xp Help, I cant stop

I like to eat/drink laundry soap.  Oh, I dont do it every day, but sometimes I will think - oh just a little wont hurt.  Then I will have it more often, then I get to where I want it more than once a week.  Sometimes, its scary, but I find myself licking the top of the comet can.

But so what do I do?  Dont tell me not to, its just not that easy. 

I DESERVE this. Its the only thing I have to reward myself for taking care of my disabled son/daughter, working my ****ty job that I hate, dealing with parents who have lost their minds and wander around being incontinent all over everywhere, or dealing with my chronic pain.

Wouldnt anyone who cared one whit tell me to STOP think about WTF I was doing?  ANYONE? 

Now, insert the thing that you do not seem to be able to have just "Some" of.

If I were ingesting something that was dangerous to me, and obviously I couldnt handle it "once in a blue moon" cuz then those blue moons start popping up all over everywhere, and it started affecting my health, or my GOALS for health - wouldnt that be a danger signal if it were

Drugs or alcohol of any sort?
Cutting?
Vomiting to purge?
Using laxatives to purge?

Just because it is food doesnt make it any LESS dangerous to us, folks.  This is the part where we really need to do some maturing.  Just cuz its good in our mouth, doesnt mean we NEED it.  Adults dont HAVE to have everything they WANT.  Right?  Wisdom and maturity say, some stuff you NEED, and some stuff you WANT needs to wait until you arent setting yourself up for dangerous situations, or failure, or self sabotage.

I use Shrink Yourself to do the mental work of unpeeling my emotional onion.  I use 10 Thin Commandments to learn ways to best block foods in (special foods for special times, and if I turn every day into special times, I AM THAT FOOD'S ***** AND IT NEEDS TO GO) or block foods out (the ones I CAN NOT HANDLE).

We need to learn to talk differently to ourselves about some things that we cannot handle.  Maybe some other folks could handle that *insert thing here* some times,  but by our actions, IF WE ARE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL, we arent that person. 

Its not that its bad or good, its just the way we are. 

GET TO GOAL, figure out the *problem food* thing AFTER THAT.  Food is ALWAYS gonna be there.  We might have gotten this surgery to be "normal" but if we are out of control, our actions speak loudly to the fact that, about *x thing* we arent normal, baby. 

Making peace with that will save you loads of heartache.  It really *is* just as simple as not having them - the complicated part is - how we consistently talk to yourself about it.

For some of us and some things one is way too many and oceans arent enough.  Figure out, BY YOUR ACTIONS not your want, what those things are and block them out until you get to goal - then, maybe see if your attitude/reactions have changed. They might, or they might not.

Please, please. WE RISKED OUR LIVES FOR AN ELECTIVE SURGERY!!  This whole journey is like a relationship - some folks only plan for the wedding (the initial weight loss and the joy of that) but do not do any planning for the "until death do us part"

And with this, unlike relationships, it really is death do us part.  I realize not everyone carries around the lovely mismatched hobo baggage that I do, and you may be glossy eyed hearing me talk about this again, but just be open.  If you see yourself ANYWHERE in somebody's "help" messages, realize that it might just not be about the portions, you might have disordered behavior and thinking

AND THAT IS NOT BAD!!!  Knowing what is TRUE is more than half the battle, my friends!! 

But the truth is - the KNOWING is not the hardest part, the hardest part has always been the doing.

Here's to us, doing better, every choice we get.

Amen, shelly belly, and Raaaameeeennn

Vizualized Whirled Peas!!  Peas out KLownz!

You had me cracking up with the beginning of this :-)

Sadly, I do charts on psych patients that actually DO this.  We humans are something else!

I could not agree more with every word your wrote.  I wish all newbies would be required to read this once a week.  It is the truth in a nutshell and it's good to have the truth.

Thanks!  It is good to have some truth in our diets!  I am always so thankful for the folks who have a glimpse of themselves before they even start.  I think it sure is easier on them than the folks who have to totally rediscover who they are when they are not stuffing. 

Is soap low carb???  Love the post.  When i refer to "normal"  I am referring (for the most part) to people who are not MO or obese...they have "normally " functioning bodies (insulin response/ resistance.metabolism,etc)  they are not affected by ingesting refined carbs  like many of us are.  They can and (do) eat crap.....don't get addicted,  don't gain weight etc.  They are in a small group of people.  Most of my "normie" friends still have to be "mindful" of what they eat.....or they might be in trouble.  But normal people sometimes...on occasion eat "crap"    This is my hope....at maintenance.  I will still have some "blocked" out foods  just like many people do......I think "that" way of thinking is smart....and "normal"   Stay away from "harmful'  substances!  My endo once told me......"think of soda as poison to you now!!"

My fella is normal, and yea, he is mindful of what he eats.  GRANTED he eats ****pots of carby/sugary stuff but his body seems to run well (or not gain and be lethargic) on it, but he still will freak out if mama is feeding us bacon and whatnot and is compelled to eat cereal and yogurt, so he can feel healthy again.  :} 

Now me?  Bacon and me are like.. well.. pigs in a bacon blanket.  :}  Mmmm. 

OMG Brandi, I thought you were serious and that you had a "problem"  you hadn't mentioned to us before, lol.

By the way, you will be happy to know that I think I finally found my trigger......white butter cream frosting from a can.  My daughter made cupcakes this past weekend and I couldn't keep my mitts out of it.  Thank God it's not something that one normally keeps around.  I mean I've got ice cream, huge 3 pound bags of both peanut and plain MnM's, no less than 6 bags of various chips and I can walk right past all of it.  But that dang frosting, lol...not so much.

Great post girlie!

Laura

I have very few secrets my love.  I used to live in them and got tired of trying to remember who I was hiding what from :} 

You must have me confused with an evil Brandi who enjoys other people having trigger food!!  I hate that you have to have one, but hooray that you know what it is!!  And well, you might have gotten that love from my side of the family. :}

I made a friend a low carb almond pound cake with buttercream icing and honey.... I coulda just stood there and squeezed that icing in my mouth all day.

I did not.

But I thought about it.  A lot!  

I can very much relate to this post. The hard part for me (I was telling my therapist about this last night) is that there are lots of foods that are like this for me, and they aren't necessarily full of carbs.

Any really tasty food for me can become something I want too much of. It's easy for me to see that I need firm boundaries with carbs.. I've had those in place for years. It took a little bit more work to see I needed those boundaries with cheese and nuts too.

In reality though, I can't even just have boundaries of just particular foods like carbs, nuts and cheese. I need to make sure the food I eat is NOT exciting.. it has to be boring and nutritious and so when I see people posting "tasty" recipes I immediately think.. yeah how can I make this boring?

When something tastes good, regardless of whether it is nutritious or not, I tend to want to over eat on it just to prolong the pleasure of eating it.  When you have a problem like this it's even harder to set that boundary.. KWIM?

So that's why I try to eat the same boring/safe recipes over and over again.. it keeps me from over eating, but it's very hard at times to figure out where the issues are at times.