Random Thoughts/Observations

Sooo......

 

As I still feel "New" to the whole weight loss surgery thing.... Even at 15 months out and 22lbs. below goal. And even newer to Maintenance.......

 

I have a few "Random" Thoughts/Observations and just wondering if they are shared?????

 

- Even after losing 185lbs. I still can't comprehend it completely. Unbelievable.... a fricking 185lbs. That's another whole overweight person !!!!  (not even trying to boast or brag) How did I let it get that far out of control???

 

- At this point the weight loss seems like the easy part? Maintaining is the unknown that I'm VERY afraid of. (I don't mean to discount any ones weight loss efforts and struggles) I mean it takes effort to lose the weight, but if you follow the instructions.... It seems to work out.

 

- Life long Mental Issues from being overweight (**fat) for such a long time take longer to resolve than the actual weight loss.

- Why do I look at my pants every morning and think..... I won't fit in them.
 

 

- The mirror...... A friend now..... but why am I still afraid of it? Same with being photographed (and I'm a photographer) Same with the restaurant booth.....still afraid I'm gonna be seated at a booth.

 

- When we were in weight loss mode......we hated stalls...... now in maintenance..... we want a mega huge multi year stall !!!

 

- Women are more touchy/feely with me......(not a complaint)

 

- Being complimented is nice and it does help me realize how far I really have come..... But, I didn't do this for compliments so I do have a hard time accepting them. I think for years I just didn't want any physical attention on me for any reason.

 

- Does it seem like the most common thread for everyone that does well with this surgery is commitment more than anything else? And the most common thread for those that don't do well is lack of commitment?

 

- Things mean more to me now as I reengage back into life....... Food tastes better..... Relationships mean more.....Things are fun again.....I guess it's overall more appreciation for everything.

 

- I guess I would have to add "grateful" to the above..... Grateful for the life I've had and the life I will have. Grateful that I was just smart enough to discover this surgery and my surgeon.

 

- Clothes shopping is now fun......It used to be a dreaded chore. Oh, how I am so happy not to have to shop at the Big and Tall stores anymore!..... Those rip-off a-holes selling ugly clothes for a premium cause you got no choice!

 

- Why do I get so frustrated reading posts on the Main VSG board about people doing stupid **** Some people have NO idea what there getting into and have had zero to little education about the process. You at least gotta know the first 8 weeks. 

 

- My experience, just like many here has been very positive and in most cases "Life Changing" and I just wish the same for everyone who goes through the process.... But, You gotta try !!!

 

- Why do they call them Apartments......when there all stuck together?

 

** Notice how it's OK for a Fat person or formerly Fat person to use the word Fat.....but it's not acceptable for a normal weight person to use the word Fat. Kinda like the "N" word.... oh never mind.... you know where I was going with that.....

No.... I'm not really as messed up as it may seem..... I got a pretty good grasp on things..... just a few observations and thoughts.....

frisco
 

I know exactly how I let it get so out of control - because once it got to the overwhelming part, and I could not fight hunger anymore, I would slip into denial.  Yaay denial. 

For me the food portioning part was the easy part, and I could always lose weight before, but the keeping it off definitely was the danger zone.  For me, as long as I keep my head in the game and remember I am not the normie I may look like, and keep on daily doing my head work, and using the diet power program for my logging and calorie stuff, this helps maintenance to not be freaky for me.  Having the tools and, oh yea, USING THEM, daily, and not letting any indulgence situation or period of indulgence get me to the point of head in the sand again.

*Does it seem like the most common thread for everyone that does well with this surgery is commitment more than anything else? And the most common thread for those that don't do well is lack of commitment?*  This is something I was pondering this very morning.  The whole surgery relationship with my body is kind of like marriage. The whole weight loss part is an outside show of an inner commitment. Some folks plan for the wedding day for years and years, and toss the marriage because its not like the pretty brochure said it would be.  The marriage part being the maintenance part.  Its the ongoing day in, day out, sometimes drudgery of the thing, but as a partner, I can make it as pleasant or as hellish as I care for it to be. Relationships change and changing so that the whole is benefitted (maintenance, keeping myself healthy) instead of just doing what *I* want, whenever, without consideration for the "team."

*edit to add - although some folks *DO* seem to be able to manage with being casual about the whole thing and do not seem to have as much mental ****e.  Freaks.  :} I mean that in the nicest spankiest way.

