VSG Maintenance Group
My secret is I have no secrets xpost!
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/vsg/4365320/My-secret-is-I -have-no-secrets-Long-No-REALLY-Surprise/
Hey shaddup, you! These ARE the Cliff''s notes!
:}
Hey shaddup, you! These ARE the Cliff''s notes!
:}
thanks Brandilynn really an insightful post and deserves to be read more than once .. it's hard for me to know myself but onething for sure you said that is true about me .. i am not someone who can focus and achieve a goal over a long time . may be this is my biggest mistake that i did not realize something like that about myself
the thing i used to track my food log on to OH everytime but somehow i just lost interest i donot know why and i honestly sometimes think may be i am not this person who is cut up for weight loss i lose interest very fast and i get demotivated even faster
so my question for you what do you to keep yourself motivated ... how do you keep life from getting in the way and dragging you back to the same old addiction
hpw dp you fight frustration and depression
everyone has his/her own in dealing with depression for emotional eaters it's food and giving up on the world i get in this state of mind maybe every couple of days and i find myself eating without even noticing it for me food is freedom and yet hell and weight gain
the thing i used to track my food log on to OH everytime but somehow i just lost interest i donot know why and i honestly sometimes think may be i am not this person who is cut up for weight loss i lose interest very fast and i get demotivated even faster
so my question for you what do you to keep yourself motivated ... how do you keep life from getting in the way and dragging you back to the same old addiction
hpw dp you fight frustration and depression
everyone has his/her own in dealing with depression for emotional eaters it's food and giving up on the world i get in this state of mind maybe every couple of days and i find myself eating without even noticing it for me food is freedom and yet hell and weight gain
*squeeze*
What I have found to be true for me is - the thing I focus on is the thing that becomes HUGE in my sight.
The words that I say to myself matter. When all I think about and look at are the things that I *HAVE* to do, then my spirit gets so heavy.
When I walk the dogs, I have music on my mp3 player that makes me HAPPY, I sing, LOUD, I lift my face to the sunshine (if its peeking out) and on purpose, out loud NEED to speak words of thanks for all the incredible blessings I REALLY DO HAVE.
Its so easy to get bogged down in the mire, for me, and for a while, it was just such a habit. All of these things, they are habit baby.
To keep me from having to *grunt up* motivation, I have to create structure. I do eat mostly the same things every day, I know that not everyone else wants to, but it creates a situation where I do not DWELL on what is next to eat.
Sometimes - I have to ask myself "What is REALLY wrong B?"
Because maybe I will point my finger at my love being grumpy, or smacking, or the dogs eating the pomegranates off the bush before they have even ripened - but the truth is - I am probably lonely, tired, tender, just wanting to be anywhere but here, need a hug, need distraction.
Because looka here - when you ALREADY feel ****ty - you might as well poke around and see why you are REALLY feeling ****ty, it tends to be NOT the dishes, the toilet seat up, the cereal stuck in the sink, the trash cans knocked over at the curb.
Most of the stuff in me that shows up as frustrated and depressed is really me just having a NEED that I am ACCUSTOMED to stifling with food - but the truth? It never was about the food, it was a feeling that *felt* so overwhelming, that it *felt* like the feeling itself was going to kill me.
But the feelings are not the things that were killing me, stuff them was killing me. Not getting up and doing SOMETHING else was killing me.
KNow what is a stupid stupid stupid yet amazingly helpful thing for me when I just want to cry?
Ready?
Bunny hopping. Yes. Bunny hopping. putting my arms up like a bunny and hopping around and stopping every once in a while and tossing back my head and laughing like a mad scientist at the top of my lungs...
MUUUUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Or going for a drive and turning up music LOUD and singing LOUDER with the windows down. Finding a puppy and smelling its breath, something that will distract me with my OTHER senses other than taste.
Sometimes, I just need to curl up in the arms of someone and cry and let them squeeze me and tell me it will be okay, and fortunately? unfortunately? My beloved, who is most definitely on the autistic spectrum does not deal well with that, so I sit in the bottom of the shower and I cry. I cry and vomit up all of the things that are on my heart and that I FEEL, but then I speak words that are TRUE.
Before the beginning of time - I was. I was made and I was made ON PURPOSE. I was made just like I am for a reason, and its okay that I do not see it, but everything that has ever happened to me, or I have ever felt - those things do not HAVE to be in vain, I can learn from EVERY SINGLE THING. All that **** can be redeemed. I am blessed, I am beloved, on purpose I am JUST LIKE I AM, I was not created to be just like anybody else, I am SUPPOSED TO BE JUST LIKE ME. I am willing to learn what I need to learn and walk next to somebody else and be able to say to them "on the other side of this huge stinky pile of fly swarming poo - its going to be AWESOME - we just have to GET THROUGH THIS PILE!"
