VSG Maintenance Group
Posting some recent pics! plus my shrinking boobies, one semi-racy...don't worry, I'm...
Thank you so much Brandilynn. This really resonates with me.
For yearrrrs I have had a problem with using men on the internet to boost my self esteem and I'm so tired of what random strangers think of me having such a strong effect on my self image. If one doesn't give me as much attention anymore, I start thinking it's because I'm ugly or fat or whatever. They think I'm sexy because that's what I show them - but it's a lie. If they saw the truth they would be revolted. And it shouldnt even matter to me!!
Maybe because my father abandoned us is the reason I am constantly seeking approval and attention from men, even if it's just online. I just feel so sad that I'm not really the bombshell they all think I am. And I shouldn't feel that way. I have nothing to prove to anyone.
And it's worse because my husband seems LESS attracted to me now that I lost weight and I wonder if it's because of the skin. He says no, but we aren't intimate anymore and he barely even looks at me. I ask him if he thinks I look nice and he says yes, but actions speak louder than words.
I just wish one day I would feel "good enough." That is the hardest part of this whole process for me. Losing weight was the easy part.
For yearrrrs I have had a problem with using men on the internet to boost my self esteem and I'm so tired of what random strangers think of me having such a strong effect on my self image. If one doesn't give me as much attention anymore, I start thinking it's because I'm ugly or fat or whatever. They think I'm sexy because that's what I show them - but it's a lie. If they saw the truth they would be revolted. And it shouldnt even matter to me!!
Maybe because my father abandoned us is the reason I am constantly seeking approval and attention from men, even if it's just online. I just feel so sad that I'm not really the bombshell they all think I am. And I shouldn't feel that way. I have nothing to prove to anyone.
And it's worse because my husband seems LESS attracted to me now that I lost weight and I wonder if it's because of the skin. He says no, but we aren't intimate anymore and he barely even looks at me. I ask him if he thinks I look nice and he says yes, but actions speak louder than words.
I just wish one day I would feel "good enough." That is the hardest part of this whole process for me. Losing weight was the easy part.
5'8" - 40 years old
I had the not around father and the pediphile step father. I hear your words. I get every single bit of what you say. Every. Single. Bit.
With my husband, there is this thing in him.. when I feel clingy, even when I do not ACT clingy, something slams shut in his eyes, like that door in Get Smart. He does not do it on purpose, he does not mean to do it. He does not even KNOW he does it.
But, I have had to learn that our fluctations in intimacy come a whole lot from his stress and my stress, and the more I have a pathological *NEED* with a weird gotta get/feed my ego - the less willingly available he seems to be. And he does not do it in purpose, but it seems like - whatever desperation thing that I stink of that moment is a turn off. When I am confident and well kept in my mind and in my soul, then something about him stumbles all over me.
And maybe once that bothered me, but when something clicked in me and I realized, I was choking him, trying to get everything out of him that was not supposed to come FROM him. My worth is my own. He is an ADDITION to my world and the beauty of it, he cannot sustain and keep alive a sense of confidence in a swirling, sinking ship. That was never his job, and he never signed up for that. And if I put it in the fine print, that was a rotten trick. I was enough and he was an addition. He enhances my life - he cannot sustain the bottomless pit that I can become when I let me spin into neurotic.
The wishing does not get folks like us to good enough baby. Like the wishing did not grow our muscles.
Its hard work. And its harder than pushing iron, because no pretty pictures show our progress.
But its WORTH it. Its SO worth it. Its worth it to have done the work and KNOW you are enough, even if nobody ever looked at you again.
Its not easy, but its the best work you can do for you and yours, babygirl.
With my husband, there is this thing in him.. when I feel clingy, even when I do not ACT clingy, something slams shut in his eyes, like that door in Get Smart. He does not do it on purpose, he does not mean to do it. He does not even KNOW he does it.
But, I have had to learn that our fluctations in intimacy come a whole lot from his stress and my stress, and the more I have a pathological *NEED* with a weird gotta get/feed my ego - the less willingly available he seems to be. And he does not do it in purpose, but it seems like - whatever desperation thing that I stink of that moment is a turn off. When I am confident and well kept in my mind and in my soul, then something about him stumbles all over me.
And maybe once that bothered me, but when something clicked in me and I realized, I was choking him, trying to get everything out of him that was not supposed to come FROM him. My worth is my own. He is an ADDITION to my world and the beauty of it, he cannot sustain and keep alive a sense of confidence in a swirling, sinking ship. That was never his job, and he never signed up for that. And if I put it in the fine print, that was a rotten trick. I was enough and he was an addition. He enhances my life - he cannot sustain the bottomless pit that I can become when I let me spin into neurotic.
The wishing does not get folks like us to good enough baby. Like the wishing did not grow our muscles.
