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I am in your very shoes sweety! My mother is deathly morbidly obese (if that is even a category. hehe) She has been obese my entire life time and like your father, has tried everything from pills to weigh****chers! Nothing has stuck nor helped her to stay focused and lose weight. She used raising her children alone, putting herself through school and supporting them as an excuse for coming home from school/work and just laying on the couch stuffing fast food into her mouth.

My mom is my hero. What she has done at a time that the norm was mothers staying at home and raising kids, she was a trailblazer and did what it took to support her family. in doing that she trade her active healthy life style for one of laziness and over eating. She felt that it was not a priority and so, to this day she still doesn't.

My brother back in early 2000 offered to pay for her to have the RNY done at the premier WLS hospital at the time, and she turned him down, much for the same reasons as your father, fear. She was afraid she would die and about the malabsurption.

A few years after that I discussed frankly about her weight and asked her point blank if she wanted to be around to see her grandchildren grow up. If she wanted to be a burden to us in her later years because she could no longer care for herself because of her weight. She became stubborn and of course was hurt by my straight forward manner. It was a slap in the face to her that her food choices were hurting her family. The very family that she had sacrificed EVERYTHING to support. How dare we!! She doesn't see that her health is hurting us and pains us to no end because of the great love we have for her and the fear of not having her around and having her health erode because of her poor eating habits and never exercising!

Recently my husband I have made a will that if we should die then the custody of our children will go to my brother. Not my mother. I told her that I would NOT consign my children to being raised by someone that can't even walk up or down a flight of stairs! I have young, active children. I can NOT saddle them with someone that is going to teach them the horrible eating habits that I was raised on. It's not fair to them! I was going to place my brother their guardian, until my mother let it slip that he had said if he was given guardianship then he'd move in with my mom so they could raise the kids together. We have since changed our will. I told my mom if she would lose the weight and improve her health then we would change the will to reflect her as guardian. If she could run, play and be active with my kids. Take them on outings to the park, zoo, and swimming.

When I had my sleeve surgery I was very hesitant to tell her knowing how she felt about WLS (from when my brother approached her about it), and found that she was VERY supportive and thought it was a wonderful idea! She has really been a positive cheerleader and supporter. I have not broached the topic of her having WLS, as I don't think her insurance will cover it. But, maybe when I see her this summer I might very well speak to her about it. I'd urge her to have the sleeve surgery as I have had and I hope when she sees me and the results I have had she'll be inspired to contact her doctor and see what options are available to her. I have been praying very hard about it.

I suppose the moral in this long explanation is that as many times as we have spoken to my mom about her weight, how we feel about it and the effect on her family, it is still up to her and your dad. We can only express our love and concern at their health and hope that their love they have for us will once more hopefully open their eyes and encourage them to take care of themselves and get healthy, if not for them, then for us! But in the end. It's their choice. Sadly sometimes those habits of a life time just are stronger then their will power and their wanting to get healthy. Sometimes getting healthy is simply too hard for them. The choice to change and actually change can seem insurmountable. Little do they know that it's not. Hopefully with your success your father will see that his loving, wonderful, beautiful daughter has changed not only her body, but life to be healthier, and happier.

Good luck hun! I've walked that path and I failed. I hope and pray you are able to reach your dad and he gets healthy for himself and for his family!!
*big supportive hugs*

Thank you so much for this very poignant one liner!  It's so simple yet so powerful, I got chills upon reading it:

                 "Simply do the next right thing."

It helps to eleviate the overwhelminng feeling of everything that needs to be done.            

Thank you for this.
Gaby

I am letting go of a very major main relationship in my life.  It has been essentially been over for a few years as I've had no contact with this person.  However, the hope has not been over.  Deep, deep down there has been a considerable amount of hurt and pain, and no understanding as to how this could happen. 

Lately though there has been a shift within me.  I've had a lot of insights and rather than the hurt and pain, I feel a sense of calm about all of it.  I know for my part I have turned myself inside/out, up/down and it hasn't been enough.  I've realized that it takes TWO people to make a relationship and I can't do it alone.  I know that I have done everything humanly possible so I can let go without regret. 

Another powerful insight is that the end of something is really a new beginning.  I'm very happy and grateful for the new beginning.

Thanks for "listening."

Cathy

Hey Mona,

Thanks for your post and being a member of my OH Group.  I hope all is well with you.

Take care, Cathy

  Weight Loss Surgery Support:
Daily Inspiration for April 18, 2010 Katie Jay,MSW

Hear what is not said. 

Our loved ones want to be supportive, but may hesitate at times to speak their minds. Observe body language and behavior cues to learn what others are thinking. They may have unspoken questions, concerns, or comments. Even coworkers may not want to upset your "fragile" frame of mind by saying or doing anything "wrong."  

Your surgery and inconsistent eating habits may cause others to feel as though they are walking on egg shells. You may think everyone has adjusted to your new lifestyle, but they may just be acting that way to please you. Continue to open lines of communication with your spouse, children, and co-workers so that they are clear about boundaries--both theirs and yours.  

Action for the day: Spend some time today thinking about how your WLS journey affects those around you. Do you need to communicate better with your family, friends, and co-workers? What needs to be said that you haven't said? What do others need you to understand, even if they can't find the words to tell you?  
© 2010, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery. All rights reserved. Daily Inspirations are provided by the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery. Get our free report,  How to Regain-Proof Your Weight Loss Surgery at www.nawls.com.