Just over two years out...seeking positive reinforcement

Greetings to everyone here on this board---
I am posting with the hope that others who might be facing similar struggles will
share their story and thus help me with feelings of insecurity about not having completely "succeeded"... 
I was sleeved in March two years ago, and in a little over a year had lost about 75 lbs---my goal was to lose 95 lbs. for a goal weight of 150.   I was really happy about my progress and felt confident that I would eventually lose the last 20 lbs and reach my goal within two years. 
But I haven't.  I am quite stuck...
At one point last fall I was able to get to about 168 but that was with almost a starvation regime--eating so very little that I knew it could not be sustained.  I also experienced hunger with such a deprived regimen. 
Now, I am just over two years out, and in the last seven months  I have regained about 10 pounds and seem to hover between 178-180.   I definitely feel less constriction, but my hunger is rare, except when I am experiencing monthly PMS.   That doesn't worry me as I do feel it's hormonal, rather than any "defect" of the sleeve. 
The Good News: I am very active, I box and run and do strength training---these things I believe account for good skin tone by the way.   At any rate, I have always been athletic and so I feel that my work outs are not the problem. 
The Bad News:  I feel like I have to "diet"...struggling with ancient, ingrained feelings of failure and deprivation (which almost automatically lead to feelings of wanting to over eat), not having succeeded to goal, and the subsequent fears that I won't get there and that I have squandered this opportunity that I had to lose the weight.  This dieting sets me up for old bad habits, using food to soothe, eating too many carbs, etc.   I work  hard to still get my protein in, but obviously I am not doing a good enough job. 

I have spoken with my nutritonist and my surgeon, who, interestingly,  both feel that I have done very well. They encourage me to get back the habits of the first six months when it was so necessary to follow all the rules:  journal food, keep carbs at a minimum, etc.   Sometimes I worry that I should have gotten RNY and possibly therefore have had a better chance at success.  That is a secret fear.

So, to sum up, I know what I know but am still not perfect and am still not losing.  That last sentence I suppose says it all.  I know I will never be perfect, but I want to believe I can still use this amazing tool to get to my goal.   

Are there any sleevers out there who have faced  this similar scenario, and if so, did they succeed in pushing through it to eventual success?   I would love to know, as we all know that solidarity helps us all and to know that I am not alone in my struggle would go a long way towards feeling better. 

First I want to say, you are a success, you have lost alot of weight, are healthy and active.  Numbers are just that, numbers.    The fit of clothes and percent body fat are a much better gauge than a number on a scale, those numbers can make me crazy.  It is great you don’t have hunger.  At 3+ years out I can eat a lot of carbs, but solid protein, I still am limited to 3-4 oz.

 

I am not sure if you have been to counseling or have worked thorough issues, but one thing strikes a common feeling I have about dieting, that you don’t want the diet mentality.  I told my therapist I just wanted to eat like a thin person and not have issues with food.  We decided I had a warped view of a thin person.  They do not eat anything and everything.  The problem is that if I give free rein, I will eat crap, the majority of thin people do not do that, they balance and if they eat a lot, the next meals they cut back.  When overeat, we will gain, simple calories in-calories out.   I know I have the metabolism of a slug, even had my BMR tested and indeed I am about 15% lower than the average person.   I am going to a lifestyle class to work on behaviours and make small changes.  I have a “coach” so I am accountable and have someone who I can talk to when I am stuck or frustrated.   I would rather have to put in this effort, than deal with RNY or DS malabsorption, that is a choice I made.

 

Sounds like you are active, how many days of a week do you get exercise?  I put on about 20 lbs over a year with stress eating, I am down almost 15 of that, mainly by exercising and cutting back on the crap and thankfully my stresses resolved.  Exercise is the key for me to get of the extra and maintain.  Some are lucky and don’t have to work it, I know I will need to work at it, but be kind to myself.  Work on building muscle, take measurements to measure your success.  Work on lowering your % bodyfat.

 

You have to decide and make peace with your body.  If you really want that lower number you have to decide if it is worth the effort and make a choice.   If you haven’t tried Zumba, you might want too, I love the classes and I hate exercise!  … it is a great exercise, fun and burns the calories.  Maybe mixing it up will get things moving for you.  !

 Baja, thank you for your kind response.  To answer your question, I work out 5 days a week, on average.  Never less than 3 to be sure but that's rare. 
I think the act of writing and posting my feelings are in itself a very helpful part of getting back on track.   So thanks for your post,  it's the kind of feedback that helps so much. 

"do strength training"

How much?

