What do you make of someone like me???

Hey there everyone!

This is a response I wrote to someone earlier today who was expressing their desire to "not be on a diet" and "live and eat normally" after surgery and I just wanted to put it out there.  I have a huge amount of respect for each and every one of you that post here on a regular basis but sometimes, well a lot of times, it is very hard for me to relate to you all because our approach is so very different.  It seems that by and large you are all very strict with your diets, calories, carbs etc. and I have no doubt that you will all be successful long term, no doubt whatsover, but I don't doubt myself and my way whatsover either.  So, I guess my point in this is just to present a different point of view.  I think most of the time when you hear someone say "I didn't have this surgery to be on a diet for the rest of my life." you tend to jump to the conclusion that they mean that they are going to sit around eating Girl Scout cookies and drinking milkshakes all day long.  I know that for me that is certainly not the case and I don't think anyone would actually think they could get away with living like that.  I live a very healthy lifestyle and I have never felt or looked better yet my approach is completely different than the norm.  Do you just think I am a freak of nature?  Or do you say "Tsk tsk...just wait until that weight starts piling back on and don't come crying to us!" ??  OR, is it that maybe there is more than one way to skin a cat? lol


PS  The "attackers" and "diet zealots" are NOT y'all...I have never seen any of you attack and be rude to people (that I know of...lol)

Post Date: 2/3/11 8:50 am
Yes, I totally "get" what you are saying.  Honestly, I am shocked that you didn't get attacked for what you posted or accused of "not being ready for surgery" or "come back when you decide you are ready to change your relationship with food" yada, yada, yada.  Trust me, I have completly changed my relationship with food and just because I don't prescribe to a strict calorie, carb, and fat gram counting diet does not mean I was not ready for surgery.  There is one lady on here (liveinphoenix) who is a very successful 2.5 year post-op and she has the same philosophy and she always says, "You can argue with me, but you can't argue with my results!". 

By eating anything and everything ( but of course I am mindful of what I am eating and do not sit around eating cookies all day lol), not counting or tracking anything but protein intake I have done the following:
 
1.  I lost all my excess weight in 8 months and have had to purposely eat higher calorie foods in the months since to prevent further weightloss.

2.  During my losing phase, I never experienced a single stall.

3.  Lightweights are "supposed" to lose slower...I did not.

4.  I am not proud of this part and I am working on it ,but I did very little exercise during my losing phase yet I still lost effortlessly.

5.  I feel absolutely NO STRESS or condemnation whatsoever in the food and eating area.  No guilt.   No "bad" foods or a "bad eating day".  I feel like I am just a normal thin person.

6.  I can honestly say that I have never once binged on anything since my surgery.  This seems to be a big reason why people feel they have to stick to their strict diets but for me it hasn't been an issue.  I don't have the desire to binge nor do I have the capacity in my tiny tummy to do so.
 

Now, let me be clear that I am not condeming a strict dieting mindset because I do believe that people need to do what works for them and if they need that feeling of control then that is what they should do.  I am merely stating what has worked beautifully for me and I see no reason why it won't continue to work beautifully indefinitely.  There are many people who share this view but we pretty much have to keep it on the downlow to avoid the attacks of the diet zealots. lol

I take you as a kindred spirit... I am the same way about my journey and have wondered what people make of me as well. I have even stopped posting on most WLS related posts because I have had people actually say they were waiting for my weight to come back..

I knew you felt this way too...thanks for chiming in.  I know exactly what you mean! lol

I think we all come from different backgrounds of our "why" we were heavy.  I think we all have different sensitivities to things! 

I think if you can have some of whatever and it works then IT WORKS!!! YAAAY!! 

I dunno, like I like to say, this is not a math question or a faith thing where there is only one way! The way you can do it and MAINTAIN is the way it oughta be!!  

