it might be...

We did miss out on a lot.  I am jealous of your bigger daughter, sounds like she has a great attitude.  The funny thing is that I never missed out on dates either.  I married the world's best husband and I am very happy in my relationship.  Somehow, I did miss out on societal approval and now I feel Iike I am one of the cool kids.  It's fun to be cool!  :)   Sometimes, I start to wonder if there is a coast to being cool and do I really understand and agree with why I am cool now and not before.  I think maybe I am over thinking all of this.  I should just have fun with it, that is what my husband is telling me to do.  Back to trying on new shoes and face creams.  :)

Interruptus,

Tks for changing your avatar but only for a fleeting moment.....I've enjoyed reading this thread.

Hi Suzi, it's been a while since I have seen you around here.  I am glad you are back.  You know I wasn't totally sure where I was going with this thread, but it just got a live of its own and its been fun to read and be a part of.  Many threads on this board just evolve that way.  I love the people that post here, they are a great bunch.  Sometimes I feel like my sleeve sisters here get me better than the people in real life.  Somehow this surgery just brings so many similar experiences.  Anyway, glad you are back with us.

I relate!! I relate!!  I'm 57 and STILL refusing to age gracefully.

My mother was beautiful until the day she died (at a very young 73) and she was a big influence on me. She was super elegant. I remember going to the city when I was very young to I Magnin's, now closed but pretty high end at the time, and sitting in this great big dressing room, watching her try on clothes. She'd  only buy one fancy new outfit a year but it was really nice--she was big on quality over quantity. And did I mention, she was 5'7", 118 pounds--she looked like a model. I was also rather attractive in my youth. I really didn't get super heavy until my early 50's and menopause. I have fought my weight all my life, losing and re-losing 30-50 lbs. about a million times, but I did have many long stretches when I was THIN, thinner than I am now. So when I got heavy, I hated not feeling attractive, and I missed the attention and not being able to run around in heels and fashionable clothes. Shallow? Yep, I guess so. But I'm also a good wife, mother and friend and had a successful career. So concern about looks is just one facet--a facet that gets buried for many of us when we're fat.

So, strut your beautiful stuff, Elina! You are still the same studious, serious, dependable friend-with-good-advice you always were, just maybe not as available for babysitting! Seriously, you're probably swinging a little over on the "frivolous" side of things right now, but it will even itself out...and discovering these new sides is all part of this journey, right?

Lizanne