Disordered behavior carryovers post surg coffee tawlk

Okay - surgery changed our stomachs, but not our minds. Mostly we get that.

Some folks did not have disordered behaviors/thinking (I was going to save the thinking part for another post, this is just me talking about behaviors here).  I was not one of those people :} (surprise)

For me, some of the things that folks do as a part of their regular every day stuff, for me and my past behaviors, would equal the resurgence of disordered behavior for me.  *This is not me saying its disordered behavior FOR YOU, this is me saying this is a gateway behavior FOR ME*

So for me *and me alone*

5 day pouch test = the resurgence of binging and purging *for me* - For me, this is like a kneejerk over correction and will drive me straight off the other side of the road (eating too much X and then going on liquids WILL equal me cramming everything I can in my maw at some point very soon).  I DO UNDERSTAND that for some folks this is REALLY HELPFUL for them to detox back off of the carbs.  For me, I promised me and Trix that we would never EVER have to go on liquids again unless it was for a medical purpose, prescribed by a doctor. 

Increasing exercise to "atone" (for lack of a better word, although it really makes me cringe when folks use sin/guilt/confession/manipulative church words to describe our actions and food, but that's me and my peeve) for overconsumption, or just consumption of a food that is not in the regular fare.  In the beginning of my journey, I did ****pots of cardio - but that was in an effort to maximize the weightloss for my honeymoon period *honeymoon period being the period of time when I was fully with just a tiny amount, because I knew that was not going to last forever*

Do I exercise?  Yes.  Does my exercise vary from day to day?  Yes.  It does not drastically increase to make up for foodstuffs I *have* eaten or *will* eat.  Again, for me *based on past behaviors* this equals gateway behavior to binging and purging.  Do I eat my "exercise" calories?  Yes, now I do. In my quickest loss phase, no I did not. 

For me, I eat the foods that my body runs best on (which looks different for a lot of us), premeasured and contained,  90% of my time.  For me, this is not obsessive, it just takes away from time I have to spend considering, pondering, making choices about good/better/best.  This saves me time IRL, and it saves me hassle, in my mind. I box in times for pure dee joy eating, and I box in foods for those times.  For me, special foods for special times has worked so far.  I exercise because its a gift I give my body, the gift of my time and my attention, because its GOOD for my body not to puni**** for my overconsumption of something/some things. 

Not logging foods/exercise (in daily life, not on vacation or whatevs, but in daily life).  This *for me* would start to be the beginning of denial.  For me, logging food is, well its like balancing the checkbook. Its wise to know what I have, where I am, have all the basics been "paid for" et cetera. There are no surprises and if I "suddenly" gain 5 pounds (which, honestly if I am logging and the next point, weighing) I KNOW where it came from. There is no surprise.  I have a qualitative and quantitative accounting of my deposits and my expenditures, there is no "I feel like I can eat more" because I do not have to "feel" anything - its right here, in black and white (or whatever color my font is in!)

Not weighing daily.  See above, the beginning of denial.  I weigh in the mornings, nakie, after I whiz.  Its not to torture me, and it really does not do much in the way of changing what I eat, because, as above, for most of my breathing in and out life, I eat the same stuff, because its what my body runs best of, and they are foods that do not diddle with my thoughts/emotions. 

Sometimes, it seems that we get caught up in groupthink - like I know there are some maintenance folks who say its hard for them to come back to the vsg board, because they start to get an unhealthy want to lose more weight, because maybe they get caught up in the loss anxt/excitement on the regular board.

Like for me? Posting on the daily weigh ins/what are you eating threads are a dangerous thing.  If I start thinking about being accountable to someone else, then some switch in my head starts to flip and think I do not *have* to be accountable to me, which is wrong, wrong, dead wrong.  If I cannot be honestl with me, then I am screwed!!  Now! I DO understand that for some folks it really is very incredibly helpful and its one of their major tools for success, but not so much for me.

So!  Anyone else?  Carried over disordered behavior you recognize/work on changing/need to never start?

I cannot believe I am the only freak with disordered behavior around these parts, but if I am, I shall fly my freak flag proudly!  :}

Peace out and happy Saturday klownz!!  Its springtime in Lanta!! 

