Wow! What a response on the Carbs! What about this one?

Hello all,

Why do woman stay in abusive relationships?

What are your views?

Are you aware that a high % of  men could mostly not give a damn whether the woman in their lives are happy or not,as long as their needs are being seen to.

Why do you girls stand for such treatment?

I wait in anticipation for your responses.

Love,
Deon.

What about men?  Why do they stay in abusive relationships?  I have seen my fair share of nice enough men with screaming *****es for women. Why will they put up with women who are emotionally inappropriate with other men right in front of them?

I gotta tell you, there has to be more reason than removable teeth and pistol grip ears.

I grew up with guy friends, because for the most part I found girls petty, shallow, and superficial.  To this day, the stuff I saw my friends put up with for ? reason colors the woman that I am.

I get irked when people use their weight loss/loveliness/monster boobs/whatever as a manipulative tool, or to somehow have "power" over anyone else of whatever sex.  I guess the bottom line is I am *insert appropriate word here* whenever people use their gifts to manipulate others.  We wonder why the world cannot get along, but jeezlouise, if we cannot even relate to each other without having to be carrot danglers, what's the point?  I seriously chaps me when folks use the "well they aint gettin none until I get..."  Really?  You really think they have not been relational with themselves for years before you and your *insert whatever here* showed up?  Reeaaalllly?  Good for you and your magical orifices/appendages.

And yea, men ***** about it to each other, and to their friends, but put up with women taking their money, ruling their doings, manipulating them, and generally sucking the life out of them and the relationships that they have that are supportive.  And a sad and horrifying thing is when men let their women physically hurt them, and their children, all for ? ? 

Lazy? Denial? Hopes that if you do not address it it will go away? Hopes that if you just stay off the radar nobody will kick you anymore?  Just do not give a ****  That's what you have only ever known/been modeled/think you deserve? 

I would imagine the answer for men is as varied as the reason for why women stay.

Humans, the ****ty known seems much better than the possibly great or ****ty unknown.

And I say these things having been a young human being who was pummeled a nice chunk in my first real relationship at the age of 15 through 18. I had no where to go, mother told me if I left I could not come home and she meant it, I made minimum wage, had quit high school 3 months from graduation because my beloved had been fired and I was going to save us by quitting school 3 months from graduation and working full time, tried to rationalize that when he WASNT accusing me of ******g his friends and pummelling me quite nicely, that he really loved me.

And ya know, he may well have, but it did not mean I was OBLIGATED to stay.  And by the grace of God, I left there by my own volition, and not in a body bag.  Some folks, men and women are not as lucky.

Why?  Good question.  The *real* answer ? Good luck finding it.

in our rush to analize/blame the victim let us not for get a FEAR that is justified.

statistically, women are most likely to be killed when attempting to leave an abusive relationship. their killer may even end up raising their children.

I don't know the statistics BUT that's usually after the woman has been in the abusive relationship for YEARS.  I had a boyfriend during a fight hit me...it only took ONE time for ME to not want to be a statistic.  He did the whole typical 9 yards of I'm sorry it'll never happen again, you made me do it, please take me back, etc etc.  Women see the signs, but well I can't speak on why they stay...

Ms Shell

There are a myriad of reasons why a PERSON stays in an abusive relationship.  Many think they can CHANGE the abuser into being nice or LOVE them enough to make it all better for the person who is abusing them.  Some lack self esteem and believe they DESERVE the behavior, well it's just all sorts of things.

Are you aware that I could care LESS what a man gives a rats ass about as long as I'm HAPPY.  I can be sad all by myself and will NEVER be sad, upset, etc while IN a relationship...

MS Shell

Probably for the make up sex part...some thing this is real love...yeah right.

Laura

I think there are many reasons women don't leave abusive relationships. They might be afraid, have financial obstacles, have grown up in an abusive situation and not know anything different, or they may be naive and think that things will change.

Like Ms. Shell I was in a couple of relationships where I wa**** and they only got ONE chance. There are no do-overs in that type of situation for me. The way I look at it is that even if they NEVER were to hit me again in their life, there is always that fear that taints the relationship after that and I would never feel completely safe again or be able to behave completely as if it never happened.

What amazed me is that in one relationship when I was very young, I was with a friend when my boyfriend decided to smack me around and basically held me hostage for 6 hours (he told me if I left he would kill me so I was forced to stay with him until I could get away) while she watched it all happen. I did give him a black eye in sticking up for myself.. that felt good.

When I finally got away from him I would not take him back or even speak to him to listen to his sob story for a minute after that. There was absolutely no way he would get another chance from me.. I'm not that stupid. I lost track of my friend after that for various reasons, and 2 years later I ran into both of them.. they were dating! After my friend witnessed my abuse, she started dating my ex and ended up having a child by him.. now that is crazy!

There are all different kinds of abuse and some are more obvious than others. I would definitely not put with being hit. But what about criticism? That is a fine line. Everyone has faults after all.

Some abusers start by criticizing and at first it may be seen as constructive criticism even. But eventually it grows until everything that is wrong with the world is the other guy's fault. By that time, the victim may be so used to this that she or he doesn't even realize they are being abused.

I was in a relationship for 3 years with someone who was extremely negative. About everything. But he was also fun and exciting and a lot of the gals in our social circle had crushes on him. So I felt lucky to be dating him. (Plus he introduced me to punk rock. )

But, over time, he blamed everything that was wrong in our relationship on me. It started out small and we all have things we need to work on so I accepted it. Towards the end, though, I was starting to see the signs. Then I went on a business trip where I was being sued for a million dollars and got mugged. When I came back from the trip, I wanted to tell him all about it. But he got nasty with me and told me that he was feeling like being quiet and I was being completely insensitive to his moods. He won't even look at the scrapes on my knees from being dragged 20 ft across the ground. Heck, the guys I worked with who barely knew me looked at my scraped knees but my bf just refused. And tried to make me feel like I was the unreasonable one.

The light bulb went on for me. Only a crazy person wouldn't be interested in hearing what his gf did while she was away even if she didn't get mugged or wasn't being sued. It wasn't that I wasn't sensitive to his moods. It's that he was a selfish ******* who felt like what he wanted was more important than what anyone else wanted and was willing to manipulate me emotionally to get what he wanted.

So I broke up with him that night. It took me *years* after that to even be attracted to another guy. I was just numb for a long time. Once the feeling came back, I realized that I had been depressed most of the time with him and definitely not myself. But at the time it didn't feel like abuse at all and it's not like everything was horrible all the time. We also had fun together and had good times.

Hi Deon,

Good question and I can't really answer it.

All I know, is that if anyone abuses me in anyway, I am done.  I don't put up with any abuse from Husbands, Boyfriends, Friends, Family and now I can even add Bosses.  I don't take any **** from anyone anymore.

I have taken it from all of the above people in the past, and learned I am worth so much more than that.  Everyone around me brings value to my life, or they are not a part of my life.  This may be harsh, this may be selfish, but it is what it is.

I am VERY selctive with my friends.  I am 'friendly' with almost eveyone.  But I only have a handful of true friends, real friends, who bring happiness, optomism and a deeper more valuable meaning to our friendship.

I have always said "I would rather be alone, than to be with the wrong person".

I feel sad and mad for the people that put up with this... they are so worth more than that.  Some may need help and education to realize this, I just wish they would takes steps towards getting that...

Cindy

For me...it was very low self-esteem. Thank GOD those days are over!