Overwhelmed and paralyzed with emotion (long)

I know I know the answer to this but it may help me to air all of this. I am so jealous of those of you *****ached goal and those who are still losing. This has never been an emotion I've entertained but it seems like it has taken up residence, glaring its green eyes at me constantly.

On top of that I am angry that at one year my weight loss stalled! It just stopped! The "magic" of the sleeve seem to have vanished, I am hungry and do not ever feel satisfied or full. I work hard at being on track but I never seem to last more than a week before I start slipping up again. It's just like the old "diet will start on Monday" days. Consequently, I have lost and gained the same five pounds four times. My support staff tells me that I just have to exercise more and that I have done well losing 50% of my excess weight. Well, that is just not enough! You all gave some great suggestions to unidos and that gave me a little hope.

If all that isn't enough, the economy has ruined me financially. I need to claim bankruptcy but cannot afford a lawyer and legal support tells me to do it myself. That task is so overwhelming and emotional for me. I have been hiding my head in the sand. I have been without a full-time job for over 2 years which means I have to rely on freelance work. It just isn't enough to support me and i spend most of my time either doing the work I do get or looking for work.

I love doing graphic design, it is what I was born to do. It's my passion! (I was a hairstylist for 30 years, a career I never chose and never felt like I was using all of my talents.) I am turning 60 in a couple months and getting a full time job seems so elusive. I struggle to just pay the rent! I have no money to get help. I work constantly to get work and this week I just broke down. I cannot take any more rejection. I am great at what I do but due to all the competition I feel like no one sees me. I got so depressed, am feeling hopeless and GOD I want to sit in the middle of a bakery and eat everything they bake! I can't seem to focus on one thing because I have so many things I need to attend to. My days become a thrill ride (but not so thrilling) as I frantically search for work, search for answers, and end up frustrated, empty, and bottomless pit hungry!

I do not want to fail at this. I want to reach my goal. I feel so sad, lost, and paralyzed with all my problems. I am also tired of struggling. All of this emotional stuff is just blocking my progress or movement forward. ARGHHH! I am going to the pool and hopefully when I come back I will feel better or some of you wonderful peeps out there can help me see the light again.

Thanks for reading my rants!

OMG you are going through so many tough things that no wonder you want to eat the bakery. All of us  obese (or recovering obese) seem to have that common thread of eating due to stress or for other emotional reasons. So your feelings are not surprising. All I can suggest is to have protein things handy when those urges strike. Protein drinks can be expensive but eggs and string cheese purchased in bulk aren't too bad.

The job search must be tough - age discrimination is rampant - but you are in a much better position with 123 pounds gone than without that weight loss. Thats a very large amount of weight to lose in one year and many take longer to lose that amount. So feel good about what you have done and please try not to be too self critical for what you have left to lose. There was a post by Frisco not long ago about the illial brake which is a way of getting your gut to send full signals to your brain by eating raw broccoli or other raw fiberous vegetables as a between meal snack. Might help and make you feel like you are taking some positive steps. And while I have never been to overeaters anonymous, i have heard its very good and costs nothing and might help you vent and relieve some stress.

I wish you the best in your job search. Graphic design must be wonderful and a skill I admire; not sure where you  look for jobs in that field but keep looking. Everyone goes through rough rotten phases of life whether you hear about it or not and sometimes it seems like some people get more than their fair share. But keep reminding yourself how much weight you have lost and what an accomplishment that is and just because you have stalled out doesn't mean you are done.

Check in here from time to time - especially when you feel like overeating and get a dose of encouragement. This group is nothing if not about support to everyone here.

diane

Thank you so much for responding! Yes, I do tend to dscount my progress and I am better off now than I was health-wise. It is encouraging to hear from others and I read these boards throughout the day as I do get a lot of support from everyone who posts.

Oh, info, I am so sorry for what you are going through!  (((hugs)))  Please know that we are here to support you in any way we can.  Keep coming around and posting, and we will respond.

I, too, am struggling mightily with the food again and not winning the battle.  Every day I overeat, and every day I tell myself I am going to do better ... but I don't. 

Can you focus on your financial situation, put your energy there, and not worry too much about your weight right now?  Just eat as healthily as possible, but don't worry about it.  Your sleeve will still be there when you have the wherewithal to put your weight loss back on the front burner.

Please take good care of yourself.
--Dorothy

Thank you for your compassionate response. I so appreciate it!

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I know emotional strain makes things tough. not knowing if you can make it from one week to the next is not easy, it really does start to take its toll... we are still fighting to keep afloat after my husband was unemployed for 7 months so i really feel for you.  we may still have to file bankruptcy im just trying to avoid it for now. we took a job 3000 miles away from our home, left with only what could fit in our car. now we are trying to transfer back so we can once again live in our home (here is hoping)

I guess what im trying to say is what your going through is really tough, and would be for anyone, when i was going through it i  had to stop and realise that most of the stuff that was getting me down, i could not change, but i could do something, about me and my health... I too got off track for a bit but then decided that it was not where i wanted to be... so i went back and checked on what was different than what i had done during the time when i was losing weight..
I had put back alot of things in my diet and was allowing myself to eat junk... so i cleaned out my house (husband ate everything i didnt want around)  and started back with a clean basic diet.

for me losing weight gave me a boost in feeling good about me and gave me something else to think about which i really needed, staying in constant contact helped me to stay foccussed.

Anytime you need to rant  then feel welcome to come and post, although eating our way through delicious cakes at a bakery tastes good, its not so good when we have to later wear them...  
maybe you can add fruit and veges to help full you up so your not hungry, most are low in calories and have alot of fiber in them which may help you feel full.

But dont give up hang in there and if you need help we are just a post away.

Thank you, it helps to know of other's plight in this economy. Sorry you had to leave your home behind. Sometimes I feel like those of us who still have not found work, exhausted unemployment and our retirement funds are being swept under the rug.

I know what you mean about losing weight making you feel better about yourself and it has done that for me too. I want that feeling back. At least i felt like I had the handle on something for a while.

Thanks for the suggestions too. I read the message board several times a day. More veggies and some fruit does fill me up a bit more and when I have been able to stay on track that is what helped me lose those gained pounds.

Oh babygirl!!  What a mess and I am so sorry, and I am sorry that none of those words are really helpful.  I wish I were close and I could hug your neck, which ALSO really would not be helpful in terms of getting anything done.  Maybe we can brain storm around here, so many schmaaties.

*lovelovelove*

Brandi - praying for a flash of genious and a glut of work for you.

Thanks so much for your virtual hugs!

Big Hugs to you!!        are you on antidepressants? I ask because my urge to eat (especically bakery products!)  was much worse before I was & they work on the feeling of being overwhelmed, too.  I also have not have a full time job for a long time - years, I get by on whatever PRN hours I find and part time, no health insurance. I know it's hard. and the meds cost so damn much, arrgh, but I wouldn't be without them.

I hope the venting does help you feel better and let me just point out a couple of things:   you are much better off at the weight you are now & I think you should relax and let up on trying to lose more when you are so stressed.

you are blessed to have found a field in which you can work that you also enjoy!

you are a very good writer!

I hope things get better for you: can you find any hair cutting work on the side for a few bucks?