*edit to add this and then I do not care if I have more thoughts!  :}  I also tell folks this - this whole thing is a relationship - sometimes you need to change a thing for the good of the relationship. If something worked for a while and then it does not work, then do not fight your body, or insist that it work like somebody else, find out how YOUR body needs you to do it *now* 

I did not lose any slower than anybody else and I never had a stall either.  I also do not have stress or guilt or condemnation about when its party food time!  I eat crazy clean 90 to 95% of the time for my health, for my sanity, because how I eat is how my body runs best! And the other 10 to 5% ?  party time baby!  There is no need for guilt or extra exercise or whatever, because for me, special food for special times!  Its all good!

I exercised because I have ALWAYS EXERCISED!!  I lifted because I knew I would have extra skin and needed something nice for it to drape over :} 

I *have* binged on things after my surgery, but baby, that's old habit in me!  Just because *I* am one way does not mean ANYBODY else is!!  And I really try and always make sure that I *do* make that point.

And this is why I say a lot 

"Here is what is true for me - it *might* be true for you or not!"

Because we are not the same, but we can share from what our knowing is!   

I think that zealots are zealots, and evangelists are evangelists and honestly, unless you are of the same bent, you really just do not dig or wanna buy what they are selling, when the bottom line they are pushing is

AND THIS IS THE ONLY WAY!!!

When people come back and say they have gained weight I ask them..

Do you now or did you weigh your food, are you a protein first person, are you a little bit of whatever person

Because all of those things help me to see what their past was, and how they went about all of this!  Because maybe it will always be the same later!  Or maybe it *will not* always be the same later, and I am really interested in finding out the whys for a lot of stuff!  And too, when people say " I am freaking out I can eat more" More? What does more mean?  If you are gaining weight but you cannot even begin to tell me were to start troubleshooting, then I have no help for you *the general you* But if you can give me specifics, we can dig around and try options, but if there is no "baseline" informaiton, then *shrug* what can anyone do to be helpful?

I get a weariness about the carb wars or whatever, I really work hard to impress the point - that FOR ME this is for my sanity!  This is for my health and I say to other folks YOU GOTTA FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!

Because we are all different (in clumps!!).

I say "you can argue with me, but you cannot argue with my results" because I cannot even tell you how much flack I get that my diet is 65% fat, 30% protein and 5% carbs.  You cannot BELIEVE the crap that flies out of people's mouth, from if you do not have carbs you will be stupid to you will be ugly! 

What? 

So, yea, I can dig not wanting to share, but DO NOT STOP SHARING WHAT IS TRUE FOR YOU!!  Somebody is like you!  Just like somebody is like ME!  Its okay for us not to all be the same!

That's what I think, anyway.

ANd too, I guess what I think when I hear that someone did not do this to be on a diet, or they did it to be "normal" is
 
A - by and large, *most* of us ARENT normal in our dealings with food. 
B - A diet is what you eat!  Make choices that nourish your body!  *Whatever that means for your body* 

But do not overeat *insert thing here, whether its cake, mashy taters or a ****pot of bacon* and come crying about it!  Be grown, grow a set - choices, consequences and all that! 

And that I have gotten HUGE amounts of flack for still tracking?  I have lost and gained *wayyy tooo much* poundage MORE THAN ONCE!

If somebody was embezzling from me, I surely could forgive them, but they NEVER get to be *in charge* of MY MONEY ever again!  Not without balances and checks!

See? But that is *me*

And you know!  I gotz the baggage!  :}  But its all cool!  When folks ask if they can do this without being low carb, I point them towards yall and Cindy and LIP and other folks who do it and make it happen that way. 