Time to LIFT!!  Rrrawwrr!!

I did not have a eating disorder prior to surgery other than over consumption which in itsself is probably a eating disorder lol...

i did not binge or purge, if i did over eat i just kept buying bigger clothes as i got bigger.

for me the 5day pouch test is a good way to detox off too many carbs but i dont do it very often...

although i tend to eat the same food for a few days at a time, im not one that can live on the same food over and over because i do get burnt out on it and have to move on to something else..

my latest craze is indian curries   yummmmm  but steak is something i do eat alot of...

I weigh my self daily if i dont i become in denial of how much i could have gained.


I think we all each have our own little quirky things we need for us to make this work, whether its a weigh in board, a watch you eating board, or 5day pouch test, or exercise to make up for extra calories...

I had an eating dis-order before VSG........I would order some of dis and some of dis.....and so on !

I agree that we all need to find our workable tools and then use them! 

 Loving this topic.

For me it was less about the food, the "whats" and more about the "whys."  I really have an urge to do something like the 5daypouchtest but it is like the devil on my shoulder.  When I start doing that, for myself, I get back into the polar dieting thinking and the "all or nothing" mentality.  But it's really really tempting.  Dieting has almost become a hobby.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to work on healthy eating.  But my focus has been different.  I started really dieting when I was 9 years old!  It's been such a part of my life.  Always working on it, but it not working.  The back and forth of being on a diet and being decidedly off a diet was almost a sport for me.  In that respect, the success is almost uncomfortable.   Like...what will I do?!  

Interesting point about "groupthink"...I hadn't considered that!  So many times in the past I felt like my success depended on something.  Like if one thing were out of balance, the house of cards would fall.  And sure enough, it was a copout.  I would depend on one product for breakfast and they stopped offering it, it was like "well, there goes that."  Or if I scheduled my gym time with a particular schedule and my schedule changed...you get the idea.  I think we have to determine to just do it.  Love that nike slogan.  

I did not binge and purge either.  However I used to think my eating was completely normal.  And as far as the food went, I continue to say it was.  But that polar thinking about meals got me into trouble.  It was almost as if I were doing it to spite myself.

I love the curries too.  Although at 9 months out it's still weird how sometimes my stomach doesn't want to tolerate spice.  It's very random.  I love panang curry.  Just a bite, and no rice.  But I get a lot of "pow" for my calorie bucks.

Oh, and I have to weigh myself often.  I don't do it strictly daily, but at least every couple days.  What would happen before was I'd not weigh on the weekend, eat whatever, be scared to see the gain, promise myself I'd "watch it" over the week and weigh the next weekend, no do well over the week, say "to hell with it" and next time at a Dr.'s appointment find I'd gained 30lbs. in the last 7 months.  True story.  Scary how that can happen.

I know too well the denial and gain a chunk of weight in an insanely short period of time, that's one big ol reason why this time not weighing is not an option.

I had most excellent curries on Saturday night.  Just do not have a pina colada later that evening, because oy.. the gas.  :}  Just saying, do not be a stove toucher on that one.  Let my poor belly share have learned that for the both of us.  :}

My whys are more of a deal than the action.  Like when folks have a binging episode and it bothers them, and folks say "do not worry, its not as much as it used to be" for me that is not comforting at all, because the point was not the food amount/lack of amount, its my why - my behavior that is what needs changing. 

Definitely a learning experience when we let it be! 

Thanks for sharing your thinks!

 I have a stupid question that is really irrelevant .... But, when you gained a chunk of weight in an insanely short period of time, do you think you ate enough calories for that to legimately happen?

Before surgery?  Yes indeed.  Volumes were the way I went. When I wasnt focused on white knuckling to stay "here" (wheverthat was) then my weight indeed flailed about.

I used to half joke that my weight graph looked like someone's ekg.  :} 

Mine looks more like a roller coaster in reverse ...  steady downhills and fast uphills, but would be a way funner ride than it was a life.   If I let up after a long period of restriction, I could gain 10lbs in a week.