Are We Setting the Bar Too High?

I've been thinking about this for quite some time, but I'm not a confident poster.  Then today I read Sassy's post on yo-yoing and what she was told by others,  in particular McMadame's great response, and it sounded all too familiar.

I weigh myself everyday.  I am carefull with what I eat, but I allow myself indulgences, enjoy the weekend, and get back in the game come Monday.  I tell myself that all naturally thin people watch their weight, this is what normal is.  But is it?  Afterall, indulging all of the time is what got me in this mess in the first place. 

I think some of us(myself included) have set the bar to a point that we have to work hard in order to maintain.  My personal bar is to stay under 21 BMI.  20.9?  That's a great day for me!  19.9?  Even better!  But if I were to ease off for too long, I have a tendency to put on a few pounds.  Then I hit the dreaded 21BMI.  This scares me into action(God forbid I gain 2 LBS!  I'll be fat again!!! ) and I get back on plan, watching what I eat, kicking up the fluids, etc. and work my way down again.  I HAVE been able to accept that at 21 BMI, I am not as wrinkly and probably look better with my clothes off(TMI).  But I feel fat with my clothes on.  They fit a little too snug and as soon as I'm below my "Mendoza line", I'm happier.  I know that it is such a head game for me.  But what is a girl to do??

My question is, shouldn't we just cut ourselves some slack and be happy with a 21 or 22 BMI, or whatever the magic number should be?  Why does our weight always have to be such an issue for us?  When (or does) our war on our weight end?  I know many of us have posted of getting diet burnout and I can see why this would happen.  

But what is the alternative?  I know for me, I lived with my head buried in the sand, always in denial(I'm not THAT heavy), playing a game with the scale(no, I don't want to get on and see that I really am that heavy!), and I'm afraid that it would just be too easy to fall back into that old routine. 

So, how do I make peace with my weight?  I would love any  free head shrinking!

I relate so completely to everything you wrote.  My magic number is .... wait for it.....103.8.  Why the .8? Who the hell knows.  There is not a single good reason for it except that that is the weight I maintained without fluctuating for a number of months.  Now the scale moves around a little bit.  At first this totally freaked me out.  WHAT, I am 104.2?  OK my god, call in re-enforcements, post about it, call the doctor.  I am only exaggerating a tiny little bit.  You all have put up with me, so you know.  I talked to my normal sized friend about this craziness, and you know what she said, she said, "me too".  That blew me away.  I have never seen her heavy at all but she told me that when she was in her twenties she lost about 50 lbs. and has kept it off ever since, she is in her 70's now.  She told me that for the rest of her life she needed to stay on top of it and when she let it go even a little, she started gaining it all back.  So maybe, this is for life and the price we pay to "keep it" whatever the it really is.   I know one thing for sure, I would be devastated if I gained a significant amount of my weight back.  It is just now who I want to be anymore.  So I guess I am willing to do this for life.  At least I am willing to do it for life for right now.  I have lived long enough to know nothing is "for life".  Great post. 

Thanks.  You know, I am so grateful for this group.  I feel like I can't talk to anyone in my life about how I feel about the subject without getting the crazy look.  They don't understand.  But everyone here has walked in my shoes!  No judgements!

That's why the we who live in my head rely on body composition.  The scale was helpful on my way down, but when rubber meets the road - if I, personally, have to fight to be some number and live miserably and share that misery with all who have to meet me (like a handful of thin and miserable folks I do know IRL) then FTS man. 

I weigh every day to see fluctations and use as a tool, not as the end product.  I dont freak out if I gain 3 pounds overnight because I didnt eat that much and there is no way, not in hell or any other planet with the same gravitational pull as earth that I did, so if that starts to swirl in my noggin, I am living in as much denial and fantasy as I would be if I never weighed myself.  This is what is true for me.

I didnt do this to be miserable.  I had surgery to be happy, healthy, and whole.  And that means BALANCED  to me, for me.  Which isnt to say there arent things I have to create structure for and perhaps that is my version of yall's scale thing?  Except, I dont see it as obsessive and it actually chaps my ass when folks call it that, I see it as *A reasonable structured form of insurance for something I paid a LOT for, money, emotion, time, etc.*  Reasonable insurance.  And for me, having set up structure keeps me from burnout, because its just "what my day looks like" and there is no panic in it.  I havent EVER made excellent decisions when I am freaking out, why would that change now?  It wont.  Again, though, that's me knowing me and not doing like I usta did!

And this is very often why I say "whatever goal looks like" cuz its not always a size, or a number on the scale, sometimes its mobility,sometimes its to be off medications, sometimes its so you can wipe your own freaking ass, but all of those things - they are valid and they are good.  Switching from a scale focus to a health focus isnt anything but changing your mind about what your goal is now.

Some folks wont. Some dont want to. Some dont care. 

Hooray for diversity.

Oh, and for thin folks?  My husband is naturally thing and incredibly fit.  He has the instinctive pull back when he feels like he has let the reins a little loose for a little long.   I cant let the reins loose without a plan cuz kneejerk for me is "screw the reins, LETS RUN!" and that is no good, but even naturally thin folks, they self modify, we just typically dont see it if we arent in close proximity.  *shrug*

I dunno, we gotta do what we gotta do, but I have to say, if a 5 pound bounce from my lowest was driving me to binge more, cuz I couldnt get back?  I would definitely need to rethink what reasonable looked like.

I hear ya!  Structure is a good word for it.  My BMI gives me the structure and allows up to 7 lbs for me to swing through- one is on the low end, the other on the high.  But otherwise, I worry I will lose control.  Never had it to begin with!

Amen about never having control before.

My only concern about SQUEEEZZZINNNNGGG too tight is - sometimes when we squeeze the thing we want so tight, it slips right thru our fingers, ya know?  Or we focus so much on the squeeze, we forget to enjoy *it* (whatever the *it* is).

When we come up with the answer, maybe we can bottle it.

ha!

Exactly!  That's why I think that maybe I am setting the bar too high.  Maybe I will loosen my grip as time passes.  If I can get my neurosis under control!

Hijack.. just found out I have to go to a conference in Atlanta in June.. aer you close to there?

Yes m'am!  I am 20 minutes south of the airport! I am about 30 minutes from downtown! about an hour from Mandy.

I'm probably closer to Mandy but if you all get togethe please inclde me... It's rare that I get out.