The Phenomenology of Vanity

I would be terrified of plastic surgery but if I could afford it I'd have my face & neck lifted for sure. I just want to look good for awhile and then I'll be ok with getting old. I swear!

Yes, I feel if I could just look good for at least a few years I'd be okay with that.  That's why I went ahead and had my lower body lift at 47 years of age.  I feel that I robbed myself of my youth and now I just want it back for a little while.  But I do see my age so much more with this skinny face of mine.

Laura

I was more like Dorothy and Diane.  I dressed as well as I could, in fact went out of my way to find "designer" clothes for work (the few that were available) because they were well made, well cut, draped nicely, etc.  I wouldn't take out the trash without make-up, and still won't, LOL!  Clothes had to be clean, pressed, in good repair, separates had to go together well, I carefully picked out my accessories for each outfit, yada yada, and all that still applies.  But none of it came from self-esteem.  Rather it came from fear of judgement, and still does to some degree, although I do enjoy looking good in an outfit these days, even with 20 lbs still to go.  No "What Not To Wear" for me!

Years ago I had a very close friend about the same weight as me probably 240-250 lbs back then. I met her in a group setting, and we would go to meetings, out for coffee afterwards, as well as dinners, movies, shopping, the usual stuff that BFFs do.  She would wear things that had food stains or with rips in the seams, etc., yet she had more confidence than anyone I've ever known.  I marveled that she had the nerve to do that... Not me, that's for sure!  I felt like people could criticize me (in their minds) for being fat, but never for being sloppy, but she didn't seem to care, and if I had to describe her attitude it was that, carefree.  I envied her.

I never cared that much about what I wore and I pretty much never wear makeup. I think of makeup as for the stage. So I wear it to a party or when I competed in ice skating (a performance). So that hasn't really changed.

I also was never one to give myself a lot of negative self-talk about my body and that hasn't changed either.
  But I do think I am more vain now.   I look in the mirror more. I also pretty much love my body and how great I look in general. Sure, I have problem areas that sometimes smack me in the face and distress me, but mostly I look fantastic in clothes and I think I tend to think I'm some sort of gorgeous model instead of a middle-aged woman.

I do dress nicer now as well. But that's because the same amount of effort leads to a much better result. Plus now I know I can put in just slightly more effort and get a big return for it so suddenly it's worth it to do so, at least some of the time.

I have experienced "wanting to get as small as possible" thing and that I do think is about control and also about realizing you are just so close to perfection that, maybe, if you just worked a "leetle beet" harder, it would come. Plus, it can be hard to get out of that dieter's mentality where you are getting major rewards from losing. But eventually it levels off and the "rest of our life" thinking comes into play more and more. Part of me thinks: if I could just lose another 4% body fat and get some PS, I could fit into a size zero! The rest of me thinks: buy why bother - I look pretty great now.

I'm a little over 2 years out from my vsg. I weigh 115# and I am 5'2". I am 53 years old. I am currently sitting in a Hampton Inn recovering from thigh surgery with Dr Sauceda in Mexico. I am researching now for my next thing, which will be a vi peel and some sculptra for my face.  I don't subscribe to the thing, oh because I'm 50+ I should be content. I am a beautiful woman and intend to do everything to stay that way, and screw anybody who thinks I'm vain, hell, I am.  The vsg was just the beginning for me, I am still a work in progress.  I was so happy to be back in a size 5-6, and now I am so happy to have gotten my hanging drooping thighs done, and I will be so happy when I get my skin care. I work hard and have paid for all of this out of my own pocket. I want to look as good as possible for as long as possible. I deserve it! and I don't care who thinks I'm vain or too old. I'm not apologizing. It's my money and my body. And I STILL turn heads!