I have Binge Eating Disorder

Oh, I'm SOOOO glad to read all your posts!  And thanks so much, Multiple, for getting this out in the open.

I remember my first binge -- in college I ate an entire large bag of M&Ms that I had left over after a party.  It didn't make me sick, and I didn't wake up the next day weighing 300 pounds.  Cool, I though.  I didn't really become a binge eater, though, until after my first serious diet about five years later.  It was like the restricting I had done to get my (at that time) 45 excess pounds off was more than my body chemistry could handle, and the minute I lost all the weight, the bingeing started.  That was in about 1979, and it has been a struggle ever since.  *sigh*
--Dorothy

according to Geneen Roth we learn to binge as a result of restricting ourselves.  that dieting (especially crash dieting and fasting) leads to binge eating.

I would like to think we eventually can learn to be at peace with our bodies, our eating habits, and food. 

I think we can!

I was talking about Geneen Roth just this evening with a friend.  I think it was around 1989 when Geneen wrote in a book to fill a pillowcase with M&M's and eat at will to overcome the desire to eat compulsively.  I knew that when the pillowcase was empty, I would look for a way to fill it again.  I think that we're all different.  When I met Geneen, I told her that the method in her book just wasn' right for me and headed for an OA meeting instead.

I think that mindfulness is a great avenue to finding peace, but in this busy world, it's a full time commitment.  I have to remind myself to meditate and be quiet.

I think for some people restriction just makes them obsess about what they are restricting.  For me abstinence from binge foods is the only way to go.

I really get what you're saying.  I was abstinent from sugar and ate only vegan from 1989 to 1997.  I think that was the easiest I've ever had the food.  Of course I was the only fat vegan around, but I wasn't spending my days figuring out how to get food, eat food, hide food etc.   I agree about abstaining from binge foods.  Congratulations on your wonderful accomplishments of the last year!

I've always thought of myself as addicted to food, although I guess you can consider it binge eating.  I had times when I ate until I was stuffed and if I saw something that looked tasty I would turn around and eat that too.  I have also eaten anything that I could find in the house, just to stuff myself.  Even now, I struggle with this issue(that's why I can't keep certain foods in the house), but because of my restriction, it's more like a day-long grazing.  It happens to me when I'm bored or lonely, and stuck at home.  Sitting in front of the TV is like a cue to get up and eat something, and I have to tell myself over and over that I'm not hungry.  I could eat every hour on the hour if i allow myself.  Sometimes I win, others I lose. I worry that this will be my life and that I will regain my weight.  I guess I could use therapy, but I'm into self help books for now and I make it a point to hit the gym so I have less time home alone.

I am a big fan of whatever works.

I eat frequently myself but even as a pre-op when I was eating healthy and not gaining I did best with eating small amounts frequently. so I try to differentiate between healthy snacking and grazing without paying attention.

I think the issue of emotional eating (or eating out of boredom) is not exactly the same as binge eating although there is obviously large overlap. I certainly do both.

I think it helps to pull the issue into smaller pieces and see what works for each piece: then put together an overall plan of dealing with everything.

 at least that's what I think I'm doing!

I am so intrigued by this post; it's really got me to thinking today.  One thing that comes to mind is my relationship with pasta.  I've said since surgery (and when I could actually eat pasta again) that I just don't do it much at all anymore because I don't enjoy it like I used to.  But, I've figured out that the reason I don't enjoy it as much is because I can't eat a giant bowl of it.  It's like the overeating part of it was the actual enjoyment versus the taste.  Crazy! 

I think I could say the same thing about several foods.  I thought for certain pizza would be so darn hard for me as that has always been my "carry with me to the electric chair, last food on earth" favorite.  Oddly enough, I can eat a slice (without the "bones" on the end) or two very small ones (always thin as that's how I roll) and I'm satisfied. 

I think my relationship with food has been far more complex than my marriage or any other people relationship--maybe because it's so internal. 

I know I felt that euphoric feeling a couple of times when we were going full throttle on this trip, and I know that I shouldn't have that sort of feeling outside of hanky panky with the hubby.  Sad, but I know that my endorphins have lit up like a Christmas tree on countless binging moments in the preop days. 

I just love this message board! 

I have always loved the taste of pasta - hot with just olive oil, sauted garlic, salt & pepper so in theory I could enjoy a small amount.

the euphoric feeling you described I think I have had at the grocery store putting "goodies" in my cart and then bringing them home. sort of a feeling of being bad and knowing I had all this stuff - if it was ice cream, donuts, pringles, chocolate covered pretzels - and I could have all of it. then opening it and starting to eat it was pretty good, too.

but then the stuffing and the being too full and the food doesn't even taste good. that is especially true now. I still like the first bite but it is quickly too sweet, too heavy, too greasy, etc.

the actually feeling of being stuffed - I don't exactly like it but it feels right somehow.  well, it feels usual I guess.

What an interesting thread!  I have to say that in my case, since I've never worked for the past 24 years, I have struggled with eating out of boredom or loneliness.  And I'm usually alone from 8 till 5 when hubby gets home from work.  So I started exercising in 1989 and kinda did it off and on till '95.  That's when I got more serious about it and stopped taking breaks from it.  I've been exercising daily (week days only) now ever since.  It forces me to stay busy.  Go**** makes a huge difference NOT being home.  I seem better able to handle my food feelings and am able to plan my meals.  The only time I let myself eat with abandon is at family get togethers like Thanksgiving, Christmas or B-day parties and such.  I don't crave food like I used to for some reason and am very thankful for that.  I don't seem to have triggers at this time...but hell, I know anything can change so I try to stay vigilant and keep on pumping iron in the gym.  Right now I think I'm scared enough of regain to stay the path...time will tell.

Laura