VSG Maintenance Group
Daily Maintenance Weigh In - Saturday, Mar05/11
Daily Maintenance Weigh In - Saturday, Mar05/11 
Surgery Date - June 12/09
Highest Weight - 230 lbs
Surgeon's Goal - 162.5 lbs
My Goal - 155 lbs lbs, BMI - 21
Prefered Range - 142 - 147 lbs
Yesterday's Weight - 150.8 lbs
Today's Weight - 150.8 lbs
Gain/Loss - 0 lbs
Random Thoughts:
Ok, this is it, I am getting back on track today.... wish me luck -
- Eat 3 Healthy Meals - breakfast, lunch, dinner - done
- Eat 2-3 Healthy Snacks - no need for morning snack, had 2 sm tablespoons of PB and a tiny handful or raisins - done
- Take all Viatamins & Supplements - 1st set, 2nd set, 3rd set - done
- Drink Water like a Fish - Out of the habit, getting some now, still need way more, getting more now... I tried, but not hard enough!
- Walk 4 miles - Done!
- In some strange way, it is kinda exciting... but also kinda scary and intimidating... I just ordered the 10 Thin Commandments for my Kindle... too cool! In my hands in 60 seconds! I am enjoying it already...
Surgery Date - 3/3/2010
Highest Weight - 380 Lbs
Consult Weight - 357 Lbs
Surgery Weight - 309 Lbs
Total Amount Lost - 154 Lbs
Goal Range - 205 - 210 Lbs
Yesterday's Weight - 203 Lbs
Today's Weight - 203 Lbs
Gain/Loss - 0 Lbs
Highest Weight - 380 Lbs
Consult Weight - 357 Lbs
Surgery Weight - 309 Lbs
Total Amount Lost - 154 Lbs
Goal Range - 205 - 210 Lbs
Yesterday's Weight - 203 Lbs
Today's Weight - 203 Lbs
Gain/Loss - 0 Lbs
Highest Weight: 380 Consult Weight: 357 Surgery Weight: 309
Goal Weight: 220 (9/29/10) Revised Goal Range 215-220 Current Weight: 224
Plastics: Circumferential Lower Body Lift - 11/18/2011
Gynecomastia - 6/14/2012
In the beginning of the diet (all of them, this included) there is excitement because there is hope - hope to get out of the discomfort that we are in, physically, mentally, et cetera.
We tend to do well because since its new and clearly thought out, we have structure and the structure of it feels safe. Sometimes some of us have failed maintenance before because we tossed structure out the window when we "got to goal" *that would be a big neon finger pointing at me, right there, in case you could not see it. :}*
We feel crappy when we eat crappy, but just the low grade funk does not sometimes seem funky enough to pull us out of our wallow. Its weird is not it? I think about this whole journey like it being easier to steer a bike when its already moving - when I totally stop anything, its hard to get my momentum to just GO back, much less the ease of the steering I had with tweaking things when I was full speed, or even half speed ahead!
But I use those times to learn more about me, my warning signs of when I am getting sloppy and need to just tidy up my sloppy edges! We learn so much about ourselves, when we let us! I LOVE that part of this!
I am proud on you babygirl! I am glad to see you back thinking thoughts and missed your sweet face and your good words!
*muwah*
We tend to do well because since its new and clearly thought out, we have structure and the structure of it feels safe. Sometimes some of us have failed maintenance before because we tossed structure out the window when we "got to goal" *that would be a big neon finger pointing at me, right there, in case you could not see it. :}*
We feel crappy when we eat crappy, but just the low grade funk does not sometimes seem funky enough to pull us out of our wallow. Its weird is not it? I think about this whole journey like it being easier to steer a bike when its already moving - when I totally stop anything, its hard to get my momentum to just GO back, much less the ease of the steering I had with tweaking things when I was full speed, or even half speed ahead!
But I use those times to learn more about me, my warning signs of when I am getting sloppy and need to just tidy up my sloppy edges! We learn so much about ourselves, when we let us! I LOVE that part of this!
I am proud on you babygirl! I am glad to see you back thinking thoughts and missed your sweet face and your good words!
*muwah*
Still 174.
Eating bad yesterday.
I wake up every am and promise myself that I won't eat
bad.
I don't understand why I do.
I have to get to the bottom of this.
uffing down my "feelings" with food, ok I get that.
I don't have many feelings except anxiety,
but I have a medication to take when I feel that.
hmmmm
Barbara
*Eating bad yesterday.
I wake up every am and promise myself that I won't eat
bad.
I don't understand why I do.
I have to get to the bottom of this.
uffing down my "feelings" with food, ok I get that.
