Starting Over... *Again*

I don't know if I want to put this in the SBAAWLS forum...  I don't know if I want to be that open.

So, I quit my job almost a year ago.  Then, I sat on my ass and grazed...  I've gone from 174 to 218.  Do the math, I'll wait....

Yeah, I gained 44 pounds.  And I can't even claim more than a pound or so on the tits.  I am disgusted with myself.  What the hell happened to "I"ll never get over 200 again"?!?

~sigh~

So, I've tried to control the bad eating.  Doing so-so on that, but that isn't the most important thing.  Ever since I got to my goal, or close, (the first time, that is ) I figured out that I could eat "regular" food in moderation, and even treat myself occasionally - AS LONG AS I WORKED OUT.  I could maintain, but the price for easing up on the strict food control was that I had to work out 5 days a week.  That slowly fizzled, but did I get stricter with my intake to compensate?  **** no!

I've tried for the last six months to eat better - sometimes I'm successful, sometimes not.  But I've realized I DON'T want to "diet" the rest of my life.

CONCLUSION:  WORK OUT, FATASS!

So I'm working out.  I didn't want to go to the gym, I don't like to walk outside (ewwwww - nature - blech!), and I don't own Jane Fonda anymore.  I have a Fanny Lifter & weight set, but I didn't like the replacement DVDs I got after I left the originals in Reno.  So it sat there...

When I got on the scale and saw 210 and *growing*, I GOOGLED.  I found the original workout DVDs, ordered them... they came last night, and....

TA-DA....          I JUST WORKED OUT!!!!!!!!!

I'm sore, I'll be sorer later, and I'll be insanely sore tomorrow.  But I did it and IT FELT GREAT.

Now I'm going to go have a protein shake to help rebuild the muscles I just worked...

            BUT NO:  

It happens.  I used ot keep my weight right around my lowest pos-op weight, have slowly seen it rise over the last year.  At years end I had gained 30 pounds, and I don't know how.  Like you I swore it would never happen, and I can't even say that it snuck up on me, since I weigh almost every day.    I watched it slowly go up almost pound by pound and felt like I couldn't stop it.  I know what i have to do to take it back off, but I just can't make myself do it.  Exercise?  I have the exercise bike and the bowflex, I don't use either one.  Cut back?  Eat right?  I knwo the rules, I just can't make myself follow them or follow them for long. Bad habits have taken over my body again, lose 5 pounds, gain 5 pounds, lose 8 pounds, gain 8 pounds.  It's getting scary because the further out I get the harder it is to maintain.  Good luck to you Angel, I hoep you are successful in taking off that extra weight.

It is SO scary to watch the numbers creep up, and NOT do anything about it.  I know what to do, I just haven't been doing it.  And I look back at the 10-pound-gain mark and remember telling myself THEN, "It's time to nip this in the bud!".  Didn't happen!

I just don't want to look back at 300 pounds and ask myself why I didn't do something sooner.  40 pounds is god-awful enough!

I'm going to keep updating here - it's the only way to hold myself accountable.

Congratulations on getting back in there and doing the workout video!!!  It takes a LOT to get off of our asses and actually do the videos.  The damn thing sitting on a shelf isn't going to do it for us.  And beauty, **** does happen.  We don't plan on it but you're at least getting up and off your ass now at 44 pounds and doing something about it.  It would be the OLD us if you just ignored it and thought it would get better because then it would be 100 pounds OR MORE!!!  Don't get mad at yourself, don't get down on you.  You recognized that there is an issue and you're doing something about it. Now you'll have to work harder but the fact is you ARE doing something now.  A nice soak in the tub would help those sore muscles.  But yeah, the hurt & burn is good... and I'm happy you got up and did the video. That's the hardest part to working out and you did it!!!!!  One day at a time and one baby step at a time. You know this doesn't happen over nite gorgeous.

Rox . it looks like you are at the beginning of finding what works for you .
I know for me , I have to do it all . I have to watch what I eat and exercise .
I will admit this here ... I am a junkie .. and a freak about my weight. I have become OCD about so many things .
I have worked out so much that I have injured myself , gotten sick .. Sometimes I need my ass kicked . So I have gotten back on track now .. eating right .. and working out .
I am working on getting my personal trainers certification and this class is hard in itself . The work outs can be an hour long .. as well as weight training . I should be the buffest ***** on the beach this summer !!! 

I am glad you worked out .. and I hope you keep it up . You are one beautiful women .. smart and inspiring ... I know you can do this .

Love you 
Tink

 Hi Roxxi,

Sorry to hear about your struggles.  It is very discouraging when you feel like you're doing everything right and the scale is still creeping in the wrong direction.

Are you keeping a food diary?  Sometimes we don't realize how many calories we are taking in, especially how many calories we are DRINKING.  When I resolved to keep track of every calorie that went into my mouth, I was shocked to discover that I was actually drinking 800 calories a day.  There's a pound & a half a week, right there.

Exercise is unavoidable, as you already know.  Not only does it burn calories, it builds muscle which burns more calories and keeps your metabolism from slowing down.  The key is to make it something that you actually enjoy, not something you dread.  Try not to do the same thing all the time.  Rollerblading, bicycling, martial arts classes, even bellydancing is a viable form of exercising.  Look for a group to join!  You are more likely to stick with it if you are accountable to someone besides yourself.  

Also, it helps to know that you are not struggling alone.  Is there a local WLS support group that you can contact?  If not, then definitely use your online buddies for everything we can do for you.

I hope it gets easier for you.  I am cheering for you!
Natalie