I call Bull****!!! I am full of the stuff! I'm pulling my head out of the sand!

Hi Diane,

Thank you so much for your thoughts....

You are right, I have won!  I am normal.  Why can't I be happy with 'that'... because I want it all... for the first time in my life I feel I have the control and help I need to do this.  AND I get there and realize, well crap, I still have those damn stubborn areas.  This is the first time I have been down at this weight for more than a few minutes... before I always thought  I had not stayed here long enough to know if the hips and tummy would eventually go...

I know  I need to get over it.  I just don't know how.  Sometimes I feel so good.  I can hardly believe how lucky I am to have succeeded and how good I look and feel... other times... well as you can tell, there are times that I am not happy yet...

The 5 lbs in not about health... it is all vanity... sad eh?  I am so slim, I have been a 'normal' BMI since I was 181 lbs... and even with my weight on I did not have many of the health issues... I am embarrased, but I think it is good for me to admit all this... I need to grow up!

My confidence has skyrocketed, I feel and look fantastic, and most times I am very very happy.  I am natually a happy go lucky person and my hubby, puppies and life on Caye Caulker are almost perfect...  I do appreciate how far I have come... but somehow the frustration creeps in sometimes, and gets ahold of me...

I know  I need therapy, but that is not an option right now... so between reading and you guys, this is what I've got, thank you!!

You know Diane, whether it was support and concern or a bit of a rant, does not matter to me.  I NEED to hear it all.  I need the support but I also need the kick in the butt.... so no worries, all is aprpeciated.

Big hugs,

Cindy

Hi Cindy.  I have one other thought.  Please don't think that plastics are the end all be all, because they are not.  I've had the lower body lift done and the breast lift as well and guess what, I'm still not perfect...not even close.  Plastics can make you better, but unless you've been gifted with a Victoria's Secret supermodel body, then it will only help to a degree.  Don't be fooled into thinking that your body image issues will change with surgery.  Hugs to you my friend.  I know how you feel.  The obsession never ends. 

Laura

Hi Laura,

I know what you mean regarding plastics, and let me tell you what could be done to me:
-  smaller nose
-  small face lift including under chin
-  upper arms
-  thighs
-  tummy
-  breast augmentation
-  butt augmentation

You never hear me talk about those things.  All I really really hate is my thighs and tummy.  I don't even mind the extra skin, it is the FAT I hate.  Round protruding tummy, thick bulging thighs.  I need to take those pics, so people can see what I mean.  OR, better yet I need to accept them and move on...

I don't think I have an obession to be perfect, in some ways that is even laughable considering the list above.  I don't NEED any of the above done.  I don't have the money nor the pain tolerance.  I just WANT my damn thighs and belly to go away with diet, and they are not.  I should have known they wouldn't since I have had them for as long as I can remember...

Thanks so much for chiming in... I stubornly say I am not on the quest for perfection...

Hugs,

Cindy

Well, if you really want to get rid of those thighs and tummy, you would do some heavy resistance training.  That really is the only way to "reshape" the body as it will help you to shed body fat.  Not weight per se but fat itself.  You may even see the scale rise, but actually be smaller.  That is what's happened to my body.  But it takes time and dedication.  Light weights won't do it so you must lift heavy or at least heavy for YOU.  For example, my daughter and I can share most of our clothes and she's 5'8 121 and I'm 5'7 136.   I attribute that to the fact that I bodybuild while she sits on her butt all day.  She has much more body fat that I do and you can see it in her belly and love handles.  It's all about muscle mass.  Give it a try, you may find a new "addiction"!!

Hugs baby,

Laura

Hi Laura,

Thanks so much for taking the time.  I love your idea of resistance training.  But I admit I don't know much about it.

There is no gym here.  Do you think a machine like this would give me what I need in a workout?  Please be honest, perhaps I am barking up the wrong tree :)

http://www.amazon.com/Body-Solid-EXM1500S-Single-Stack/dp/B0002EAB8A/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

I very much appreciate your thoughts.  I tone very quickly and get what I think is too much muscle.  Being so tall I don't want to look like a guys and bulk up.  However, I love a toned body, and secretly envy the photos of Brandi & Mandi...

