Blahhhh why can't I settle on a final goal weight??? Not happy...

So my original goal was 165. Then I decided to go for 150. Then my doctor said 160 would be good. So I settled on that and look pretty good even though I'm not there yet.

BUT - I still definitely have fat that I could stand to lose. I think deep down I'm wanting to get to 140  but maybe 145-150 would do since I have extra skin to account for.

But even then I'm not sure. I was looking around on a fitness forum at some women who are 5'7" and 140 lbs and they are mega-lean. I'm taller and not sure I can get that lean, I just don't know. Of course, they lift heavy weights, but so do I. My body fat was just measured at 29% so I definitely have fat to lose. Plus it doesn't help that the trainer who measured my body fat (the handheld electronic device) told me that I will never see my muscle under all of my fat and that I need to focus on burning all of my fat. Yes, he told me I'm fat. :( I'm trying to bru**** off as him just being a dip**** since he didn't seem to know jack **** about bodybuilding anyway.

What I DO know is that when I look at myself in the mirror and at my pics, all I see is FAT FAT FAT in my waist, torso/chest (stupid huge boobs!!!), and thighs especially. Funny thing is that I have a belly pooch but it doesn't really bother me as much. Maybe because I attribute it mostly to having babies and I'm so proud of my kiddos that my belly doesn't concern me as much. Or maybe because i know it will NEVER be flat without plastics, but I CAN shrink my thighs with diet and exercise.

I mean, gosh, how did you ever know you "arrived?" I'm wondering if I will ever be satisfied.

side note: I actually gained 5 lbs this week (yes FIVE!) due to eating carbs which I usually keep very low. I'm attributing it to carb bloat and trying not to freak about it. Hopefully it will fall off now that I'm back on track.

I would suggest you go and see actually what weight is meant TO not go anywhere.. and then do something from there.  (ask for it for christmas, its 40 bucks, take 10 bucks out of each pay period or something. Knowing what your base is will keep you from a bit of insanity)

I just got to a size I liked.  The final weight part came after me deciding I looked good and felt good in this size. 

If you continue to put on weight via muscle you are seriously jacking with yourself to think you are going to stay a "weight" AND put on muscle babygirl. 

Maybe stabilize and hit weights hard like you are, just eat a bit under maintenance and watch your body lean out, is all I can suggest to you.

I only worry that you are going to **** yourself up with mind games about a weight that if you have enough muscle to fill up some of your extrie covering you might end up more miserable than you ever were heavy, because you are feeding some random number monster, girlie.

And I just have to add this, because its true - You get to CHOOSE to be satisfied girlie.  It is not bestowed upon you.  If you LOOK for things to pick at you will find them!  the thing you focus on is going to be the biggest thing in your view.

You are not even stabilized weight wise, your body has not even been given a chance to redistribute some stuff babygirl.  I know we all want all the things NOW, but that just is not reality with a growing, changing being (children or skin!!).

Please find out what your base is and please go from there, but do not compare yourself to those chicks, they do not carry extra anything like we do, they just do not.  They are great to look at and semistrive for..but the reality for the skin you have is, you *might* want to work on filling skin up, being in a size that is comfortable for you. 

Unless you win the lotto.  :}

A peaceful heart and some sweet thoughts I am sending you to.  You have time to do something that is good and right and perfect - do those things instead of picking yourself to pieces girlie.

You deserve to not have the "less than" that somebody else put in your head repeated to you by yourself. 

You are worth much, you have worked hard, be gentle with you!

Your post made me cry, Brandilynn. I really am hard on myself. A lot of the problem is how I'm shaped. I look at pics of myself in high school when I was relatively normal weight and my shape is not cute. I was made fun of for having a "square" shape (not hourglass), told I'm build like a line backer, that I'm a sasquatch (hardy har), that I'm a "big girl" even when I was thin, that I could probably beat up guys, etc etc. It's just how I'm built, but it wasn't like most girls so guys constantly picked on me. I realize that THEY were just insecure (and/or short haha), but I guess it has just stuck with me. It's like no matter how hard I work out, how thin I get, how much muscle I have, I still look "stocky" to myself.