Because I'm in the middle of a heavy strength program right now and I gained 5 pounds! But my clothes still fit the same. in fact, the other day I could finally fit back into my smallest jeans -- the ones that don't always fit in the winter when I'm slacking off on exercise.

Once we get near goal, the true measure of our weight isn't a number on the scale but our body fat composition and how much lean tissue we have. If you have 5 pounds of extra muscle and you have 8-9 pounds of extra skin, that accounts for 13-14 lb. of your weight right there.

 Hi MacMadame, 
My trainer incorporates @10 minutes of strength training 3x week into my boxing/run workout. 
So if you add it up, it's about 30 minutes a week, give or take a minute or two.  He does this because I have always found it boring compared to the other fun stuff I get to do--it keeps me committed to it by dividing it up into smaller increments.   And because we only do 10 minutes at a time, he pushes me until I "fatigue"...no reps, but rather until muscle failure.  40 push ups, then 40 squats, etc,  40 lifts etc.  and on and on.   
I don't think that I have gained much muscle at this point;  I do know that the cardio keeps me sane.  It's my natural anti-depressant, my guaranteed mood booster. 
Do you have a recommendation for a home scale that is reputable for body fat measuring?   I think having at least a ball park idea of my body fat would help.   By the way, I don't have much excess skin at all.  Just a bit of a muffin top... I gained a large part of my weight over a short period of time, and within a year I had the surgery--I didn't carry it around for a long part of my life. 
By the way, you continue to be a great inspiration to me for your dedication to your sport, your knowledge about VSG and your willingness to share it!

MM

Well, it's hard to say. That's not a lot of time but if you are doing very intense workouts, it doesn't necessarily take a lot of time.

The scales that show body fat are not necessarily all the accurate in the sense that they will vary, sometimes by as much as 4% over the course of a week as your hydration level changes. But they are good for showing trends. So, if you get a better quality body composition analysis done somewhere, then you can calibrate it to your scale and then use the scale to watch relative progress.

For example, my scale is about 2-4% under what a dunk tank shows. And it varies from 16 - 20%. So it's hard to say exactly but at one point it was showing 9 -12 % body fat when I was around 15-17% so obviously I have more body fat now than I did at my absolute lowest. BUT when I went up the 5 pounds after being on my heavy strength program for a while, my body fat % didn't change so that means I mostly gained muscle plus a little fat. Now my body fat % is going down so that shows I'm losing the fat but not the muscle.

I try to get something accurate done once a year though. Last year I had the dunk tank and this year I'm either going to do the bodpod or get one of those DEXA scans that shows more than your bones.

I am struggling with this, too. In fact, the more I cut back, the more I feel deprived. I'm trying to circumvent this by drinking more and lowering my sodium intake (I figure 1500-2000mg is prompting water retention), but it's depressing to gain 2.6lbs over a three day period when your carbs average 50 and your calories 1000-1200 and it's unrelated to anything hormonal. 

I wish I could exercise more. My auto-immune condition really hit all my joints, prompted polyneuropathy (anything involving 'advanced' footwork is out), and I'm too afraid to do anything with weights because of my wrists.

Let me know if you find something that helps you. 

Kikuri, my heart goes out to you--it must be very challenging to be limited in your exercise.  I know that without it, I would be hard pressed to figure out how to balance my moods, my need for activity and manage my weight as well.   Swimming might be gentle enough for you?

I think we all must continue to try to help each other through this board, as well as keep up our "rules" for VSG.   Journaling, low carbs, etc. 

For myself,  it is tempting to give in to feelings of inadequacy  as well as old distorted feelings of shame. As someone who has struggled with weight and self image all of her life, I am prone to this any way.  There are some days when it is hard to read the many joyful posts of success and, if I may go so far as to say, redemption.   But it helped to be reminded in the first response to my post today, that i HAVE accomplished a great deal already.  

So...onward.  As a friend of mine says, every day is all there is. 

MM

I've been coming to this board every time my mother brings home junk food and leaves it out in the kitchen for the week (which is...several times a week, even though I've asked her to stop stocking up on doughnuts, candy bars, cupcakes, and cookies ><;;) Today it's cookies.

I have thought about swimming but i've almost drowned three times as a child, so I'm very afraid to do this. Although I visit the boyfriend next month...maybe I can find a swimsuit that fits (ouch) and try swimming again, with more adult supervision this time. ^^ 

They have classes for adult to learn to swim if you want to do that. There is also water aerobics which is lots of fun if you like to socialize while exercising.