Reflection

I have deliberately not posted recently because I took some time out for reflection.
I know that I came across harshly and I am sorry for that. Reading recent posts has allowed me to become clearer about what I really wanted to say.
The point I was trying to get across was my concern that folks not get so wedded to the numbers on the scale or so connected to a certain
"goal" weight" that they lose sight of the journey.
What I was trying to point out about the comment about weighing 100 lbs was not an indictment of that weight or that person but that for ME what it would take to maintaint that weight was a price I was not willing to pay. I was not willing to live that much of a "restrictive" lifestyle. I do not mean that in a pegorative way, please understand that.
It saddens me when I see folks obessesing over tenths of lbs. I wish folks would give themselves more freedom. This does not mean no plans, this does not mean, no tracking, this does not mean eat whatever the hell you want all the time.
Cindy's recent post was more reflective of what I was trying to get across. There was another post recently along those same lines.
I am not sure how many folks will even read this. I fear I have beome somewhat of a pariah and that saddens me as well.

Well, I read it :-) 

Thanks for your words, and I agree with what you say here.
--Dorothy

Hi Sweetheart!

I read it too!!  AND I get it!

Don't worry about what any 'one' person thinks my dear.  There are lots of us here *****spect you and your opinions.  I love to hear and see everyones thoughts and journeys.  We are all so very different and that is a good thing.

I see it as a way for certain people being able to relate to at least someone on this board.  If we were all the same it would get boring.  It is a good thing to have different opinions and levels of success.  Our success should be measured by ourselves and no one else.  We all strive for different things for different reasons.  AND that should be ok...

And it sure is for me.  Lots and lots of people are reading your posts and relating to you or learning from you.  Keep at it.

Big hugs,

Cindy

I think your opinions are respected.  I think it's important that we all feel we are able to express ourselves, and I think that what you just posted is very much the way a lot of us are feeling.  Good post.  We are all a work in process, whether it's physical, mental, or both!

I am sorry but your "concern" was posted on the DS board and was directed rather pointedly at one particular person.  I suspect you might have hurt her feelings.  Having said this, no one is perfect, least of all me.  Genuine concern and encouragement is always welcome.  And I hope that this group continues to support each other in every way that each of us needs.  Our goals are all different, some of us see success a number on a scale, some see it as a clothing size, some just want their comorbidities to stay away.  Whatever success looks like to each one of us, that's what we need to support.  Also, each of us gets there differently, for some it means swearing off carbs for life, for some it is eating everything in moderation, others come up with an exercise routine that prevents regain.  Again, whatever works for each individual person is what we must support.  For some of us a one pound gain is nothing because the scale moves around all the time anyway, for others it is a 1% change in the weight of their body.  It is all relative.  I for instance know that my personal history is that I stick my head in the sand about regain and only notice a difference when the weight change is in the tens of pounds not a few pounds, changing that is a big goal of mine and I will need to keep working on it for life.  I need to keep working at it even if it becomes an irritant to someone else.  This is my reality, you have your own.  This has been a very important place for me to get support and feel safe, I really want to keep that as it helps me stay on track.  I hope that it stays a safe and supportive place for you too as I think we all need a place where we are not judged by our worst moments but cared about for who we are. 

Oh!!  That was coming across harshly!  It seemed like acting like a straight out ass, but I can surely see the burden that was on you, compelling you to call people obsessed and cultish!!  Poor you and your burden!!   What? Am I coming across harshly?  No.  This is me being a sarcastic ass.   How supergreat for me that this *Whatever you do is it truthful, necessary and kind?* isnt in my signature block!! 

The beautiful thing is, there is always someone who can relate to someone else, and there are folks who I am sure are glad you are just like you are, well fo course there are!  They are the ones who write you all the time!  So, I wouldnt worry about the folks who dont care for you, because nothing is new under the sun and at least one other person thinks what someone is willing to say. 

Everyone cant be everyone else's demographic, everyone doesnt *need* to be everyone else's demographic.

It is what it is.

Be well, from someone else who definitely isnt everyone's cup of *insert liquid of choice here* and a self-proclaimed ass.

Yes it is what it is. Part of what "inspired" (yep that was sarcasm) to call the person cultish and obsessed was when she posted that the folks that were not willing to post openly about how they were eating carbs was because they were ashamed of what they were doing and knew it was wrong. Yep that sounded cultish to me, yep it sounded obsessed to me and Yep I called it as I saw it.
I own that it was harsh and that I over-reacted.

Reflection is a good thing. My martial arts instructor encourages it. Its the first step toward any progress or improvement that any of us can make in our lives or the lives of others.

This group was established with the idea of being as wide open as possible with everyone being welcome regardless of surgery procedure or even for pre-ops. The goal is to share as much information as possible about maintaining weight loss long term plus anything remotely related plus fun and silliness. So far, it appears to be filling an important need.

So when there is some controversy between group members I, as the so called moderator, have refrained from comment as it seems best for these things to resolve themselves.

Everyone here is free to post anything they wish and to disagree with other members. I hope we have all learned that it is possible to disagree respectfully without being disagreeable. What is most useful on this forum is to post about experiences in maintenance, recipes, problems encounted, success stories and amusing matters. Its like our maintenance journies should be - moving forward and not looking backward. We have all  learned what types of posts are not useful.

So I challenge everyone to consider a post about what is working for them in maintenance, what their routine is, and what things don't seem to work so well. I will start with one.  This will require a little reflection. As Martha says, its a good thing.   Diane

Well said Diane - thank you.

I've never been one to wants friends to tell me "what I want to hear".  Well, maybe I secretly do, but I've often found the countroversial topics teach me the most.

I am an adult.  I can read something, discern the facts, and take what I choose to take and leave the rest on the boards. 

The sheer number of pre-op and post-op diets taught me that there is no "ONE WAY" do to this.  The only way for me is MY WAY - I'm still figuring it out, but it sure has been one heck of a journey.  Thanks for those of you with me on the way.

Hey, you don't bother me in the least, and I read all of your posts. There was a thread yesterday on the main board about people's feelings being hurt, and about over-sensitivity. I think some people are just very sensitive and others just aren't- and those who aren't often hurt sensitive people's feelings by accident. I know I have done it plenty. They will get over it or ignore you, and you should go about your business.. it is only the internet after all.