16 mos out: Assertive much?

(deactivated member)
on 1/8/11 9:34 pm

Huge observation that has been coming over me with time...and growing...and growing...

I am now so much more assertive! Don't get me wrong, I am still "nice" too. But, wow, without the "fat" around me to shield/shift my interactions with others, I have noticed that my reactions to people/places/situations have taken on a totally new character.

I'm not saying this is always good, by the way...the other day, I actually caught myself in a disagreement with a stranger about not using his manners in the drive through lane. (I had been waiting patiently and he knowingly, clearly cut in front of me). I NEVER would have stood up for myself (I know, petty example, but a real one, nonetheless) before.

Now that I have one zillion times more confidence and realize that no one is either looking at me because I'm fat, or *not* looking at me because I'm fat - that I am just a normal sized gal - I am finding my personality and assertiveness (defined by me, as "having a voice" in all situations) as going through the roof.

What a trip! I guess my head really is finally catching up to reality. The size 2 Tahari suit I bought yesterday doesn't hurt the confidence, either....

Anyone else experience similar observation and/or take this long to catch up?

LouLou7
on 1/8/11 11:50 pm

I've noticed that I'm much less tolerant of stupid behaviors, but I chalked it up to age and less concern about what people *think* of me. I'm less patient, and much quicker to speak my mind.

I don't see that as a bad thing, as long as I speak respectfully and truthfully.

Never thought of it as being weight related - I just thought that I was gaining maturity or something.

Mini.me
on 1/9/11 2:02 am

VSG on 01/27/10

I haven't noticed it as much with myself, but my mother-in-law commented the other day that I hold myself with more confidence. (I'm normally the shy one who waits bac****il someone talks to me.) She said that she noticed that I'm speaking up first, putting my hand out first and smiling more. I like that!

Revision from Sleeve to DS (with re-Sleeve) on 10/10/17. Slow and steady ...

diane S.
on 1/9/11 2:12 am

VSG on 11/17/09

This seems to be true - it is for me. We are all coming out of our "fat shells" and its a good thing. I know I am just more talkative - willing to draw attention to myself. Was a really shy wallflower kid and being fat was a big part of that. Always wondered how I would be different had I not grown up overweight. But I learned some good lessons from it and am focused on enjoying every skinny moment now and plannng an active future. So I think you are right - we are more assertive or more outgoing or less inclined to want to disappear. Hopefully we can use these improved feelings of self worth to help keep us on track with our lifelong maintenance. Thanks for posting these thoughts. And being assertive of course does not mean being an a$$ hole. We all know the difference. Confidence and compassion go together. Diane

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frisco
on 1/9/11 3:51 am

VSG on 09/30/09

There is a "freedom" when you take the "fat suit" off.......

frisco

SW 338lbs. GW 175lbs. Goal in 11 months. CW 148lbs. WL 190lbs.

      " To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art "

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Dr. Paul Cirangle

sublimate
on 1/9/11 7:57 am - San Jose, CA

VSG on 07/27/10

I've always been an assertive person at all my sizes, so I haven't noticed this one. I have noticed that my joie de vivre is back in FULL swing and that I just want to go out and do so many things! I'm joining a newer fancier gym, back into rollerblading, trying to find a zumba class, taking my son out more often, etc.

Start weight: 388, Current Weight: 185, Goal Weight: 180, Weight Lost: 203 lbs
Certified Nutritionist ♥ VSG FAQ♥ sublimate: To elevate or uplift.
3/2012 Plastics: LBL, 3 Hernias Fixed, BL/BA, Rhinoplasty & Septum Fix. 6/2013 Plastics: Arm and thigh lift

jimbovsg
on 1/9/11 1:28 pm

VSG on 09/01/09

great to hear you are finding your "voice" I never lost mine!! My problem is, (and always has been) not always turning my brain-to-mouth filter on. I kinda tell it like it is.....not always "sparing " peoples' feelings. I turn the filter on high when dealing with little kids and old folks.....the rest usually get it unfiltered. Today for instance.....a woman hit me up for money at the mall. Not too unusual right? But she was driving by in a 2008 or 2009 Tahoe XL like a 40,000.00 truck? Really? your begging for money to feed your kids.....in that truck? So I told her you might have better luck if you were not in a nice new truck......she sped off and asked some other lady . Some people just need to be "called out" on their **** ya know?
BTW.... what the heck is a Tahari suit? Is it like a Safari suit?

JIMBO...  350lbs! lost!..... TRIPLE CENTURY CLUB!!  HELL ...YEAH!
MY  VSG......KICKS ASS!

I am   6' 2"

frisco
on 1/9/11 3:44 pm

VSG on 09/30/09

It's a designer fashion line....... Come on Jimbo....get with it !!!!

I know..... me and my credit card company have bought that stuff before....

I'm like who is this Tahari person.... and why is it so pricey ???

frisco

SW 338lbs. GW 175lbs. Goal in 11 months. CW 148lbs. WL 190lbs.

      " To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art "

   VSG Maintenance Group Forum
   http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/VSGM/discussion/

CAFE FRISCO at LapSF.com

Dr. Paul Cirangle

jimbovsg
on 1/10/11 4:58 am

VSG on 09/01/09

On January 9, 2011 at 11:44 PM Pacific Time, frisco wrote:

It's a designer fashion line....... Come on Jimbo....get with it !!!!

I know..... me and my credit card company have bought that stuff before....

I'm like who is this Tahari person.... and why is it so pricey ???

frisco

Well I'm not from the "big city" ya know? What do I know about fashion? I would expect a sophisticated world traveler (such as yourself) to know these things......but not me! I'm more the type to think a bidet is a fancy drinkin' fountain!

JIMBO...  350lbs! lost!..... TRIPLE CENTURY CLUB!!  HELL ...YEAH!
MY  VSG......KICKS ASS!

I am   6' 2"

Jackie
Multiplepetmom
on 1/9/11 10:04 pm

VSG on 08/05/08

yes, I have noticed it. I think I am more assertive and I am also less likely to put up with crap just in general. I increasingly have the feeling that life is too damn short!

once upon a time I had a group to talk about Binge Eating Disorder, and later one about Clean Eating.

PM me if you are interested in either of these.

size 8, life is great

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16 mos out: Assertive much?

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16 mos out: Assertive much?

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