Question for all the Veteran Maintainers

Hi Lizzy, yes i am signed up on FB but i never go there and really don't know how to use it. only signed up because my before and after picture is on it from the lapsf before and after picture contest and i wanted to look at it and the other winners. 

The place i play scrabble is  isc.ro
 Its an international scrabble club and its free and you can play people all over the world and in multiple languages (not me) and also choose games by how highly rated a player you are and they are and by time and other variables. Its by the National Scrabble Association rules though you can select which scrabble dictionary you use. I learned to play competitive scrabble from my in laws as they used to play in tournaments. I have played in a few and even played in the national championship tournament in Reno a few years ago. of course, i was in the lowest division (of 6) but did pretty well for a beginner. it was fun.  So if you want to play me, sign up on isc.ro  (its free) and look for me - my handle is rakuku.   its a fun site. play every day.   d

During the first 2 years I FELT the emotions as I couldn't "eat" them.  NOW I'm afraid my go to foods like cakes, pies, cookies, crackers go down so easily I am now 1/2 and 1/2 eating my emotions and feeling them.

Ms Shell

There are a ton of things I do to deal with my emotions and/or distract myself:

- Cry
- Call people and talk about what is bugging me (helps that several of my friends are therapists)
- Play solitaire
- Clean my house
- Read trashy romance novels
- Listen to uplifting music
- Exercise
- Sew
- Watch TV
- Take a hot bubble bath with candles
- Go shopping
- Play with my dogs

I tend to go to cleaning my house and solitaire the most often, followed by calling people and romance novels.

Thank you SO much for all your responses! You've given me much to think about.  Feeling the actual feelings and working through them is probably the best idea. I've run away from them for so long and, not being a confrontational or assertive person most of the time, well, things have started to bottle up now. Time to come out with things before I explode.

I especially like the playful things that were suggested. Sometimes I think I (and many people) have forgotten the wonderment of play and how therapeutic it can be. Learning something new can be helpful as well and it gets me out of my every day environment. Some new quilting classes or bead making? I dunno. At least you all have opened my range of focus again. I was wearing blinders for a while.

Thanks again so much! As usual, I knew you would all be of help,

Lisa

I think this is the part where folks says "YOU HAVE CHANGED" cuz its a challenge to go from doormat to moderate and not just totally switch gears into *****face overdrive!  :}

I do stuff that makes my heart glad, but I also really work on talking to myself differently about the feelings than I did before - not spiraling into "always" and "never" speak.  To ask me what the REAL root of the sadness/anger/whatever is - is it really "them" or am I just reacting poorly to something?  Or am I just reacting normally and I need to just have a minute to process it? 

My mama was so fond of saying "suck it up, little girl" and I think that's what that voice in my head tells me - which is when I would usually either eat or burst out in *****face. :} 

Its a different muscle, the emotional moderation muscle.  I have also learned that putting so much importance of my feelings does not actually help - I ask myself "is it true?  Is it kind? is it helpful?"

And with true, I can either accept it or change it. 

With kind - I can hear the truth without attaching blame, guilt, or some other random emotional baggae to it

With helpful - I can be prompted to either feel it to its end and possibly glean a little something about me from it - or it can help me with #1 - to change or accept.

I tried working out a lot at first, but I figured it would not be appropriate in the middle of a "discussion" with my beloved to take our "conversation" where the treadmill was :}  Or to suddenly burst into squats or jumping jacks.  Or do those things in a work meeting that was chapping me!

Amusing perhaps!  appropriate ?  Not so much. 

Brandilynn, I can always count on you for sage advice. I think you have hit the nail on the head. I saw your response a day or two ago and really, REALLY needed to think about it.

I read your post and it was like, I think this woman was raised by the same parent as me!

There is moderation somewhere between submissive and agressive, starving yourself and over eating. Black & white. Doormat & *****FACE. And yes, everyone notices when you go from one to the other.

I'm beginning to think the "emotional moderation muscle" is harder to train than the physical ones and the hunger/fullness one. Its more in other peoples face rather than mine.

With your particular advice, I think I come away with, perhaps, pausing before reacting. I DO think feelings are important but how you react to them well, that's where that muscle and your "true, kind and helpful" advice comes in. While I'm working other muscles, I'll try to work this one as well.

Thanks so much!

Ah parents..  I comfort myself knowing we always do the best we can, but sometimes our best is not what anyone, not even us, wants for us.  Comes with skin, I think.  :}

I think feelings are important too girlie!  I did not mean to give the impression that I thought they were not, but I do not think they are always TRUE. 

So many times in my life I have felt alone, unloved, unworthy (you can fill in whatever) but the TRUTH was, none of those things were TRUE.  I definitely *felt them* and then the words I used to myself, about myself previously would feed into that slew of blurg. 

But they were just feelings.  They were just habitual reactions to situations.  If I *would* have looked even past my gloom, I might could have seen that it was not true, if I had a friend *****ally KNEW how to say to me "I know you feel those things, and I know you feel them deeply, but those things are not TRUE" maybe I could have heard them.  Or maybe not. 

I dunno, this whole thing is like I was emotionally/functionally retarded in places because however - I learned to use food instead of processing some information.  Its like I ran on feelings, but then needed to stifle them!?

People, we are silly.

But we are learning!  :}

Our inner dialogue can be so counter productive, cant it??

I understand now. Thanks for the clarification. So very true!

 I have found meditation very helpful.  Was encouraged to hear this article this morning on NPR about breath work and stress relief.  Appears that meditation and breath work changes your body chemistry in many ways.  

http://www.npr.org/2010/12/06/131734718/just-breathe-body-has-a-built-in-stress-reliever