Do You Pull Over and Ask for Directions?

Do You Pull Over and Ask for Directions?
by Katie Jay, MSW, Certified Wellness Coach
Director, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery
www.nawls.com

We've all known men (and women) *****fuse to stop for directions when they get lost on road trip. We might chuckle about the absurdity of some stubborn soul driving around for hours on end, lost and unwilling to ask for help.  But isn't that what we sometimes do after weight loss surgery?

Part of the problem is that we have all dieted before. We've all lost weight before. We've
taken our share of extreme measures. We've also read all the diet books, enrolled in all the national diet programs, counted  calories, counted carbs, lived on cabbage soup,
eaten only eggs ... okay maybe that was just me :o).

The point is, we're under the illusion that we know enough not to get lost on our journeys.

The reality is, sometimes we get lost. Or sometimes we are lost and don't even realize it!

Being open to and seeking out help is one of  the most important things a person can do
following weight loss surgery. Sometimes we view needing help as a weakness,
or as a loss of control, but I would argue the opposite.

When we admit we need help, we show a deep strength. When we are open to input from
others, we have access to the best possible information available.

This doesn't mean we blindly turn control of our lives over to others. It means we stay
open to the possibility that more and better information is available to us -- and that we
can choose to adopt an attitude of open-mindedness and unlimited potential.

What does this mean in practical terms? Here are some examples from my coaching practice. These are real scenarios that demonstrate how important it is to adopt the belief that outside help can improve the quality of your WLS life:

1. Christine, a gastric bypass patient, was told by her dietitian to use Tums as her calcium
supplement. Because Christine was involved in a NAWLS coaching group, she learned that her supplement should be calcium citrate, not calcium carbonate. (She didn't even know she was lost.)

2. Toni had developed a transfer addiction to alcohol. Her marriage was at risk and her child was acting out in extreme ways. Toni reached out to me, asking for help to find treatment. Because she was open to suggestions, she sought a counselor who specialized in addiction and followed the therapist's advice. She saved her marriage and was able to get help for her child, too.

3. Susan was baffled when she stopped losing weight. She truly believed she was, in her
words, "doing everything right." Instead of giving up, thinking she had done all she could, she asked someone in her support group to help her figure out what the problem was. Together, they did research and eventually solved the problem. And when Susan decided to make some changes in her lifestyle, her friend became her accountability buddy.

4. Donna felt hopeless and unable to take care of herself, but she didn't realize she was
clinically depressed. When she called for coaching, I referred her to get evaluated for
depression -- and she began taking medication. Her gray world has become technicolor, and she feels hopeful and motivated again.

5. Holly felt like a failure. She went from 380 pound to 190 pounds, but had not reached her goal weight of 150. A few women in her surgeon's support group had lost to goal and gotten plastic surgery -- and Holly felt fat and shut out.

Rather than retreating to her house and eating herself into oblivion, which she was tempted to do, Holly sought help. Over time, Holly was able to shift from her belief that she was a failure to seeing herself as a rare success story. She stopped trying to diet and began to live.

All of these women were open to the idea that getting help is an important part of long-term recovery after weight loss surgery. All of them were able to defy the shame-filled voice in their head that was telling them not to break their silence, telling them they were a failure, or that they would be judged because of their problems.

The WLS journey is life long. There is no need to go it alone. In fact, by stopping and asking for directions, your chances of getting where you want to go (or realizing you've already arrived) are much, much greater.
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