Let me know what you think, I feel ready to move to the next step and forming a body I can be happy with.  Getting rid of some of this flab would be great, and I plan to get over this silly obession of trying not to look like a man :)

Hugs,

Cindy

Yes, that would probably work, but what I suggest is buying a couple of books related to women and weight training like The New Rules of Weightlifting for Women and reading up on it first.  There is also an excellent forum on the Bodybuilding.com website and you can learn a lot from there. They even have a forum specific to women's training and nutrition.  If I were you I would even get some dumbbells ranging from 8 to 20 pounds and start lunging and squatting to burn up those stubborn legs.  If you think you "bulked up" in the past then use 10 pounders and do walking lunges and squats.  And you can also use them to train your arms.  What you may think was bulked up was probably muscle with fat on top.  Then, yes you would appear bulkier, but you need to shed the fat off the muscle to appear leaner.  Does that make sense?  Remember, now you have the tummy tool to manipulate your diet easier and allow for the fat loss.  In the past you may have been overeating, thus causing the bulky appearance.  Go to the Bodybuilding.com website.  There are plenty of pictures and yes some of those girls are a bit too muscular for some people's taste, but it took them years and years of serious training to get there.  You can totally control that aspect.  I bet you anything the Victoria's Secret girls weight train and I know that Heidi Klum does.  I wouldn't call her "bulky". 

I've been training for 12 years and am not bulky at all.  So, If I can answer any more questions please ask!!

Laura

 Re the 5 extra pounds and the nonflat belly:  Is anyone going to love you less; will you make less money; will anyone respect you less; will you be more likely to get sick????????

In other words, take a look at why it is so important?  

Hi Luna,

No, there is not one person in my life that will love me less if my tummy isn't flat.  Well perhaps one key person and that is ME!!

No, I will not make less money if my tummy is not flat, it won't affect my income one bit...  good point...

Nope the respect I acheive has nothing to do with having a flat tummy...

I hope being on the leaner side will not make me more likely to get sick...  I figure as long as I am not underweight I am good to go...

Why is it so important?  If not for the above reasons... why?  Honey, I don't know why.  I don't know why and maybe figuring out the answer to that question would help me accept myself for how I am.  Love myself in spite of my flaws...  therapy, now that I know  I need.  Not going to happen down here... but I think I should open myself up to finding the answer to your question.  It is a good one, and if I focus on that, I may find my answer... thank you!

Hug,

Cindy

hey Cindy - you've gotten excellent posts so let me just add that you are not very far out.  it seems to me that people lose weight so fast they underestimate what a big mind-mess it is. all that change, all that body image stuff.

it's freaking HARD!  so, in general, give yourself a bit more time to get used to it! you don't have to decide one thing or another right this minute. lose 5 more pounds, don't, get lipo or don't - cut yourself some slack and try very very hard to enjoy what you have accomplished and where you are. might as well!

hugs
Jackie

Hi Jackie,

I am not very far out?  I am 1 year and 7 months out.  I intentionally lost slower than I was capable of, so that I would learn how to maintain and control myself as I went.  I could have lost my weight in record time, like all the other times, and chose this time to take it nice and slow.  "Cheating" as I went along, and trying not to 'diet', but to make changes with my eating that stay with me for life.  It went great, and my decision to do it this way, was a good one.  I still eat my healthy meals, drink all my water, take all my viatamins, go for a 4 mile walk every day...  all of that was started long ago and it continues today...  it is the amount of carbs and junk I eat that varies and that affects my weight...

I think my mind has caught up with my body.  I can see how nice and slim and trim I am.  I appreciate it and look at myself with and without clothes on in a full length mirror everyday.  I also weigh myself every day...  I know this has been a huge 'mind-mess' for me, but it does not have to do with how I look (except for the thighs and tummy), it has to do with how I feel and who I am.  I soooooooo realize I need therapy...

I love that you say I don't need to decide right this minute.  Let it ride, get used to the new me, see how I feel again in a little while.  Keep checking in with my feelings.  I had wanted a small breast implant at one point, I talked myself out of it.  That is one nice thing, this bit of extra weight has filled out my breasts nicely again...  they are almost as nice as they were before losing... funny how that goes.  But if I lose the 5-10 lbs to get rid of the thighs and tummy (which will never happen...) then I will lose my breasts again... unfair... oh well such is life...

I do enjoy what I have accomplished every single day.  What a trip, I can't believe I actuallly did this and that I am keeping the weight off.  I am so thankful and pleased...  The thighs and tummy are just a fleeting thought that won't ever go completely away...

Hugs,

Cindy