Friendships and Relationships That Change

Our very own MHP, Dr. Kathy Nickerson, is an expert on AllExperts.com. The question is about friendships but it is applicable to any relationships.

This happened to me with a friendship that I treasured and valued. At the time, it was difficult and hard to understand what was going on. Now, I completely get it. It doesn't erase the hurt but now I understand why it happened and, honestly, why it was not a good friendship for me.

I thought Dr. Nickerson's answer is excellent and very helpful so I wanted to post it here too.

Thanks Dr. Nickerson!

Question: I had weight loss surgery and my best friend of many years had surgery the year before I did. We both were successful. I thought it would make us closer. After I lost the majority of our weight, our friendship changed and she became very critical of my hair, my clothes, and how I looked. Our friendship eventually fizzled. Why does weight loss cause a change in relationships?

Thanks for your assistance.

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Answer Thank you so much for your question. I am so sorry you experienced a change in your friendship, that does sometimes happen after a major life change.

It is sad that your friend became more critical and judgmental as your weight loss progressed. It sounds like there must have been some jealousy issues that came up.

Friendships are formed for many reasons and sometimes, they are somewhat situational. People who are in similar spots/situations tend to come together to support each other, so it makes sense to me that the two of you would bond over the struggle to lose weight and be overweight.

It might have been that she liked the attention she was getting when she was the "skinny one" and you were the "heavy one." She might have enjoyed the feeling of being more desirable, more socially acceptable, more attractive, or "better" in some way. (Please know that I don't personally think one's weight has anything to do with these attributes, but some people do.....so I am including them here). Once you started to lose weight and were on the same level, her competitive advantage was lost and she may have been uncomfortable with this.

Weight loss can cause radical changes in romantic relationships too and if you'd like to read more about this, feel free to read my article here:

http://www.drkathynickerson.com/publications.htm

Thanks so much for your question, I hope this helps!

Warmly,
Kathy