I don't have many feelings except anxiety,
but I have a medication to take when I feel that.
hmmmm*
Okay, something that is a puzzle to me.
*I DO NOT HAVE MANY FEELINGS EXCEPT ANXIETY*
Really?
Not boredom? Not mild irritation? Not joy. Not Gonnakillthatmutherfuker Pissedoff? Mild amusement?
Ever? Because my mother and I recently had a huge spat, and when I brought something to her attention that I found a bit bothersome - she railed on me about how horrible it was that I harbored all this anger and spite blahblahblah.
ANd the truth? I did not feel angry, or spiteful. I was asking her to consider how she said X about X thing, because if I was a FRIEND of hers and she said this, it would seem hurtful to me. Me? She's my mama and 44 years has taught me to "not hear" a lot of stuff.
But - She did not *understand* that my expressing anything that was not agreement COULD be anything other than anger and spite.
Here is another question I have for you.
***ARE YOU WILLING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE BETWEEN 2 OF YOUR MEALS TODAY?
Just 2. Are you willing to be anxious or have whatever FEELINGS between just 2 of your meals today, not try and figure it out - just NOT BREAK YOUR PROMISE TO YOURSELF ABOUT EATING WHEN YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY between JUST 2 meals?
If you are not willing, then I sure do understand.
But you seem to be hurting anyway, when you break your promise to yourself again, like you would be if you were working towards an end of KEEPING promises to yourself.
Anyway - That's me being a buttinski as lovignly as I can and ask permission to push a button or two, just to see if you can see that there is more going on "under the surface" than there might seem to be.
If the answer is no, you know that certainly does not change my wanting good things for you! :} It just keeps me from poking a spot and asking if it hurts "here" and seeing if we might have some tools somewhere that are particularly useful for that ache and pain!
Or maybe even a less painful thing is to start replacing one of your self defeating thoughts a day.
And about UNDERSTANDING. Its great to understand, but do you understand how a catalytic converter works?
No? How in the world can you drive your husband to doctor's appointments or to the grocery store without that understanding?
Because you know it DOES work. The end. You know how to get in the car and "make go"
Sometimes same with us and bad habits. The WHY is buried under 3 lifetimes of **** Demanding to know WHY before we change anything is sometimes a handy excuse we use, instead of saying.
I DO NOT KNOW AND I DO NOT CARE AND I HAVE STOPPED TRYING. SHUT UP AND STOP ASKING ME.
Or, to not even be so direct, and just SAY WORDS that sound like we are willing to change, but we really are not.
Sometimes we really want to change, and sometimes we WANT to want to change, but we have not gotten there yet.
Tiny promises made to yourself and kept are empowering. I pray on you some tiny promises you can make yourself and KEEP this very day. You have learned to not trust your word. The person you SAY you are and the person you ARE and the person you WANNA be are all 3 way different folks.
Anyway.. *squeeze*
the love girlie.
I wake up every am and promise myself that I won't eat
bad.
I don't understand why I do.
I have to get to the bottom of this.
uffing down my "feelings" with food, ok I get that.
I don't have many feelings except anxiety,
but I have a medication to take when I feel that.
hmmmm*
Okay, something that is a puzzle to me.
*I DO NOT HAVE MANY FEELINGS EXCEPT ANXIETY*
Really?
Not boredom? Not mild irritation? Not joy. Not Gonnakillthatmutherfuker Pissedoff? Mild amusement?
Ever? Because my mother and I recently had a huge spat, and when I brought something to her attention that I found a bit bothersome - she railed on me about how horrible it was that I harbored all this anger and spite blahblahblah.
ANd the truth? I did not feel angry, or spiteful. I was asking her to consider how she said X about X thing, because if I was a FRIEND of hers and she said this, it would seem hurtful to me. Me? She's my mama and 44 years has taught me to "not hear" a lot of stuff.
But - She did not *understand* that my expressing anything that was not agreement COULD be anything other than anger and spite.
Here is another question I have for you.
***ARE YOU WILLING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE BETWEEN 2 OF YOUR MEALS TODAY?
Just 2. Are you willing to be anxious or have whatever FEELINGS between just 2 of your meals today, not try and figure it out - just NOT BREAK YOUR PROMISE TO YOURSELF ABOUT EATING WHEN YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY between JUST 2 meals?
If you are not willing, then I sure do understand.
But you seem to be hurting anyway, when you break your promise to yourself again, like you would be if you were working towards an end of KEEPING promises to yourself.
Anyway - That's me being a buttinski as lovignly as I can and ask permission to push a button or two, just to see if you can see that there is more going on "under the surface" than there might seem to be.