It's funny because I worked out, posted this, then went to shower and in the shower I thought, "What am I thinking? I will NEVER look like those girls. They don't have the skin issues I have and most of them are half my age." So I do know, logically, not to compare myself to others, especially to "normies" but I forget sometimes.

I have to keep remembering that about the scale. It's just always been the best tool I've had to track my fat loss, but now I know I can at least use that gadget at the gym whenever I want to see if my body fat is decreasing.

I do think I'd like to get in a size 6/8 and I can wear a lot of size 8 jeans already, but I still need a 10 or even 12 in some brands - you know how it goes. sigh

I am linebacker built too girlie.  You have a good (even if its an illusion :}) of a curvier self, because you are blessed with buzms.  I am a ruler gurl.  Up and down, I will create curves because I will build up my shoulders and my side booty, but yea, I understand what you are saying, I still look stubby to me a lot.  But its just a shape, not a personality defect! :} 

I think you also have extra tenders lately, you had to spend time with your mama, your body might be having a few extra yahoos with your hormones because of stuff you do not regularly partake of. 

Honestly?  the difference between 6 and 8 is just a baby muffintop :}  If you want to be at 150 then try for it, if all this makes you insane, just be you right now at this weight and focus on growing muscles and eating the same, you WILL lean out.  You CANNOT NOT! 

You are getting there.. every day! 

Betcha if I tried to wear regular waisted stuff I would need 10s or 12s, because I am not tiny waisted.  Just am not! 

But we sure are beautiful baby!  And worthy!  And hard working!  And kind mostly!  :}  You know.. :}

I fear you grow weary of me knocking on the door of the expectations and back to what really can be, but man, you sure did not come all this way to just get hung up on something unattainable, when what CAN be attained is amazing and marvelous, and definitely NOT second rate!!

That is so true but see that is how my mind messes with me!! I think, well I'm just not going for xx## because I'm scared I will fail. Then I think well Im not going for xx## because I'm being realistic. I just dont know what to think! LOL

Haha see how nutso my mind is? I swear I have two people in there saying completely opposite things.

Just name them both so they know that you are talking to them when you specifically tell them to STFU.

Hi, Mandy...

I think your body will let you know when you've arrived. I'm the same height as you (though much older). My original goal was 150.  I kind of stopped/stalled after a year at 158 and was okay with that. Had plastics (breast reduction/lift--WONDERFUL (and insurance paid)!, tummy tuck) and started gradually losing again. Eventually got down to about 138 a year ago, which was too low and happened in the middle of moving--lots of stress. Then I gained back 5 lbs, which is where I'm trying to maintain (at 143). Finding that my body seems to want to be at 145-146, which is fine, but I'm fighting it, mostly because I don't want to keep drifting up, so it's better for me to always be trying to lose a pound or two. I still have extra fat on my upper abdomen, arms, upper thighs--the usual suspects, but overall, I really like how my body looks...From your pictures, you look great where you are, so maybe just keep doing what you're doing and see where you settle...

L.

Hey Lizzy - I totally want a boob job (ha) but our insurance is changing Jan 1st to Kaiser and I'm not sure if they will cover it. I have Aetna now which does cover it, but it's too late in the year now to go with them. :(

Did it help with the skin under the arms/sides? That part drives me crazy.

Actually, I have a friend who got her reduction at Kaiser, with NO problems or hassle. She had not even had WLS, but the doctor approved it right away. She just had to wait a while for an opening--I think it was about 6 months, but they did a great job. So there is DEFINITELY hope there! It did help with that extra side skin a bit, but I still have a little. But, get this, Thanksgiving, I wore top that was tight in the back and the sides and you could sort of see the bulges around the bra, so I put on a Spanx top under the shirt and went WITHOUT A BRA!!!! And when we went to Hawaii, I wore little halter top or spaghetti strap sundresses--something I could NEVER have done in my adulthood, even when thin. I think the reduced boob thing is my favorite part of this whole journey!

L.

Oh yay!! Now my hopes are up! I do think I should be approved. I have chronic headaches, back problems (requiring hospitalization at times) and shoulder pain, grooves in my shoulders, and it's just obvious by looking at me that my boobs are too big. lol

I'm glad you are happy with your procedure. That must feel awesome to be able to wear any top!!