Even though I look normal, I am not

I know many of you will understand this.  Yesterday was my husbands birthday, and I am around that time of the month, and it's the holidays.  Sooo..... yesterday I ate like a small piggy.  I mean I could not stop eating all the wrong stuff all day long.  I will not bore you with all the gory details but let me just say that sweets, deep fried foods and alcohol were all involved.  By the evening I felt like my old self, I was disgusted with my lack of control and I even said the same old things to my self, like, " well you ate all these bad foods all day, you might as well have this sager cookie", you guys know the sabotaging self talk involved.  This morning I got out of bed with a feeling of dread.  I did not want to get on the scale.  I was terrified that it would read that I gained all my weight back.  :)   I know how silly that sounds, but that was my feeling.  I still forced myself to put one foot in front of the other and march up to that scale.  I must have stood there for five minutes trying to gather my courage to face my long time enemy.  I bet you can all guess the results, yeah I went up .4 lbs. big deal.  I am back to eating more or less normally today.  Why oh why can't I get my head to realize that this time will be different.  I so want to just relax about my food, but it is always there hiding in the background. 

I can relate to what you are saying for sure. I consider myself a food addict and I maintain abstinence from carby foods as they are like my heroin. January 4th will be 1 year complete abstinence for me although I had 3 years 100% abstinence in the past.

I personally made the choice that for me there was no food that was worth me losing my peace and feeling of well being.  There are just certain foods that once I start eating them I start getting that negative self-talk and the food addict in me starts rearing its ugly head.

A few minutes of any food are not worth the feeling of dread the next day on the scale or the emotions that swirl up and make me feel like a failure, junkie, etc. for me.  I'm not saying that this is true for you, but have you considered that it might be better for you to just never go there with certain foods?

I tend to be on the same page with Brandilynn on this subject.. I just don't go there with certain foods.  Even if you can't gain that much with the VSG or do that much damage, it sounds like when you indulge you get a loss of control feeling that causes you a lot of anxiety. 

It is true that at some point you may start gaining some weight back, although maybe not.  But do you really want to test that theory? I find that I prefer to just be at peace with my food choices and never go through this drama.. I have enough trouble with keeping my frequency under control.  I choose peace over cheesecake because peace is more valuable for me and I can't have both.

Again I'm not saying this is the case for you or that any of this applies to you.. I offer this just as food for thought.

I know you are right and so is Brandilynn.  I seem to be able to stay away from the trigger foods without a problem for 3.5 weeks out of a month, it's that other .5 week that just kicks my butt.  Hormones are the devil.

Totally understand.

I compare it this period of thiness in my life long struggle with weight to something like a 'dream.'

Its like its too good to be true and I think I'm going to wake up and *poof* its going to be over. One mistake...slippery slope and all of that.

I do think there are trigger foods. I also think that this tool allows us to be a little wiggly with our choices - at times -- because we have the restriction. Thank god for the restriction!

Don't worry one minute. You are doing great! Its about the series of bad choices we make that led to our ultimate weight gains....I think if we make a series of good choice with some bad sprinkled into the mix, its OK. I am no saint and would not succeed if I had to be!

In fact, I'm going to pull a slice of pizza out of the oven in a few minutes. But, its one slice. Before surgery --- no kidding, it would have been 4 or 5.

xoxoxo

I hear you, before surgery it would have been the whole pizza.

Oh yes.. the hormones are the devil! Brandilynn and I also recommend evening primrose oil to help with that, and upping your supplements the week before particularly magnesium and b vitamins to help you with the cravings. 

I can also give you some recipes for sugar-free low carb desserts and tons of low carb items that might help you deal with those cravings without getting into the TRUE heroin stuff.  I call those "methadone" foods.. they help you wean off of the real crack-food items.

I have a fantastic recipe for a low carb cheesecake that I can send you, and even all the non-low carb people I know love it.  It's very rich and filling.  Just about any crack food you like, I can tell you how to make a low carb version of it.  Just tell me what your poison is. :)

You know you are a genius.  After reading your post I realized a few things, like I don't really keep track of when my time of the month is due.  I need to start charting this closely and add in the extra supplements you recommended.   Also please do add some sugar-free low carb dessert recipes as I really am a really good cook, but a lousy dessert maker.  I mean for a former fatty, I am totally dessert clueless.  :)  The cheesecake recipe sounds amazing and please send it.  Also if you can think of any non-dairy dessert besides fruit, I would appreciate it.  We have a vegan couple coming over for dinner, and I am scratching my head for what to make for dessert.  I am so blessed to have you and this board there.  You are amazing.

Well forgive yourself for one day's slippage as you know what to do to rebound and already have. But the bigger issue you raise is whether there will ever come a time when we don't have this difficult relationship with food and always are judging ourselves or measuring our progress or planning for eating or not eating or what to get or nor have around and on and on. It does become sort of a tyranny sometimes. I may seen an ungrateful whiner for even mentioning it, since I have been totally blessed throughout this vsg surgery and weightloss experience and it has turned out better than i ever dreamed, but wouldn't it be nice to be sort of like a normal person and eat when hungry, not eat due to stress or emotional reasons, and not be thinking and planning food or supplements or whatever all the time. It may be that its the nature of the human condition to always be on the look out for something to eat and its only in the past 100 years that these instincts have gotten some of us into trouble. It would be nice to put it into perspective with just the right amount of thought and energy devoted to it and then get on with other stuff.   Elina, don't underestimate the holiday element in with all the other things you mentioned. Why so many of us respond to stress by eating is a mystery but there it is. Happily, not every day is some sort of emergency or problem one and at least we all have our secret weapon to slow us down.

Elina you say you are not normal but if thats so there is a lot of abnormal going around. Maybe we all just need to keep the concept of normal eating in mind and maybe it will eventually become a habit and a part of our being.

And all the best to everyone in this season dedicated to overeating. So glad i have this sleeve. Diane

You are right, the behavior I described is normal in the sense that there are probably thousands of others feeling just about the same around the holidays.  I really miss the first year after the surgery, it really did feel like a honeymoon.  I had no hunger at all and no cravings even at that time of the month.  I felt so free.  I wish that could go on forever.  On a positive note, I went out and bought myself a new year's dress today.  I probably should show some modesty, but I have worked too hard and am too vain, so let me just tell you I look really, really hot in it.  :)    I walked out to show my husband, and the other guys in the store all came over to congratulate him.   I couldn't stop laughing.  If they only saw me 18 months ego. 

well i totally relate to you and im not even sure why i had a day of wanting to eat all day even if i did eat protein so i guess it is just one of those things we have to deal with on occassion.

I have found that if something is a trigger food for me it does not matter if its low carb, or no sugar added, or sugar free ill still eat it like there is going to be no tomorrow... for me though im finding things that were not triggers before now are its kind of weird i used to be a savoury type of person not so much a sweet eater... now the sweets are my prob...

But the good thing is that the holidays will soon be over and temptation will be all gone and it will be easy to eat on track again... roll on the 1st of jan lol...