the FEAR of not enough food

I pack my lunch in the eves (for the next day) and I over pack just about every day and very rarely eat everything in it (only if I end up working really late and that ends up being my dinner too).  Think it's a little bit of thinking "I don't have enough food for the day" and a little bit of "pack lots of variety so I keep on track"

with me it's, the more food I have the less chance I'll run into the gas station and get a bag of fritos!  often, it works.

 I almost looked past this post because I thought you were saying you were afraid you weren't eating enough.

I AM GLAD I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!



I AM A FOOD HOARDER I have discovered.

I don't know why.  Never wanted for food a day in my life, obviously.

But honestly, it makes me EXTREMELY anxious to think about not having food.  Like...even the thought that I might have company over and they might go away not completely stuffed.  That...scares me?!?!  

Peek into my cupboards:  filled to the brim.  And I keep buying.  I get satisfaction out of buying.  I overbought when I was fat.  Now I'm still shopping for fat me.  

For one thing, I think there is a *fullness* to having lots of food.  Having food makes me think things are good.  And I know I can whip up a meal for almost any occasion at almost any time and have everything I need.  I still identify food with love.  It's certainly one of the ways I express my love for others.

A little more off meandering...why is it that bigger fullness trumps fullness?  Does anyone else feel that way?  I get as full now as I ever did off of maybe 1/2 cup of food.  But it still falls short of that BIG fullness I used to get.  I rarely now, if ever, reach that level of satiety.  I'm not even talking about stuffed-to-the-gills-unbutton-pants-painfully-full fullness.  I just mean that sometimes it's not as satisfying, even though I'm satisfied--if that makes any sense!!  

So, from that perspective, I understand wanting to pack more food.  A couple meatballs and a few pieces of veggies kinda look....sad.  That's why I've started packing my snack with my lunch so that it looks bigger, and I'm putting in a couple carrots, a couple sugar snap peas, a couple radishes, a strawberry, a tangerine--just to get the range of colors.  Do I need to?  No!  A simple bag of veg in one color could probably last me all week, but I've been so much more satisfied with eating.  We do eat with our eyes, remember!

In my defense, my overpreparedness has paid off.  Though we don't typically have bad winters, when it snows, it shuts Oklahoma down.  I think we lost about 6 days of college!!  And last Christmas Eve we had a terrible blizzard.  A lot of people who were planning on going out for Christmas Eve were stuck at home with no food.  Not me!  I had a ham in the freezer, a turkey in the freezer, potatoes, just literally anything.  I almost wi****'d blizzard us here in March just so I could get crackin on cleaning out this freezer again!

bigger fullness trumps fullness

well, that's certainly true for me but not as some metaphor for my kitchen cupboard. I have Binge Eating Disorder - capitals! - so sometimes, yah huh, I am all about the button-popping pain. more more more more.

I never care about any company I might have, that's for sure, if I happened to feed them that's great but if they didn't get full that's not my problem. I think that makes you a better person than me, not exactly sure.

for the rest, I think I was a hamster in a former life and just like to bring home stuff and keep a stash. I'm that way with toiletries, too, and paper products not just food.  and my need to shop for clothes and books seems to be something different yet again. I don't like to have piles of clothes, just like bringing them home. I DO like piles of paper towels and piles of boxes of cheerios and a fridge full of piles of yogurt.

now I'm more confused than ever.

I guess I'm the weirdo in the group again. I'm such a control freak OCD type of person, it drives me nuts when I have too much food in the house. I keep looking at it thinking will that get eaten before it goes bad or I really need to cook with XXX as it has been in my fridge for a week!

I did grow up poor so I had it crammed into my head never to waste anything, so perishable items make me anxious and I feel I have to use them right away. In fact when my MIL visits and makes a bunch of food and brings all sorts of things over it makes me so stressed!

I HATE having to throw away anything, so most of the time my fridge and freezer are half empty and I like it like that. I stock up on Isopure for emergencies but even then it drives me nuts to have things too full. Plus everything has to be in clear containers so I can see what's inside. Ugh.. I'm terrible...

I go through periods where I want backups of everything in the "extra" closet and periods where i try to only have as much as I need until the next shopping trip.