I call Bull****!!! I am full of the stuff! I'm pulling my head out of the sand!

BREATHE!!!!!!!!   
 Hey babe! My .2 is about like everyone else. Perfection is ALWAYS, on some level, out of reach. You get there and it has moved! I can't go the "plastics" route and sooooo wish for it in many areas (boobs, butt, upper arms, inner thigh, belly.........). Then again, as I understand it, MANY people (not all), after the first time, start seeing other little things that could be "fixed" and it becomes never ending! We all don't fit into the same mold, TWILIGHT ZONE, so even when you follow the EXACT same exercise, or make-up, clothes or eating, or whatever, chances are you will not come out like the perfect picture in your mind or like someone else you see.
I just turned 57, wishing the face was "tighter" along with all the other things. I wish I could wear short shorts and not feel OMG about my legs. But on the whole, with this journey we are on, that is not so big a thing. Get to where YOU feel good, 5 lbs less, OK, TRY not to stress about it. Remember it was not all that long ago the 5 lbs was alot more !!!! Feel good, be good to yourself, give yourself a break. Sure we all many stress out some wanting to stay here (weight wise), and that could help keep us here.
Body image is a real head trip. Where I was, was not what I saw and where I am is not what I see, yet. I cannot BELIEVE I was SOOO big!! I did not feel as big as I was, I felt too big but not as big as I really was. Looking at the pictures is surreal. I feel bigger than I am now but am trying not to think that I still have MANY lbs to loose. I met goal, I am below goal. I hope never to go back to where I was before the VSG. I will NEVER look like I did when I was this weight in high school, I am not 17 anymore and things are not gonna go back to those places, no matter how much I exercise. On the whole, though, I do look pretty darn good and more importantly, I feel good. Yeah, why can't we just be happy? Our minds will always strive to improve the way we are, but take time tohave a good look at where we have been. Exercise is something that does make you feel better, even though I HATE IT!!!
 Do what feels good, BREATHE!!!

Breathing ahhhhhhhhh..... thanks honey!  Must be some PMS coming on :)  I was fairly passionate wasn't I :)

I keep hearing that PS can be just the beginning of a long, costly and painful spiral, and I definatley don't want that... but I can see how it might happen.  I have lots of things about my body that I don't 'love', but I don't need or want them fixed.  Since puberty I have hated my heavier thighs and non-flat tummy...  it is nothing new...

It's funny sometimes I feel ok, sometimes I want to lose more, for what I feel are the right reasons, sometimes I know they are for the wrong reasons...  I just don't know, and as someone below said, I don't need to decide right now, that is the beauty of this journey...

Ya I wish I could just be happy, sometimes I am, I really am, I am so proud of myself, and feel such a releif, but other times.... well as you can see, not so much :)

Big hugs to you my friend, I look fantastic, I looked better 5 lbs lower, I need to tighten up, I need to either accept the thighs and tummy or get a bit of lypo, it is that simple... I should not be stressing...  I will try not to stress...  i will apprecaite how far I have come, and how much better I look...

Big hugs, nice to see you honey!

Cindy,

Thank you for putting your heart and soul out here for us to read and contemplate.  I honestly think I could have written this.  There are days when I hit rock bottom too.  (And now that I find that I can eat more than I could even a few months ago - I hit panic mode while hitting rock bottom.  No fun at all!)

I don't have any advice other than push through.  Try to focus on the good stuff - think of where you came from.  Think of the progress you've made and decide where you want to be.  If it's 5 pounds lower - go for it.  You have the tool and you know how to do it.  If it's right where you are - then be where you are.  Don't do it for others - do it for yourself. 

Hugs to you!
Mini

Hi Mini,

Well thank you for being part of a forum where I can lay my heart and soul on the line... what a treat it is to have a safe place to do it!

It is amazing to me how many of us, not all, but some can relate... it does help...

I should print off you second paragraph, it pretty much says it all... thank you!

Big hugs right back at ya!

Cindy

JULIE!!! Is there any way to put your post back??

It was no problem at all, you were relating with me.  I did not see it as a hijack at all!

I love that you felt comfortable to express just how you were feeling.  We are all here to discuss, assist and be there for each other...

Anyone, anytime can chime right in.

I am sorry you removed your post, I am so glad I got to read it before you did. But I had to meet with a client and I am just getting some responses in now.

If you can put it back, please do honey,

Big hugs,

Cindy

I think you should go back down the 5lbs, unfortunatly it means dieting for you and you hate it, but it is only 5lbs, i also think take it 5lbs at a time once there then see how you feel before going lower

what your seeing is only in your eyes as the pics you posted in your underwear there was no areas that looked bad at all.  if you dont really see you as we do will you be really happy with lipo?

I do think you have to really be honest with your self on where is it you want to be and will you really be happy if you get there.

you really wanted was to be normal, and although for most of us normal is something we will never be,  its totally normal for non wls people to gain 5lbs or so over christmas with all the treats they eat then they go on a diet to get it off... so welcome to the land of normal. the grass is always greener til we ge there lol...

I know for me it seems this always seems to be an off again on again diet and sometimes i get sick of the on again diet..
but what is different since vsg is before we would throw our arms in the air and say to hell with it i gained so i might as well keep eating.. but since surgery there is now a nagging at us to get back on track.
as for exercise i get good then go bad im not consistant so i cant really give you advice on it...

I am sure you will figure it out in the end, Im just not sure most people see them selves as others do..

Big Hugs!  Hi Linda!

Thanks so much for your response, you know me very well, we have been hanging out here for some time...

I agree I need to 'diet' or at least really behave to get my 5 lbs off.  I feel so much chubbier up here.  Especially in my tummy...  The only good thing is, my boobs have filled back out again, so that is nice...