Compliments are nice, but for the stuff that still trips me up in my head and in my heart, the compliments are spraying Bactine on a heart that needs a bypass. They are just not the source of healing. *to me*

I get frustrated too sometimes, sometimes less with the initial stupid stuff than the people who condone and encourage noncompliant life-threatening behavior.  Sweet, so you lived through eating wings during your clear stage, are you going to take care of that person and support their family when they are in the hospital for months because they did not fare as well? 

I do not think you are turrible messed up, fella. I think you just are a thinking Frisco. 

Maybe I just think that because I might be turrible messed up.  :} Some days are better than others.

Brandilynn......

I loved your whole post...... But you had one line in there that gave me a little shiver!

"The whole weight loss part is an outside show of an inner commitment"

Awesome line!

I might have borrow this one:

"Sweet, so you lived through eating wings during your clear stage, are you going to take care of that person and support their family when they are in the hospital for months because they did not fare as well?"

frisco

Well, random thoughts are a good thing. Any kind of thought is a good thing - there is not enough of it in the world. And thinking and introspecting about this whole weight loss/maintenance thing is a particularly good thing because it was mindless eating that got us all into trouble and directing thought and attention to the issue is a good way to keep the eye on the prize, no matter how disorganized the thoughts might seem - and they really are not.  I really think the fact that I had nearly 10 months to "think" about wls and what the impact on my life would be and what changes I would make and just generally getting used to all these ideas was an important factor in my sucessfully completing the weight loss phase. And probably will be for the rest of the journey of maintaining for life. You have said yourself that those who have not really accepted the realities and at three weeks are trying to get permission from the forum to eat bread and such are maybe not going to make it with that attitude. Attitude is everything and thinking, talking , sharing, etc are all part of success. You no doubt have a natural curiosity and a creative mind and thats a good thing to have to always be on the lookout for potential pitfalls and sucess tips is a definite plus. A friend once told me that if you want to succeed at something you go about it from every possible angle using every tool and bit of knowledge you can come up with. And since each of us has some unique triggers and baggage and health issues and such, that makes it even more necessary to keep thinking and thinking. So don't stop with the random thoughts and share them when you feel like it. It always helps someone and is always interesting.

And btw Frisco, is there a website or place we can look at some of your photography?  Would love to see some examples of your work besides the famous seatbelt photo (a wls classic) 
Diane   p.s. ain't it fun to be able to flip off the large size stores!

Frisco,

You are one of the least "messed up" people on this forum.  I think you have an exceptional grasp of this awe inspiring process we are all going through.

I agree with you that commitment is the number one principle in making this work.  Not everybody is there yet.  I too get impatient with some of the posts about what kind of fast food they can eat at three weeks and if Krispy Creme donuts are on the menu.  It shocks me how many people think that this surgery is just a stomach reduction and they can now go about eating anything they want and all will be sunshine and roses.  On the other hand, I do know a few successful long term VSGers who have been able to do just that.  I think they are the lucky few who have a strong metabolism and even though they do not limit themselves, they naturally choose healthier foods most of the time.  Unfortunately, most of us did not become MO eating healthy and if they continue to eat mostly carbs and junk food, well we all know the ending to that unhappy story.  I am often of two minds about responding to such posts.  I sometimes want to help the OP and others get a different perspective, but sometimes I just feel like I am nagging, and nagging is counterproductive.  So I often just skip the post. 

Clothes shopping is my new addiction.  I am amazed that everything fits and looks great on me.  Before, nothing fit and well, there wasn't much point in it any way as nothing really hid the truth of my obesity.  Sometimes I escape to the mall now like a teenage girl, marveling at my new body and playing dress up.  I remember as a teenager how I wanted to look all grown up, now I seem to want to look like a teenager.  Life is funny sometimes.

Underlying most of my posts and actions for the past year is an intense sense of gratitude.  I am grateful to be alive, healthy, thin and active.  I can't believe how much more freedom and power I have in my own life.  I feel such a sense of gratitude toward Dr. Cirangle.  In no uncertain terms he changed my life forever in some very fundamental ways.

Frisco,
It's so funny how many random thought we have in common on the board!Every time I go on the VSG board, and I read about someone out 3 or 4 weeks eating some things that they know they are not supposed to, then come online to get a pat on the back and absolution for their misdeed- well let's just say it doesn't make me happy.  These will probably be the same people who will not succeed with this surgery. 