And see, I think point of view is HUGE!  I do not see me as having a "strict diet mentality" I see me as having a point of view about food that a whole lot of what I used to eat did not nourish me, it created crazy cravings in me and made me insane most of the time and, well, honestly self destructive.  I do not eat this way because I *have* to, because anybody told me I oughta, I eat this way because I finally found how my body *REALLY* runs best!   That, to me is not "a diet" its my diet, because its "how" I eat, but I do not eat it because I am holy and honorable if I do, and if I do not I need to confess or seek absolution - I eat that way because I feel best and sane and strong and can do all the stuff I need to do from 3:00 in the freaking morning until my head hits the bed at 9:00 at night!  That is a BEAUTIFUL thing!

I am proud on yall!  You found your way to make it work! 

That matters!

I'm curious about your relationship towards food prior to surgery??  I was pretty much living like you both prior to Xmas but put on a few pounds during the holidays and some of the old diet tendencies have crept in since I have consciously tried to lose those few pounds. The binge/guilt scenario (couldn't really call it a binge like the old days but I can still put away a fair few chips and cookies).

It really worries me - in fact the terror at regaining the weight has kept me awake at night - last night I was awake at 4am and my hubby woke up and asked me what had been on my mind! I was too ashamed to tell him and told him it was 'pathetic'! When I did tell him he said that nothing about my issues with weight and food were pathetic and that for me it was a huge issue ... love love love that man!!

Well today I feel a whole lot better (problem shares problem halved and all that) and am looking fwd and not back!!  For me though I think it may be a constant battle!

I think we all need to "know" ourselves, and how we became fat.   this is NOT a "one size fits all" process, any more than those clothing labels. (now some of them say "one size fits most!")   But like those clothing labels one looks at the overall majority of people to fall in that category. . For the majority of MO or formerly MO people we will need to change our "lifestyle" (diet if you will)  to be successful long term.  I think people like you are the "exception" to the rule........count yourself lucky!  I know there are many people who think like you........but I bet there are very few who live, eat, metabolize food,  carbs,  etc like you, and can be less strict W/ diet and exercise.  I think the problem lies in someone like me....who will forever be living healthy......thinking I can or will be able to not worry about what I put in my mouth.  I know myself too well.......not gonna happen!   I  have never had a false sense of what it will take for ME to be successful.  Some "newbies"  want to think they will be like you (or others) who do not need to be so "strict" with diet.   Unfortunately ........ MOST MO people  cannot afford to think that way,  or they  will be VERY disappointed when they start "living " it!    I wish I didn't need to be so  "analytical" when putting food in my mouth!   But this is what I "signed up for"...........NO illusions......... NO disappointments........just gratitude!   I think this turned out FAR better than my expectations!  I'm glad what works for you is workin' too!    It is ALL good........we ALL want the same end to this journey.  Some peoples' rainbow is bumpy, full of obstacles, and loooonger, some peoples' rainbow is smooth, obstacle free, and shorter........we all seek that "pot o' gold" at the end!   The "diet zealots'" don't like the fact that  some can be successful without being so "strict" ........ a bit of the "green eyed"  diet monster I suppose?      

When I look at people that are struggling to lose weight and make the choice to not change their habits, I worry that they are relying on the tool (VSG) too heavily and not changing the underlying behaviors.

I worry that they won't be successful and I want them to be realistic about what that success might take, and I suspect that the "eat anything" approach works for a lot fewer people than the watch what you eat approach. I'd rather see people play it safe than be sorry that they did no****ch what they ate.

A lot of times the amount of time people really have to buckle down isn't that long anyway, and then after that they can play around and see what they can get away with. I also want them to be healthy which has a lot to do with their nutrition. For me dietary changes are not just for effective weight loss, they are for health reasons.

It's not just that I think carbs are sinful and evil, but that I think they can displace proper nutrition in some VSG folks, and they can actually cause a great many health issues. There are many known health issues related to elevated insulin levels, and insulin levels get raised by carbs.

That can cause many health issues such as diabetes, damaged arteries and the like, irregardless of weight. I try not to preach to people and I hope I'm never insulting, but I do try to discuss looking at things from a different perspective to invite others to consider looking at things differently.

