MEN!!!!!

Hi All,

I am upset and I would love to have some feed back on this subject. I don't mean to hurt anyone by asking. I guess I am hurt and want to vent.

My husband that does not want me to have WLS. To make a long story short. I have to remember that I belong to God and there should be noone above him, so I really tried hard to not to get mad today at my husband.

Ok, this the man that does not want his wife to have WLS. He was at my car today helping the little lady that I take care of getting in the car and I was inside the store getting ready to leave and I happened to look up and a very slim blonde walked past the car, Man, he sure could not keep his eyes off her, looking her up and down, it is a wonder that he did not let the little lady fall out of the car. I just walked out there and said YOU LIKED THAT SMALL BUTT DIDN'T YOU! He just made a face. I got in the drivers set and he was in the back seat, and I turned around and looked at him in a very meaning way and said, DON'T YOU EVER SAY AGAIN THAT YOU DON'T WANT ME TO HAVE WLS, he just said ok, in a very guity voice.

Does men not see how this hurts the woman in his life. I know men are not blind, but I am old school, if you are married and you see someone like that do not stare them up and down, it hurts us so very much.

I am not going to go into a lot of this, but about a year and 1/2 ago, I had already gave a Lawyer 1,700 dollars for a divorce , he did much worst things than this. I felt in my heart that God said NO DIVORCE, so I have given him another chance. He has always had a problem with checking out the small women, looking them up and down with me standing right there beside him, it hurts so bad. I feel so ashame of even being there with him. I know I am no angel in this marriage, I have a big mouth but with God's help I am trying hard to keep my anger under control.

My first husband pasted away as he was driving to work one morning he was 44 yrs old. our two girls were small. We just had an old school marriage, keep your hands off the other sex,  etc: We had been married 23 yrs.

I just can not get use to my now husband doing this. I hope I am making sence.  No WLS right!
Good bless you all, thank you for letting me vent, just hurt so very much.

Evie

Seems to me that the issue is not 'men' or wls. WLS will not fix your husband's wondering eye or make you feel worthy of his attention.

I am in no way getting this WLS for looks only. I want to be healthy, watch my grandkids grow, be able to walk maybe less pain and not falling as much, gardening, clean my own house ect:

I am just saying it hurts me when my husband does that. I just wondered if it hurt anyone else to be done that way. If my husband does not want me then that is his lose. Not saying that he does not want me.

Sorry you are feeling hurt. There is no excuse for hubby's obvious eyeing of other women in your presence  (but I think a lot of men do it). But he may fear that if you lose weight and become even more of a fox than you are now, that you will be eyeing other men and doing more than eyeing and he will lose you. That and the fear that something bad will happen in the surgery (which it won't because the risks are so low) may be why he doesn't want you to have the surgery. It may be rooted in fear and caring even though it may not seem that way.

My husband was reluctant about me but came around by going to my surgeon's seminars and seeing how safe stuff is and how capable these people are and he felt reassured.

So I really have no idea what your husband's issues are but consider whether they stem from fear of losing you.

As to his "birdwatching" behavior, thats maybe a matter for a counselor. Beyond anything I can offer.
Best wishes. Diane

I was just thinking that I may have come across as harsh and I certainly didn't mean to.

I am glad that you want weight loss surgery for for health reasons. In the end, you have to do what is right for you!

Lots of women do this too. I can honestly say I've looked at attractive men before myself but that doesn't mean anything other than I looked.  I totally ogle Russell Crowe in the movies! Physical attraction is one thing, who your heart belongs to is another. Have you ever seen some of the married women out there with male strippers? I have.. phew!

It is very common for men to do this, and it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or isn't attracted to you (necessarily). I also don't think it necessarily means that is the reason he doesn't want you to have WLS.

I would do what is best for you regardless of what your husband does or does not want. I would ask your husband to learn to be more slick about his checking out other women. A little whack upside his head ought to wake him up from his reverie.

I believe EACH sex appreciates attrativeness in the opposite sex.  With that said your husband is a JERK and an ASS to have done it IN your presence EVER.

WLS is a VERY individual decision that "should" be done for all the "right" reasons what "that" is for each individual person.

I lift you and your husband up in prayer for God to guide you both through this time.  Be strong and prayed up and secure in your decisions.

Ms Shell