Daily Maintenance Weigh In - Saturday, Nov 27/10

 Vicky, you're such a doll.  Thanks for the warm welcome.  I was so happy read about your continuing sobriety.  I'm so very proud of you!!

Hi There,

I am just going to stick this at the bottom of this thread from yesterday and perhaps no one will even see it...  old news... new day... 

I just want to talk to myself and anyone that is still out there about how I felt:
-  I obviously don't take criticizm well
-  My first reaction was "fine I will stop posting my stupid Sleevin' & Achievin and my really stupid Daily Maintanence thread if people are going to judge my way of maintaining... what is the point!!!"  
-  In other words I would withdraw, not only from those threads but from the damn forums...
-  But then I thought about it a little more and a couple of things happened:
-  NO it was ok to feel angry or hurt, it was not ok to stuff my feelings down and withdraw 
-  NO it is better to express how I am feeling and get the feedback good or bad
-  NO frickin' way am I cutting off my support system for one comment I did not like
-  NO this was an opportunity to re-evaluate and re-affirm my reasons for doing what I do 
-  NO this was an opportinity to hear what others had to say 
-  sooooooooo NO I am not proud of yesterdays exchange, but I am proud of myself for not saying my peice and then disappearing like I might have in the past 
-  NO leaving would hurt me and maybe someone else I might be help 
-  NO I have every right to do and say as I please, people can take it or leave it and do what THEY want to do...

Giggle here I sit merrily chatting away with myself and you know what, I am pretty good company...  

My dear friend Cindy!  Oh, how I love you!  This thread was one of the best on this board.  I can't believe I missed it but am so glad I read it "today".  I hope others that may have missed it  get the chance soon.
Well, random thoughts for me today......
I've been afraid to weigh since Thanksgiving.  I've gained weight each day and have been afraid to post that.  Food has been such an obsession for me lately.  I haven't felt this strongly about food since before surgery.  I've got 4 1/2 months of sobriety and I know that has something to do with the way I'm feeling.  I gotta use "something" when the feelings are so intense.  Shopping is another drug for me, I felt like I was in a tunnel the other day, like tunnel vision....outta of my way.....I weighed 180 (point something this morning) and yesterday too.  Wow....that acknowledgment just took all of the power out of my secret.  Secrets will kill me.  I look normal, but I'm not normal.  I need to remember this.  I just re-read some of my posts on my profile.  There were pretty rare and powerful, especially the one where I admitted I had a problem with alcohol.  Brought tears to my eyes, which lately happens alot and it's a good thing.  My body image is crazy awful lately.  I should be so happy but when I look closely...I cry.  It's strange today when I looked at my body, it seems less saggy.  Maybe a few pounds helped?  Crazy thoughts.  I need to weigh daily or at least every other day.  I've been off work for a week and have been eating out most of the time.  I know this has a lot to do with my gain.  I LOVE this board!  I LOVE your random thoughts!  I LOVE you!  I feel better now......thanks "EVERYONE" for staying honest!  I need this and I need you!  I feel better.....now......WOW!  It's amazing how I feel when I share what's going on in my head......

babygirl.... alone and in the dark is no place for a struggling little flower. 

Locked up and clamped down is no place for a mind and a heart that needs the freedom and space to say its piece, so they can have peace

Do not hide yourself from the people who love you zactly like you are and whose hearts are for you to have the testimony you are *meant* to have.

*squeeze*

b

Oh "b"......God how I love you!  You "always" know what to say.  You are magical and influential in my journey.  You always let me know it's okay to be...."me".......I love you so.......

Hi Victorious Vicki,

BIG long loving hugs to you sweetheart!! 

I am crazy proud of you, just keep moving forward honey, and pouring that big ole' heart out...

We love you and are right here for you... 

Puppy Kisses to You... from Tiki and Sadi
xoxoxox

Member our on line chat?  It wasn't long, but it was so special.  You ARE special!  Love you too!  Stay true!

Oh why must you make my makeup smear on this post holiday Monday!!  It is cyber monday so I guess THAT means I have to be online and crying!!

You ARE so beautiful and so special and so STRONG.  Yes YOU my dear friend are stronger then you give yourself credit.  It takes strength to do something about your obesity, it takes stregth for everyday of your sobriety...you are strong.

It's even MORE ok to FEEL the emotions and **** cry every day if you need to and lean on your friends here.  Friends who "know" the steps you take and the strength it takes to endure yet another day.

Always remember to SHARE it's the healthiest thing you can do for YOU...

Oh MsShell, now you got me tearing up.......

I know we are both in California so I'm hoping to meet you one day..one fine day......

What's in between us?  We should plan a meet!