To me self-love equals taking care of my body, so I can do all of the other wonderful things in life like dance, play, run, bend, make love and live a long time to raise my grandchildren. Foods that are not good for me (whether or not they make me gain weight, which they usually do) are counter-productive to my goal for self love and self care; they are by definition mutually exclusive.

Some people CAN do moderation.. I'm not one of them. Not only is it an issue that I will go on a binge, but I look at just ONE little cupcake as taking away just a little bit more of my life. What if that ONE cupcake makes me live just one day less; will I miss that day? You bet!

Or what if that one cookie damages my arteries just a little bit more or makes me just a little bit more fatigued so I miss one more workout? My mother died at the age of 60 of complications from diabetes, obesity and heart disease.

She had a massive heart attack and keeled over at her desk at work after a huge lunch at an indian place. She had already had a small heart attack and stroke in her 50's. I miss her every day. She used to tell me she loved food and she didn't want to restrict her intake.

I try not to, but sometimes I get kind of angry at her. I wonder why she didn't love her life and me more than she loved food. I'm not willing to pay that price. I can tell you that I love my son (and myself) MORE than any cookie, doughnut, or ANY food on the planet.

It is with this perspective that I manage to day in and day out, meal after meal, not have bad foods. I know what they cost me. I'm not willing to pay the piper. That doesn't mean I will never slip, because I am human, but it means that I won't stay slipped because there would be too great a disconnect with my fundamental beliefs and outlook for me to stay slipped for very long.

It is from this perspective that I look at things, and I do feel my relationship with food is a healthy one. It doesn't mean it's better than other people's relationships, but I love that I can look at food as purely fuel and something to nourish my body, and make choices accordingly, rather than what emotion (pleasure?) it might make me feel for a short time with unknown and unseen health costs.

My time here on earth and the quality of my time is much more important than any special food on a special occassion.. my health is the most special thing that I have. It took me many years to gain this perspective and I always wish that I could share this with others.. it feels good to look at this world this way and I only want to share that good feeling.

I only wish for one moment you could see things from my world, because the view is beautiful to me and I love to share it with others. So when ever I get the chance and I see someone who LOVES cupcakes, I can't help but want to give them a glimpse into my world, where cupcakes are nothing to love.

P.S. I think this message is giving Brandilynn a run for her money. I hope I don't get booted from OH for using too many words too! LOL. Love you babybean.

See, what you are not understanding is that I do "see things from your world", well, I understand them the best that I can and I "get" what you are saying but your way of viewing food as fuel and only fuel will never be "my way".  I don't even WANT to look at it that way.  To me enjoying the pleasure of delicious foods and treats is part of what makes life beautiful and wonderful and I don't think of a cupcake as "taking a day off of my life".  You make it sound like I don't care if I am healthy or not and that is simply NOT the case.  Like I said, whatever works for you and keeps you healthy (mind and body) is great but it is not the ONLY way.

PS  I am sorry about your losing your mother and I totally relate to what you are saying.  I lost my father to a massive heart attack when I was only 14 years old...he was only 36.

Is not perception funny.

I did not hear her saying that you do not care if you are healthy or not.  I heard her say - that seeing things from that POV helps her to to have resolve in her way of eating, and not resent the way she needs to be, that her concern is for the people who *struggle* with the weight loss and *cannot* be moderate.

You, my love, are neither a struggler, or a person who cannot do moderate.  You are an excellent moderate non struggler! 

But, I am not putting words in her mouth, I just thought it was funny, because we read the same words, but have way different filters that we run it through.

LOL...that is funny because I totally felt like it was a lecture about why I shouldn't be eating cupcakes and I love me some cupcakes (in moderation of course!)

PS  Your response didn't feel that way and I totally "get" what you are saying and I think you "get" me...you are a master of words and I wish I could express myself the way you do.  It's incredible really.  You need to write the Brandilynn Wonderland Book of Wisdom For Life...put that on your to-do list!