Ramblings...self-acceptance and food guilt

Ok so I wanted to give an update on how I'm doing emotionally, if anyone cares. :p

You all know I've been struggling with my self-esteem due to loose skin issues. I'm in a much better place right now. I'm still very unhappy about my skin, but I work really hard on trying to focus on the positive rather than the negative. I like how I look more and more each day. I will never be "perfect" but I am who I am and I'm loveable regardless of my flaws. = )

Ok so food guilt. One thing I have noticed since I joined this site is how much food guilt there is. I can honestly say that I don't ever feel guilty about eating anything - no matter if it's cake or beer or nachos.

Why? 

Because I try to fit these foods into my caloric requirements.
Because there are no "good" and "bad" foods.
Because no one food is going to make me fat.
Because it's about choices and portions rather than individual foods.
Because I don't demonize any food, period.
Because I am human and I'm going to eat "junk" occasionally. That's ok!
Because I made the choice to eat it and beating myself up solves NOTHING.
Because shame spirals are what kept me fat to begin with.
Because food is not the enemy.
Because it doesn't mean I'm "weak" if I make a not-so-great choice.
Because what I put in my mouth is not a reflection of my character.
Because nobody is perfect...NOBODY.
Because I can pick myself up, brush myself off, and make a better choice next time.

In fact, I'll be eating birthday cake tomorrow (my daughter's birthday) and not feel the least bit guilty about it. Actually looking forward to it!

Ok that's all I wanted to get off my chest at the moment. Hope everyone is doing well!!

Oh man, did you ever hit me between the eyes!  I've been fighting with the food for months now and having many of the "food is my enemy" guilt feelings.  What you say is SOOOO helpful!  Thanks so much, Mandy :-)
--Dorothy

I'm so glad you are feeling better about things Mandy!!  You truly are beautiful inside and out!!  LOVE your thoughts on the guilt issue...people so need to take it to heart.

Hello gorgeous! Glad you are feeling better my friend.. I don't do guilt either when it comes to food.. it is such a waste of emotional energy over something that shouldn't have emotions attached to it in the first place.. Happy Birthday to your baby girl!

Glad you are feeling better Mandy. Your thoughts on food and guilt (or lack thereof) are important. All our fat lives we have all gotten so tied up in emotions of guilt and good and bad and moral character in retation to what foods we eat or are able to resist or not resist. And if you think about it, this attitude is absurd. Food is fuel and much of it can be very pleasant and downright sensual. But its not good and evil. Maybe appropriate or inappropriate or healthy and unhealthy.

We all get sucked into this guilt thing about eating at an early age. I certainly was "shamed" by well meaning family for overeating. I really wish everyone in the world who has a weight issue could change this thinking. You have done it and I am proud of you.  Now you are beginning to do the same thing with your body image feelings and thats equally excellent. We all have some degree of this baggage though us older ones kind of get over it because we get wrinkles, sags, brown spots and grey hair and chin hair anyway. Just add it to the list.

As a young woman I hope you can celebrate and really enjoy your new and improved body. Probably the only regret I have about my younger life is that even though I was overweight to varying degrees at all times, I let it get in my way of enjoying things. I just assumed that because I was fat I was not allowed to date good men or do various things. So dumb.  So keep working on that attitude. Its great to see you improving it.   best to you.  diane

  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAmen, Sister!  
I think I have commented before how I completely agree with your food philosophy as it is very nearly my own 

One glass of wine or wine bite of chocolate did not get me fat.  It was the behaviors I had in eating these foods.  And at least in my case, the reason I was eating such large portions and this kind of behavior often went back to the psychology of good foods/bad foods, and the dieting mentality.  If my success with surgery depended on me being "good" 100% of the time....well this would fail.  I've realized that it's unrealistic and impossible for me to eat clean all the time.  And, honestly, it's not worth it to me.  Sure, I could say that I will, I could berate myself when I fail, but that was the problem.  I have to do what is realistic.  With the help of the sleeve I can eat less, and begin to live like a "normal" person.  Just the idea to think of having the sleeve and then returning to the world of dieting makes me shudder.

Now, healthy decisions and forward progress, I'm all for.  And whatever anyone needs to be successful.  For me, having a strict diet plan now would be the same old song, different verse.

glad you're feeling better. thanks for your insight about food guilt, so true, so true. and yes, we do care about you :P hope you have a great day! and happy bday to your daughter!

 Glad to hear you are doing better.  This is something I am struggling with right now myself and I'm having a really hard time with.  I don't see too many posts on the struggles with loose skin and body image...but I'm there right now.  My husband doesn't understand it at all and trying to get through it.  

So it's encouraging to see that someone else is getting through that.   Good for you!

I'm with you on the food guilt thing.  I eat balanced and never feel deprived or guilty.  So at least that's on my side.  

HI Mandy...glad you're feeling better about things.  I eat without guilt too as long as I stay in my calorie range.  I mostly make good choices, but I do have a treat or two every single day.  After all, what fun would life be without treats?!?!  Happy b-day to your kiddo.  Enjoy that cake!

Laura

Howdy Mandy and Happy Bday to Mandy's Child wherever you are.
I do have to say how much your post resonated with me.
I am with you on the no shame/guilt/self acceptance track.
I struggle with letting go of my guilt and shame about food and eating.
Does this mean I did not and do not have issues with food. Oh Hell No.
What it means is that my issues will not be resolved by me being my own food Nazi. My issues will not be resolved by being black and white about food
My issues will not be resolved by obessessing about ever morsel I put in my mouth.
That thinking got me to 263 lbs and a surgeon in MX.
What I am trying to do is make peace with myself and food.
What I do try to do each day is live mindfully with what I eat, why I eat and how I eat.
What I strive to do is have realistic expectations of myself and my weight loss and maintaining that loss.
I do not need to be size 0 to be OK. I do not need to weigh myself each day to be at peace. I do not need to weigh and measure my food daily.
I DO need to eat healthy which means reasonable expectations. Yep I might have some cookies but I do not eat those every day.  On the other hand I am not a big fan of bread or pasta so I dont eat much of those.
I did not mean to ramble on like this but I sometimes get frustrated that so much of this group seems to be about what I view as diet mentality black and white thinking about food and that did not serve me well before.
I work hard to deal with my demons and make peace with them.
I am not a big fan of Dr Phil but one of the things he says that I do like is
If you have skeletons in your closet you better learn to dance