Its hard work. And its harder than pushing iron, because no pretty pictures show our progress.
But its WORTH it. Its SO worth it. Its worth it to have done the work and KNOW you are enough, even if nobody ever looked at you again.
Its not easy, but its the best work you can do for you and yours, babygirl.
I am a blubbering idiot... man you are something else Brandi. I love you honey!
I have to say Brandilynn, that is some of the most insightful writing I have ever seen. I see many of the things in Mandy that you do but I had difficulty articulating my thoughts.
It seems to me that the many times Mandy posts her photos, she is wanting approval, and I try to give it because it seems that is what she needs. But we can't fix that deeper down, Mandy doesn't approve of Mandy.
As you said, our voices aren't as loud as the voices in her head. Mandy, I'd invite you to stop looking in the mirror and taking photos for a while.. those are just distractions. Be with yourself, your inner true self and learn to love her.
There's an expression.. fake it until you make it. It sometimes works.. repeat in your mind that you are perfect and whole as you are as often as you can. Perhaps if you say it often enough you'll learn to believe it.
I've been overweight all of my life and I don't consider myself beautiful, but I've never had a problem attracting others, because truly they could see my inner love and self confidence.
I have dated male models and men that could surely get any women they wanted, but most women didn't have the confidence to approach them. In fact I asked a few of the guys I dated if I was their type and they told me honestly not really, that there was just "something about me".
Truly I think that was them seeing my inner beauty, because I surely have never had it on the outside as you so fortunately have.. .and it has never mattered either.
I hear what you are saying about how it hurts that your husband has rejected you lately. I don't think it's the skin. I do think it's the desperation you feel, or it might also be that you look so good now you make him nervous. Either way, the attraction of any man, even your husband, does not define your worth, as Brandilynn said.
It seems to me that the many times Mandy posts her photos, she is wanting approval, and I try to give it because it seems that is what she needs. But we can't fix that deeper down, Mandy doesn't approve of Mandy.
As you said, our voices aren't as loud as the voices in her head. Mandy, I'd invite you to stop looking in the mirror and taking photos for a while.. those are just distractions. Be with yourself, your inner true self and learn to love her.
There's an expression.. fake it until you make it. It sometimes works.. repeat in your mind that you are perfect and whole as you are as often as you can. Perhaps if you say it often enough you'll learn to believe it.
I've been overweight all of my life and I don't consider myself beautiful, but I've never had a problem attracting others, because truly they could see my inner love and self confidence.
I have dated male models and men that could surely get any women they wanted, but most women didn't have the confidence to approach them. In fact I asked a few of the guys I dated if I was their type and they told me honestly not really, that there was just "something about me".
Truly I think that was them seeing my inner beauty, because I surely have never had it on the outside as you so fortunately have.. .and it has never mattered either.
I hear what you are saying about how it hurts that your husband has rejected you lately. I don't think it's the skin. I do think it's the desperation you feel, or it might also be that you look so good now you make him nervous. Either way, the attraction of any man, even your husband, does not define your worth, as Brandilynn said.
Start weight: 388, Current Weight: 185, Goal Weight: 180, Weight Lost: 203 lbs
Certified Nutritionist ♥ VSG FAQ♥ sublimate: To elevate or uplift.
3/2012 Plastics: LBL, 3 Hernias Fixed, BL/BA, Rhinoplasty & Septum Fix. 6/2013 Plastics: Arm and thigh lift
Um, no. The "many times" I have posted pics I have not been seeking your approval. I post pics to show people what it looks like to lose massive weight, or because I'm happy about my weight loss. Lately I have been feeling weird about my body because I'm skinny in some areas, skinny-fat in others, have loose skin in places, and have muscles which is hard to see under the loose skin.
I don't think you "get it" like you claim to.
I don't think you "get it" like you claim to.
5'8" - 40 years old
I went away this weekend with a bunch of OH peeps and everyone kept telling me how skinny I am. (Shrugs) I felt very embarassed and wanted to convince them otherwise while at the same time biting my tongue cuz I know that I don't always see what other people see. It's part of the journey and process of adjusting to our new bodies. That is the hardest part , the mental - not losing the weight, not working out, etc...
This post has been like a therapy session that I hope those that need it (like me) will read & re-read.
Mandy, I'm sure you can think of people here and those that were here over the past couple of years and how they asked some of these same questions - remember your thoughts at the time? That's how we feel and hope you see the same thing soon too. Hugs babe.
Mandy, you are doing great and very inspiring. I respect Brandilynn and all her insight so much I have purchased 5 books she has recommended. I am afraid the "head stuff" will be my downfall. All I know to do is to keep plugging along. I know you have to love yourself first. That is something I have to work on also. Good Luck
Kat
Kat
27 lbs lost on pre-op liquid diet