And here is something - just because you FEEL a thing, does not mean its true. And just because you DO NOT feel a thing does not make it not true.
I have to structure my day so that I do eat every couple of hours, early morning through afternoon are my hungry times, not so much at night. I have to set up structure, and on days when I KNOW I do not have a strong foundation, I have to make purposeful strides to say GOOD and LOVING things to myself. If I spill something or stub my toe, I do not say DAMNIT BRANDI, WHY CANNOT YOU DO ANYTHING WITHOUT MAKING A HUGE DAMNED MESS! Because I would not say that to a friend, I would not say that to someone that I love, who hurts.
I would say, "hey baby lookout for you! Take care of your toes! Lets clean that mess up."
Do you see what I am saying? The words you say to you MATTER. And too, the thing that I think is dangerous, especially on here is - folks depend on others here to talk them off ledges and that is okay when you are first starting out! But we have to learn to have conversations with OURSELVES, because when we REALLY in trouble - usually we are the only ones around.
Nothing has to be a mistake, my love - it can just be a new chapter of learning.
*squeeze* I dunno if that made any difference or was any help - you tell me and I am glad to help any way I can.
You deserve to not flog yourself, you deserve to be an excellent friend to yourself.
You do!
What I have found to be true for me is - the thing I focus on is the thing that becomes HUGE in my sight.
The words that I say to myself matter. When all I think about and look at are the things that I *HAVE* to do, then my spirit gets so heavy.
When I walk the dogs, I have music on my mp3 player that makes me HAPPY, I sing, LOUD, I lift my face to the sunshine (if its peeking out) and on purpose, out loud NEED to speak words of thanks for all the incredible blessings I REALLY DO HAVE.
Its so easy to get bogged down in the mire, for me, and for a while, it was just such a habit. All of these things, they are habit baby.
To keep me from having to *grunt up* motivation, I have to create structure. I do eat mostly the same things every day, I know that not everyone else wants to, but it creates a situation where I do not DWELL on what is next to eat.
Sometimes - I have to ask myself "What is REALLY wrong B?"
Because maybe I will point my finger at my love being grumpy, or smacking, or the dogs eating the pomegranates off the bush before they have even ripened - but the truth is - I am probably lonely, tired, tender, just wanting to be anywhere but here, need a hug, need distraction.
Because looka here - when you ALREADY feel ****ty - you might as well poke around and see why you are REALLY feeling ****ty, it tends to be NOT the dishes, the toilet seat up, the cereal stuck in the sink, the trash cans knocked over at the curb.
Most of the stuff in me that shows up as frustrated and depressed is really me just having a NEED that I am ACCUSTOMED to stifling with food - but the truth? It never was about the food, it was a feeling that *felt* so overwhelming, that it *felt* like the feeling itself was going to kill me.
But the feelings are not the things that were killing me, stuff them was killing me. Not getting up and doing SOMETHING else was killing me.
KNow what is a stupid stupid stupid yet amazingly helpful thing for me when I just want to cry?
Ready?
Bunny hopping. Yes. Bunny hopping. putting my arms up like a bunny and hopping around and stopping every once in a while and tossing back my head and laughing like a mad scientist at the top of my lungs...
MUUUUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Or going for a drive and turning up music LOUD and singing LOUDER with the windows down. Finding a puppy and smelling its breath, something that will distract me with my OTHER senses other than taste.
Sometimes, I just need to curl up in the arms of someone and cry and let them squeeze me and tell me it will be okay, and fortunately? unfortunately? My beloved, who is most definitely on the autistic spectrum does not deal well with that, so I sit in the bottom of the shower and I cry. I cry and vomit up all of the things that are on my heart and that I FEEL, but then I speak words that are TRUE.
Before the beginning of time - I was. I was made and I was made ON PURPOSE. I was made just like I am for a reason, and its okay that I do not see it, but everything that has ever happened to me, or I have ever felt - those things do not HAVE to be in vain, I can learn from EVERY SINGLE THING. All that **** can be redeemed. I am blessed, I am beloved, on purpose I am JUST LIKE I AM, I was not created to be just like anybody else, I am SUPPOSED TO BE JUST LIKE ME. I am willing to learn what I need to learn and walk next to somebody else and be able to say to them "on the other side of this huge stinky pile of fly swarming poo - its going to be AWESOME - we just have to GET THROUGH THIS PILE!"
And here is something - just because you FEEL a thing, does not mean its true. And just because you DO NOT feel a thing does not make it not true.
