my cousin eats like I used to

just took a trip back to Minnesota because my Aunt died and I helped my cousin (also a niece) go through my Aunt's house. it was depressing for many reasons but I really enjoyed seeing my cousin  whom I love like crazy and only see at funerals the last few decades. we had fun together and stayed up late in the hotel talking.

she is SMO and eats just like I used to - huge amounts and heavy on the sugar.  she was really happy for me regarding WLS and being at goal and I wanted to talk about it but held back so as not to ...make her feel bad, I guess. I wanted to SCREAM you should do this, the weight is killing you but instead just made it clear I was happy to answer any questions.

what I noticed is how each time we ate - a meal, a snack, I knew deep down in my bones how it MATTERED what I put in my mouth, how it mattered regarding how I feel and my quality of life. and how I used to not realize this - for me and I think for her now - there was a disconnect between eating and how I felt. like, I could eat healthy for a meal or a day or a week or longer but I would still be obese and still feel bad so what I ate at any given moment didn't seem to matter.

I'm so glad that now I know, it matters. it all adds up.

but I didn't know how to tell her that and I'm thinking that isn't something you could have told me as a pre-op.

It's so hard when you love someone but they aren't there yet?  All you can do is be an example and hopefully she has lots of "food for thought" from your great example,    Sorry about your Aunt.  :o) Jeani

well ya know, people don't always act like they are interested but they may be thinking more than they say. A year ago I visited my family including MO brother. Everyone was complementary but brother and other MO family members seemed to have no interest in what I had done or how it worked.   So a couple of months later I decided I would make ONE phone call to him to tell him about my procedure and how it had changed my life. I did and i told him i was not going to nag, i was making just this one call but that i would feel remiss if i didn't share this information with him on something that had been so spectacularly sucessful for me. We had a long talk, I suggested a surgeon in his area , he decided to talk with his primary care doc, went to seminar and has now had all his pre op tests. He will have surgery in May.  So sometimes its worth being direct but gentle as some people have given up (hadn't we all) and dont realize there is a remedy other than rny.

Anyway, I am glad I spoke up. Not for every family but worked for me. And my neice and her husband are very obese and young and I am hoping they are next.   Diane

Sorry about your aunt Jackie.

I hope your cousin sees how much happier she could be and will consider WLS. You planted a seed!

good for you, Diane! 

Sorry about your Aunt.

I wish I could figure out what to say to my husband. But he is SO AFRAID of surgery. Any surgery. I just don't think he'll ever do this no matter what anyone says.

The part that scares me is that he's a heart attach just waiting to happen. There are no males on his father's side who haven't had a heart attack once they got into their 50s and most of them died from heart conditions. He's got all the markers that he's next and it's killing me.

Wow, is he more afraid of surgery then he is of having a heart attack? I think the heart attack thing is much more scary and much more likely to result in his death if he doesn't do the surgery, KWIM? 

My mother just keeled over at her desk at the age of 60.. no warning, no nothing.. they could not revive her or save her. The risk of death with this surgery is so incredibly low!  Especially since you have surgery with a great guy like Dr. C and you are in a place where they have all the life saving equipment available and ready to go. 

As opposed to when you have a heart attack at some random point and there would have to be a miracle for a defib to just happen to be there.  The logic that he is using to be more scared of surgery than heart attack at some random point does not make sense to me. Are you sure that's the real reason and only reason he won't do it?

It's not a logical thing. He is scared of the heart attack. But the surgery thing is a real phobia. When I had my gallbladder out, I was in the hospital for 4 days and he came to visit me every day but he was white as a sheet the whole time and didn't stay long. When I had my first c-section, I though *he* was going to pass out and he had a death grip on my hand the entire time. He also nagged me to death about this surgery and maybe I should try this and that until I had to tell him to STFU (but nicely). Of course, once it was over and I lived, he was fine with it.

I just can't see him *chosing* surgery. If surgery choses him (like having a quadruple bypass in an emergency situation), then somehow that's different.

Aw, Marie, I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have been such a success, that one could hope that would inspire him and relieve some of his fears. People do have to be ready for WLS, since it is such a life changing event. (((HUGS))). Maybe, you could write him a letter, explaining how you feel about the situation and that you want him with you. It is a difficult situation.