How do you handle negative comments?

I'm really struggling mentally right now. I dont know if it's because I'm at goal and kinda floundering thinking Ok what now or ?? I have had the thoughts that maybe I have lost too much weight because when I look in the mirror and I see my face I automatically think I'm too thin. However I feel my stoma*****omparison, is still HUGE even though I'm wearing a size 6.

That being said my sister was in town last weekend and we only see each other maybe once a year (she lives in Alabama and I'm in Texas). I havent seen her since September 09. The first words out of her mouth was OMG you look sick!! Then my brother in law says, you dont need to lose anymore weight because you look bad! I was kinda shocked but ignored it. However my sister said several times in less than 24 hours that I looked horrible. I finally told her that I realize it's a shock seeing me after I have lost 90 lbs however according to my BMI I am right square in the middle of the NORMAL weight range for my height. I also told her that I see a nutritionist and am on target as far as he is concerned as well. That shut her up but it has really bothered me for the last week. I'm finding myself more depressed than usual and doubting myself constantly. I know my sister is overweight (has gained nearly 100 lbs in the past 2 years) and it's jealousy talking but now I just cant stop doubting myself. I really try to be a positive/up beat person but I just really havent had it in me this past week. I'm hoping this "funk" goes away SOON!! Thank you sister dearest!!

I friend of mine had her BIL tell her she looked like a crack ***** At the time, her BMI was still in the overweight category and she had chubby cheeks and a double chin! IOW, he's a moron.

Just ignore them.

Now, it's possible you are going through a phase where parts of your body are gaunt while others are still chubby. If so, as you continue, your fat will redistribute and it will all even out. OTOH, it's just as likely that you are gorgeous and they are just being *****y. (Yes, guys can be *****y.)

I just looked at your pictures--you look great! Not gaunt and certainly not "sick" or "horrible" at all!!! Sisters can be the worst, imho. Mine has always been very thin and attractive. My whole life, she's been jealous of me, my life, my friends, everything--but the one thing she could sort of lord over me was that she was thin. Ahem. She had some trouble dealing with me now being as thin as she is, lol. She wasn't quite as overt as your sister, but I'd get the, "You don't want to lose too much, you'll get wrinkes/you'll get anorexic/you'll get sick etc.etc." comments. It is just THEIR insecurity and really doesn't have much to do with you. I really tried to see it that way, that my sister has always been fundamentally insecure and I cut her some slack. Things are better now. Part of it is that we change so fast that I think it shocks people. But I have friends/acquaintances now who have forgotten that I was ever heavy...

Hang in there...

Lizanne

well phooey on these folks. but i guess you can't just dump 'em because they are family. Sure there is a big difference in how you look and your sister is certainly jealous and projecting and all that psychobabble. Next remark you could say, " gee thanks, i have worked hard to get a healthy weight. I had expected you to be more supportive. and by the way, you look horrible too."

So please don't doubt yourself or let this upset you too much. Yes we are all going to have a sag or two. I never had any wrinkles on my cheeks and all my friends did, but now i do due to the deflation effect. don't like the wrinkles and sags but hated the weight worse. None of us are teenage rock stars and our bodies are less than perfect by MTV standards but we are all way healthier than before our surgeries and I KNOW you look better 90 lbs thinner. So gussy up in the cutest clothes you have and strut around in front of unsupportive family. and enjoy it.  Look at some old pictures of your face and you will realize its not too thin. Its just absent fat.

This sort of stuff is why i hate holidays with the family. I tell 'em I can't stand the travel but its a lie. Hope the rest of your visit goes better. D

Hi Sweet Debby,

I am sorry you had to go through that honey, big hugs 

Now look, I just went and looked at your pics and I see that you look:
-  so much younger
-  so happy
-  so slim and trim
-  so confident
-  and oh so pretty

You do not look gaunt, or old, or winkled, or too skinny...

You really do look fabulous, really really young, and I bet you feel and in your eyes you look, better than you have in a very very long time.

Don't let them steal your thunder... 

Also, there was a time, when I looked in the mirror and I thought my head looked ridiculously long and thin... it looked so funny to me... I also thought I looked a bit gaunt and wrinkled...

Just know, the weight re-distributes and I no longer feel that way about my face and head... 

You look so amazing and it breaks my heart how thoughtless and cruel they were to you...

Chin up sweet pea!  YOU look fabulous!

well looking at your pictures you do not look sick and you sure as hell dont look bad, maybe the brother in law has to say that to make his wife feel better about her self and so he has a peaceful holiday,  but dont believe them not even for a min.

Like you said your a healthy bmi how in the world can you look sick?  your labs are good so i dont see what it is that they are seeing that we are not.

Dont let your changes or loose skin get you down, i think its to be expected that after losing 90 lbs we are not going to be walking away with no skin issues, we might have the odd extra wrinkle or baggy saggy skin but at least we have got rid of alot of the health issues we had when we were bigger.

There is still parts of me that i think could have got smaller, but then i stop and think well if i were to get sick i want something to fall back on im not 20 anymore, so i dont need to be strutting around in a bikinni with a perfect body.

Be proud of strutting around in your size 6 jeans because you sure as hell worked hard to get into them, dont let anyone take that away from you and make you self doubt your self, you look awsome and im proud of you.

I know what you mean Debby!
People at my work tell me all the time...dont lose anymore weight, I am like...Hello I still have 50 more pounds to lose! I think they say this out of jealousy, but also because they dont want us looking beter than them. I havent been thin at all my entire life, so when people see us thinner their gut reaction is that we are too thin. Well POOP on them! Dont let them get you down...and if you are getting sorta depressed maybe you should see a psychologist or a counselor? My hubby and I were already seeing one when I started this journey and he has helped me a lot, because I have at times been kinda an emotional mess... but hey this is a huge life change sister!
Love ya Debby, and dont let negative people take away the joy that you have for doing what you have done! You are awesome lady!!

I checked out your pics and you do NOT look sick or gaunt. I think you look like a normal, happy, healthy person!

Could it just be the shock of your transformation? If they weren't there for your journey then they're just seeing the before and after and they may just need some time to get used to the new you!

Thank you all for your comments!! They really did make me feel good about what I have done. My sister and I have never had the sisterly love that others may have had. Dang it I let her get to me mentally, again!! I will get thru this "phase" I'm sure and be a better person because of it!!
You guys are such a great family to be a part of!!! Hugs to all!!!

You do not look sick! In fact, you look wonderful!