I have to structure my day so that I do eat every couple of hours, early morning through afternoon are my hungry times, not so much at night. I have to set up structure, and on days when I KNOW I do not have a strong foundation, I have to make purposeful strides to say GOOD and LOVING things to myself. If I spill something or stub my toe, I do not say DAMNIT BRANDI, WHY CANNOT YOU DO ANYTHING WITHOUT MAKING A HUGE DAMNED MESS! Because I would not say that to a friend, I would not say that to someone that I love, who hurts.
I would say, "hey baby lookout for you! Take care of your toes! Lets clean that mess up."
Do you see what I am saying? The words you say to you MATTER. And too, the thing that I think is dangerous, especially on here is - folks depend on others here to talk them off ledges and that is okay when you are first starting out! But we have to learn to have conversations with OURSELVES, because when we REALLY in trouble - usually we are the only ones around.
Nothing has to be a mistake, my love - it can just be a new chapter of learning.
*squeeze* I dunno if that made any difference or was any help - you tell me and I am glad to help any way I can.
You deserve to not flog yourself, you deserve to be an excellent friend to yourself.
You do!
My gosh Brandi you have such a way with words... You really and truly need to put some of this into a book...
You have brought me to tears, and made me laugh out loud, yet again!
Big long warm lovin' hugs my sweet friend, and hey Brandi... "Thanks for being YOU and allowing me to be ME!!"
More hugs and some sweet puppy kisses,
Cindy
You have brought me to tears, and made me laugh out loud, yet again!
Big long warm lovin' hugs my sweet friend, and hey Brandi... "Thanks for being YOU and allowing me to be ME!!"
More hugs and some sweet puppy kisses,
Cindy
wooow Brandilynn i know this is not the first time you have been told so but your writings are really deep and in to the core ..
may be this is exactly what i need to do .. the lost piece of the puzzle , your word**** the core with me, thank you so much :))
i guess your secret after all is in your ability to learn and pass what you learn to others .. you know and feel every experience you go through and you are very well capable of transfering this experience into the right words and the right description
it's not all about will power after all , it's about restructuring yourself and re learning your lessons
that is why as you mentioned you have to remind your self every month of all the good readings you benefit from .. one way or the other this is the way to keep your head up high and mentain your balance .. change is an ongoing process afterall
thanks again Brandilynn and i will keep you posted with my updates
let's hope i will shed some pounds over the next month or two :)
may be this is exactly what i need to do .. the lost piece of the puzzle , your word**** the core with me, thank you so much :))
i guess your secret after all is in your ability to learn and pass what you learn to others .. you know and feel every experience you go through and you are very well capable of transfering this experience into the right words and the right description
it's not all about will power after all , it's about restructuring yourself and re learning your lessons
that is why as you mentioned you have to remind your self every month of all the good readings you benefit from .. one way or the other this is the way to keep your head up high and mentain your balance .. change is an ongoing process afterall
thanks again Brandilynn and i will keep you posted with my updates
let's hope i will shed some pounds over the next month or two :)
Thanks friend.
And YES!! That is EXACTLY why I have to keep going through those books to keep my mind fresh on what it is I NEED to be thinking, because its sooo easy for me to slip back into the mire of the doldrums and get lost in the high grass when I only focus on the poop on my shoes, or between my toes, depending on the day :}
You are welcome my friend. I am thankful if anything I have ever learned can be helpful to anyone else. I really *do* think a part of recovery for all the stuff I would point back at and say *THAT IS MY PROBLEM* is sharing how the hell you got out of the pit, and how you stay there.
And for me, with all my words, sometimes, if I can share the conversation that happens in my head, then other folks can *recognize* when they are starting down the same sort of path, and maybe ? have a model for a DIFFERENT conversation with themselves that they always have!
Every day there is something amazing and new and wonderful to learn! *squeeze*
Chin up, babycamper! Every day you are breathing, every time its the next time to feed yourself, you have ANOTHER chance for good/better/best!! All your thoughts and your decisions - they matter!
YOU MATTER!
And YES!! That is EXACTLY why I have to keep going through those books to keep my mind fresh on what it is I NEED to be thinking, because its sooo easy for me to slip back into the mire of the doldrums and get lost in the high grass when I only focus on the poop on my shoes, or between my toes, depending on the day :}
You are welcome my friend. I am thankful if anything I have ever learned can be helpful to anyone else. I really *do* think a part of recovery for all the stuff I would point back at and say *THAT IS MY PROBLEM* is sharing how the hell you got out of the pit, and how you stay there.
And for me, with all my words, sometimes, if I can share the conversation that happens in my head, then other folks can *recognize* when they are starting down the same sort of path, and maybe ? have a model for a DIFFERENT conversation with themselves that they always have!
Every day there is something amazing and new and wonderful to learn! *squeeze*
Chin up, babycamper! Every day you are breathing, every time its the next time to feed yourself, you have ANOTHER chance for good/better/best!! All your thoughts and your decisions - they matter!
YOU MATTER!
