MainBoard Clusterfart

or, how not to ask for support. this thread is actually interesting for many reasons, mainly all the well thought out advice that was offered.

the OP was responding with an OA slogan but didn't explain that and really pissed people off. I got a strong urge to give her a sharp kick in the fleshy areas myself and I'm trying to be a kind, non violent person.

some of you may have seen it already but I post the link here in case anyone wants to talk about OA. it has helped many many people - so Bless Them!  but for me, I can't get past the "we admit we are powerless over food" - that, to me, is the opposite of what I want to realize. that I am not only powerFUL but that I am completely responsible for every bite I eat. I decide. 

any discussion?

www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4302471/WHY-EAT-AROUND-YOUR- SURGERY/

 I do go to OA and have off and on for years.  What is working for me lately (and we just had this discussion at a meeting recently) is that I am powerless over some foods -- my drug foods.  If I keep getting into the ring with carbs, I lose the fight most times.  My life works better if I get out of denial about this.  I have never binged on celery.  I stay sane if I stick with protein and veggies.  If I limit fruits to strawberries, apples and blueberries, I'm good.  But cherries to me in.  So do bananas.  So the powerlessness (which was clearly adopted from AA) means -- FOR ME -- that I don't do battle with my addiction.  

I strongly believe in "whatever works" so I'm glad OA is working for you.  while not admitting to powerlessness over anything, I do choose to keep certain trigger foods out of the house because it's just easier not to deal with them right now. the situation is kind of in flux as to what, exactly.

just for portion control it kind of makes sense to have certain things - pie, for example - as a treat you go out for rather than keep at home.  so I might go out for a cup of soup and some pie for lunch as a planned treat rather than keep a pie in the freezer and try to plan it that way.
 then either take half the piece of pie home or just plan a nap afterward!

sweets sure make me sleepy!
 

Yeah, I read that last week and my head wanted to go ka-boom!!!

My experience on OH has been that we are all coming from different mindsets. This particular person's (from my point of view) is that she's got a lot on her "mental" plate, dealing with different addictions while trying to pursue wls.

I used to live on the sleeve board while waiting for my surgery. I "knew" everything there was to know about the sleeve, but not until I actually got sleeved did I really know and could say, "oh, so this is what they meant". Knowing in our heads and actually experiencing it are 2 different things. I hope one day she "gets it" and gets her questions answered. However, she strikes me as someone who may not let up and giggle her way to other insanity. Time will tell.

As for the 12 step approach to wls. It's totally not for me. I feel that food is neutral, it cannot be bad or good. I've never had food jump into my mouth without my permission. I have the power over it, not the other way around.

I think not knowing what it's like is also true for being further out. like, in the first 6 months I really believed (even if I said I didn't) that I would never want sweets again. ha!  it felt like that, for sure.

the further out I get the more I feel like I didn't have surgery. but, not in a bad way. I am very happy with how things are going.

in general, I like to focus on eating all the healthy foods that I like so there isn't room (or time) for much unhealthy stuff.  I ate an apple the other say - an entire apple! - and it sure was satisfying. now, that's the way to live.

My my, I read some of that thread from the link. Couldn't get through it all any more than i could wade through a river of manure without backing out. What could have been an interesting discussion just turned into an erruption of some sort of neuroses. Would like to hear what Sublimate thinks of that discussion. What's sad it that important issues and individuals who could use some support are trivialized and angered and no one learns anything except maybe the identity of a few with jerky tendencies.  Don't know much about OA - never been - but I understand from some who have that it can be useful and I agree - whatever works. I guess I sort of follow some of the concepts as I don't think about never eating a cookie ever again but I just think well I won't eat this one now nor buy any on this grocery run. I agree with Petmom about not being inclined to admit I am powerless as I do believe I have the power to make my choices and shape my life. Having said that, I was unable to lose weight without having most of my stomach removed. So I think of it as an illness rather than a character flaw from which i suffered for most of my life and  for which i never had the right advice and treatment until now. Was I powerless? I dunno but I sure feel empowered now. Having said that I would go to an OA meeting if I felt it could be useful and tried to get my husband to go once. I think my surgeon would agree that we are responsible for what we eat though recognizing the substantial influence of genetic and environmental factors.

Untlmately, that particular thread degenerated into mudslinging and nonsence and was like a three stooges movie. funny, entertaining, but of minimal value.   And I ate one piece of chocolate yesterday, will have none today and probably none for weeks. So why did i eat it? It was offered, looked good, I am below goal, and i was confident I could eat a single piece and that would be it. so there.   nice topic  Petmom.  Hey tell us about all your pets sometime. Just brought home soupbones for my dear spoiled border terriers.    diane

there was a lot of mudslinging but - maybe because I used to be a regular on R&R - I am pretty good at finding the gold in the manure!

pretty much anything by Lady Lithia is worth reading, for example,  this was one of the last posts on page 12

say it is important to adhere to the rules as close to 100% in the first 6 months. After six months to nine months the nerves in your stomach will grow back, you'll experience full and hungry for the first time (you'll experience hunger before then, but it is often habit rather than hunger****il those nerves heal back, and mine STARTED to heal at six months but weren't consistent until nine months..... you NEED the rules, because the rules are what keeps you from hurting yourself. When your nerves are all grown back, nad you are able to make off-plan decisions, you have to do it MINDFULLY.. and make choices based on what you CAN handle and what you canNOT handle. Some people find that a certain food is a trigger for them. They avoid it because they know that it turns them back into what they were pre-op. Learnign what you personally can and cannot handle is a part of the process. So if you LIKE cookies, but don't eat like a pre-op on cookies as your triggering mechanism, why NOT have one now and again. There are twelve months in a year, and I've probably had 12 cookies in that same year. They WERE one of my triggers pre-op, I could eat eat eat when it came to cookies or cake. But I dump, and even when cookies want to set me off in the path of destruction, I dump, feel awful, and avoid for a few months. If I didn't like them, I wouldn't have them again, but they ARE yummy. It's about self-knowlege.... and when you get to maintenance like me, stepping on the scale OFTEN to make sure that if you regain, you stop it at 10 pounds and NOT 100 lbs! ~Lady Lithia~ 196 lbs lost!  H/S/G 350/293/154

she was given some dam good answers, i find it hard to believe that someone that was in AA would have the ordasity to treat others the way she did... i am not an alcoholic but i would never go into a AA meeting and accuse someone who slipped of making excuses or trying to justify bad choices. and to make rude comments on someones photo was appauling when i was pre op i would have given anything to look that good i sure as hell would not have made rude comments looking the way i did.. maybe she thinks she can "giggle" her way to goal mowing down anyone and everyone in her path.

when it comes to my trigger foods i think i am powerless i will eat them til they are gone or i will have someone else eat them so i dont have to.

so it is best for me not to have certain foods in my house, but food in general or even carbs in general do not have that affect on me.

 I have noticed though that my triggers are not the same as they were when i was a pre op, so things that i used to take or leave have since become a problem.

I still have the power though to detox and get back on track, i just hope that getting off track gets to the point that i feel its not worth it...

I can't get past the "higher power" part...

Anyway, I predict that the OP is going to have a hard time of it.