I think that those of us who were able to reach goal or come close to it realize that this surgery is not a cure, and that we have to work with it.  sure in the beginning, it's so easy- the weight just melts off.  But the farther out you are, the more commitment it takes, which is life(like Brandilyn said).  If you can't make the commitment last 4 weeks, what are the chances of making it work 4 or 5 years down the line?

As to head issues, yes I'm plagued with them.  I still overestimate the space needed to get through.  I still think I'm "fat" compared to others, even though I know I weigh less and wear a smaller size.  I get offended when people talk about "fat" people in front of me, and although I am very meek, I have found myself coming out to their defense.  You'd be surprised what a total stranger will comment to you about a fat person, not realizing that I was one too, and will probably always "be" in my mind.

As to compliments, it is great, although as a woman you can start to feel uncomfortable in certain situations.  But my self esteem is through the roof, and I agree with you that shopping is no longer a drudgery!

 I for one know that it definatly takes commitment, i did get off the beaten path last christmas during my losing phase but got back on with commitment to get to goal and below.

I avoid some of the threads because i dont want to get into a "they think low carb is the only way" i dont think its the only way for everyone i think its turning out to be the "only" way for me... with the odd treat.

It does worry me  though when i see posts of someone only a week out eating real food when they are supposed to be on fluids... because its dangerous and they might get lucky not to start bleeding or a leak, but the next person that tries it because they saw that person do it might end up with a month or so in and  out of hospital.

I think though it has to be said that some peoples demons are deeper than others and they do struggle daily to keep on track.

I dont think we need to be perfect with our plans because perfect is too high of a standard to live up to.

Mini writes:

I dont think we need to be perfect with our plans because perfect is too high of a standard to live up to.

------------------------------------------------

I had to chuckle a little here because at a Dr.C support meeting he was telling us "Just do 85% of what I tell you to do and you will do well"

All the vets kind of perked up..... And Jimbo said........ "yah mean I can go down some more points"

frisco

I'm with you on all points Frisco.  I'm getting close to being at "goal" (whatever that may be).  But I'm scared of what this will bring for me.  I am committed to it, but I know how hard it's going to be.  And my past failures at keeping weight off were due to it being just too darned hard to do.   I paid for this surgery out-of-pocket.  That gives me a little incentive.  But the incentive is more about how I feel and look. 

That said, I didn't do this to look better.  If I was vane, I would never gotten to the point of severe morbid obesity.  I am healthier and I feel so wonderful!  I don't feel "normal" yet, but I know people think of me as being normal now.  I still think like a fat person.  I find myself even looking to avoid doing something physical because I "can't" do it. ...Well, truth is I CAN now.  But my head thinks I can't.  I have to remind myself that I can not only do it, but I'll feel good about doing it and whatever it is won't tire me like it did 129 pounds ago. 

People always tell me how wonderful I look.  I have had a few people ask me if I feel a lot better.  That's what it was all about.  Looking better is just a bonus.  And buying shoes and clothes that are stylish is fun! 

I know many, many people have the surgery because they want to look better.  They don't have health issues - yet.  I did it for health reasons and to improve my quality of life.  I have succeeded in both.  I couldn't be happier.  Now to keep myself committed to the task ahead.  All my great friends on OH will support me along the way.  But the work is all on me. 

I think that the difference between the successful people and the ones who never get to goal isn't just commitment but also being open to change. I see a lot of people who want everything to be the way it was before only they are thinner. I don't think it works like that.

I decided before surgery that I wanted what the people I saw online who were transformed by surgery had. So I decided to follow the program as much as possible and see where it led me. And I found out thar if you eat healthy stuff, you want to eat more of it and, if you avoid sweets, you don't want them as much. I also found out I had an inner athlete.

I would not have figured any of this out if I had just ate the way I used to only smaller portions and not had been willing to try new things (like triathlons!) or things that scared me.

Then again, I have to say I do eat pretty much everything I ate before. It's just that I hardly ever eat the crappy stuff and I eat a lot more stuff that never ate before that's good nutrition..

So I try not to get too worked up when people say they never deprive themselves and eat just what they used to only in smaller portions, because maybe it's not what it sounds like. I do believe you can be okay if you make good choices 80-9 % of the time and you do need balance. It's just that it sounds like they are making bad choices a lot more than 10-20% of the time and their balance consists of never denying themselves of any food ever, which isn't balance at all.

As far as complements go, I decided to try something new. I just smile and say Thank You whether I mean it or not. This has led to me being more gracious and even to starting to believe I deserve complements.