I know what you mean about the 'dieting' before and after surgery.  When I throw my arms in the air now, not much happens, it is not the end of my slimness and the beginning of my fatness again... it just is what it is, and all that means is getting off 5 lbs.  It is really amazing to me.  After all I have eaten in the last month and all I have to worry about is 5 lbs... wow, the Sleeve is so fair and good to us...

About the exercise, that is one thing I have been really pretty good at and that is my long long walks, they allow me so many more indiscretions.  AND with this 5 lbs, I just need to behave for a week or two and it would be all gone, then I could eat like I am now and probably be ok... it is a fine line... and a fair one, I sure have nothing to complain about... but that obviously does not stop me...

I know I look great, I just hate that I can't force my body to do what I want it to do.  I hate that I can't get those stubborn areas to bend to my will, no matter what I do...  but I still try... and I let it frustrate me...  I really need to grow up and find a way to accept it and get over it...

Thanks for listening honey and throwing in your 2 cents worth...

Cindy

Read this:

http://fattyfightsback.blogspot.com/2011/01/happy-weight-vs-ideal-weight.html

It's my thoughts on the very same issue. Do I except my current weight or work like crazy to go down 5 pounds? Am I settling or being realistic? I haven't got any answers but it might help to read my thoughts.

As for your belly and thighs, it's quite possible that what bugs you is loose skin or mostly loose skin and no amount of exercise will help it. Also, you can't spot reduce. Fat comes off where your body decides to take it.

In my case, I am getting back into my regular routine and picking up some exercises I dropped trying to heal my calf. So, did my tummy and boobs -- the place I put the extra weight go down? of course not. But my arms and legs are getting even smaller and I've got chicken wing chest again. Is it fair? No, but it is what it is.

I exercise for general health and to meet fitness goals, not to make certain body parts smaller.

I also recommend the book The Rules of Normal Eating by Dr. Karen Koenig. It will help you separate out your irrational beliefs about food and weight from your rational ones.

Hi Mac,

Wow I just read your blog, and YOU can relate... almost perfectly to what I am talking about, excpet with my trouble spots, you don't talk about specific areas like I do.

I know what you are saying about the extra skin... but I have very little extra, thank goodness.  AND I have hated my thighs and tummy even when i was slim as an adolecant.  I have had both of them since puberty.  My sister was recently here and she did not mean to offend me (or did she????), but she said straight out "I guess even a this low weight you will always have those thighs...".  I agreed with her, but it hurt like hell, and made me realize it is not just me that sees them.

My hubby has made a few innocent comments also...  I am very sensative to them.  They make me where sizes that I would not need if they wearn't there, almost everthing is too big in the waist.  My waist is 10 inches smaller than my damn thighs!!!!!!  Sorry, I am getting upset again.  I really do loath them, and right now I feel like crying again.  For some reason they don't show much in my pics.  I purposely always pic the angles and shots that don't show them... I need to take a couple and REALLY show them so people can understand.  But I hate for people to see my imperfections.  Silly silly woman...  GROW UP!!  No one gives a **** really...

It makes me sad that I do EVERYTHING for the 'look' and then sometime later for the 'health'.  I hate to even admit it, but it is what it is.  Why am I so shallow and obessed?  I feel a need to tell you.  Because I know you are the exact opposite... and you will judge me.  Why do I have this need for someone to slam dunk me right now?  Why am I putting myself down and wanting you to do the same... ? I need therapy.

I will look into the book you suggested, thank you.  AND Mac, thanks so much for your time.  You are definatley one of my heros...

Big hugs,

Cindy

Hey Cindy
There are so many things i want to say in response to your post. There is one thing you must remember. You have gone from being an obese person to a person of normal weight. If I read your numbers right, your bmi must be about 21. THAT IS A TOTALLY NORMAL AND DESIRABLE WEIGHT.  You have cast off the burden of obesity. YOu have won. Its important that you appreciate and celebrate within yourself what you have done. It makes me sad to see you being so hard on yourself for those five pounds and disliking your thighs and tummy. We all have things about our bodies we don't like. I wish I were taller and didn't have size 9 feet, not to mention the saggy skin that this weight loss has left me with. But I am an acceptable height and thankfully my feet work ok and don't hurt now that I am not so fat and the saggy skin doesn't show too bad in nice clothes. What I am trying to say is that I hope you can cast off the burden of worrying about your thighs or belly seeming too big and stop  beating yourself up over it. Throw out those self deprecating thoughts. You have lost a great deal of weight and improved your health and I bet you look like a million bucks. You have won. Don't let that poor body image make you suffer as its so unnecessary. If you really feel like you will be better off without that 5 pounds, then work on it but please do it for your overall health and well being and not because you fear you fail to meet some ideal body image. Nobody really has that body and its not important. Whats important is to live life as the slim person  you are now and enjoy it to the fullest. We can all find plenty of physical flaws in ourselves and yet think of your best friends - do you think less of them if one has big thighs or flabby arms? Of course not because you recognize what is really valuable in people and you need to do that in yourself.  Please forgive me if this is a lecture. I just remember so much spending so many years mentally beating myself up for hating my body and finally realizing how pointless it is now that I have gotten to a normal weight. I remember a book from years ago called "Body Love" by I don't know who which was pretty good and dealt with accepting your body and the joy in movement and the physical self. I am sure there is more stuff like that out there. And if you get to feeling too bad, by all means see a counselor who might have some insights. Sometimes its easier and more productive to change ones thinking than to try to change one's thighs which are to a great extent genetically determined. I hope you will feel better about all this soon and that your post gets these worries out of your system. we all need to do it from time to time so feel free to keep venting if you need to.

Anyway, hope you take this message as it is intended as an expression of support and concern and not  a rant. All the best and write in again soon. Diane