If the answer is no, you know that certainly does not change my wanting good things for you! :} It just keeps me from poking a spot and asking if it hurts "here" and seeing if we might have some tools somewhere that are particularly useful for that ache and pain!
Or maybe even a less painful thing is to start replacing one of your self defeating thoughts a day.
And about UNDERSTANDING. Its great to understand, but do you understand how a catalytic converter works?
No? How in the world can you drive your husband to doctor's appointments or to the grocery store without that understanding?
Because you know it DOES work. The end. You know how to get in the car and "make go"
Sometimes same with us and bad habits. The WHY is buried under 3 lifetimes of **** Demanding to know WHY before we change anything is sometimes a handy excuse we use, instead of saying.
I DO NOT KNOW AND I DO NOT CARE AND I HAVE STOPPED TRYING. SHUT UP AND STOP ASKING ME.
Or, to not even be so direct, and just SAY WORDS that sound like we are willing to change, but we really are not.
Sometimes we really want to change, and sometimes we WANT to want to change, but we have not gotten there yet.
Tiny promises made to yourself and kept are empowering. I pray on you some tiny promises you can make yourself and KEEP this very day. You have learned to not trust your word. The person you SAY you are and the person you ARE and the person you WANNA be are all 3 way different folks.
Anyway.. *squeeze*
the love girlie.
Brandyilynn, You are amazing!
Thank you soo much for taking the time to write to me.
You are right about most if not all that you wrote.
You can "but" in all you want.
I was a skinny little thing growing up.
even after I had my babies I was 122.
then things happened I i guess I let it take over to the point I dont stop eating.
I am never "hungry", so this surgery should work wonders on me....
I so crave the thin me!!!
I also thought my mind would not be on food all the time anymore since not hungry, but it is.
Food is on my mind 100% of the time. I hate that!!!
That is where I am putting my feelings instead of "feeling" them.
My group conseling people, say I am enabling my husband and am a co-dependant.
I now understand what the meaning of those words are.
I have to find who I am.
and "what's eating me" or why I'm eating....
lol
Thank you soo much for taking the time to write to me.
You are right about most if not all that you wrote.
You can "but" in all you want.
I was a skinny little thing growing up.
even after I had my babies I was 122.
then things happened I i guess I let it take over to the point I dont stop eating.
I am never "hungry", so this surgery should work wonders on me....
I so crave the thin me!!!
I also thought my mind would not be on food all the time anymore since not hungry, but it is.
Food is on my mind 100% of the time. I hate that!!!
That is where I am putting my feelings instead of "feeling" them.
My group conseling people, say I am enabling my husband and am a co-dependant.
I now understand what the meaning of those words are.
I have to find who I am.
and "what's eating me" or why I'm eating....
lol
Barbara
Thank you so much Brandilyn,
Hugs and kisses right back atcha. I love the bike anaolgy, that works and is a good way of looking at it.
I was so proud of my journey. I did everything, including months of maintaining so well. I was pretty predictable to myself, knowing I would do well, then slip up, do well again and slip up. AND as I said I was ok with that... I knew I would get the job done, and I did!
This, here and now, I am not so ok with, but in other ways, it is ok. It allows me to have compassion and understanding for those that gained. It is what I do with this knowledge now that will count. I know I can do this. I hate, with a passion, dieting... however, that is what I now need to do. I did it before and I can do it again... liking it is not relavant. Just do it!
Next thing you know I will be back where I was and proud as a beautiful pea****!! I look forward to that. In the meantime, as an adult, a new adult (mind you), I will put my big girl panties on, and step up... do what needs to be done...
Because the alternative is not pretty, nor is it an option.
Skinny Cinny here I come.
Thanks so much for your love and support, my wise sweet friend.
Hugs,
Cindy
Hugs and kisses right back atcha. I love the bike anaolgy, that works and is a good way of looking at it.
I was so proud of my journey. I did everything, including months of maintaining so well. I was pretty predictable to myself, knowing I would do well, then slip up, do well again and slip up. AND as I said I was ok with that... I knew I would get the job done, and I did!
This, here and now, I am not so ok with, but in other ways, it is ok. It allows me to have compassion and understanding for those that gained. It is what I do with this knowledge now that will count. I know I can do this. I hate, with a passion, dieting... however, that is what I now need to do. I did it before and I can do it again... liking it is not relavant. Just do it!
Next thing you know I will be back where I was and proud as a beautiful pea****!! I look forward to that. In the meantime, as an adult, a new adult (mind you), I will put my big girl panties on, and step up... do what needs to be done...
Because the alternative is not pretty, nor is it an option.
Skinny Cinny here I come.
Thanks so much for your love and support, my wise sweet friend.
Hugs,
Cindy
