Death in my Family and didn't even use my Paxil

On Tuesday, I felt weird, just one of those weird days I geuss. As many of you know I work nights and I have my cell phone in the other room and shut it off. I woke up after my "Morning Nap" and have a call stating for me to call and he has some bad news. I was like OMGosh, what now, I was thinking OHH No, something happened to my Sister in Law who is in Afghan.

No, it was my Aunt Roseann, my Dad's oldest sister, she passed away while getting her 2nd cup of coffee. The last couple of years have been rough on her, she was due to get a pace maker put in her Dec. 14, 2011.

As many of you know, I went to California to have surgery, Yes I live in Anchorage, Alaska. I love my surgeon, he is my saving Grace for surgery.

Well, when I was in California, I go to see my Auntie, she was on oxygen and had one of the best smiles on her face, she was chipper and had words of wisdom and told stories about her other sister and my Dad when they were younger. She knew she was that sick, that didn't stop her.

I will be open and honest, I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD, every since having surgery, I have been barely on my Paxil, it's weird I feel happier about life and feel I don't need to take it. I did take one day off this week and my work was fine with me taking Friday off, so I had to get my self together. I am passed the denial stage, just havent cried and being happier, and going to see how long it takes me to not take Paxil, or just take it any way. I haven't taken my paxil since I heard of the bad news. I know my Depression, went out of whack and taking that day off helped.

Her Service is Next week, I am going to ask some one if they can call me while they have the service, I want to be there, just wan't to take the time off and get a ticket. I know she is not suffering with everything wrong that she had wrong, she is laughing and singing and watching down on me, as I write this.

I love and Miss you Auntie...... tell Mom I said HI, and give her kisses and hugs. Thanks.

Well it sounds like you have a very good grip on your emotions and knowing what you need. That is a huge step in this process, imo - knowing what we are feeling and letting ourselves feel it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My grandmother passed on 1 week after my surgery and I'd been taking care of her for a few months before. It wasn't easy, but I understand not feeling sad. I mean, I was sad for the loss, but happy she wasn't in pain anymore. And I was SO grateful for the Sleeve because people tend to want to feed mourners. Everything centered around food that weekend and I came home 3 lbs down.

Hugs for your loss.

Ohhh, yes, I agree. I feel so much healthier. Well if this lost happened last year. I would have pigged out on food, it was weird, I had the thought to do it, but didn't.  I had that in my mind, but knew I shouldn't, i just grabbed more water to drink and thought positve thinking and thoughts.