Hello from Marie

Hi out there!!!

I'm Marie. 9 years ago I had Roux en Y, Gastric Bypass weight loss surgery. My surgery itself was uncomplicated and for two months the weight came off effortlessly. It was at that point that I developed an ulcer and when my surgery effect declined - in part to my personal behaviors and in part to health concerns.

Ultimately I did many things wrong and several things right regarding weight loss surgery.

The one thing that I did right for sure, was to have the surgery. I also have remained concious of my carb and sugar intake since surgery as well. This doesn't mean that I've not had them ever, but that  I don't tend to have them - even during periods where my eating is very, very unhealthy. Though I no longer dump to the extreme, as I did directly after WLS, I do still get the shakes, headaches and feel nauseous if I intake the wrong type or too much of sugar or carbs. I believe it is this that has helped my stomach remain intake over the 9 years time. I don't drink soda pops, juice or other high sugar drinks. I also don't eat breaded products such as cake, sandwhich breads and muffins (again, I have over the years, but not consistently).

What I have done wrong with my eating, however, is eat too much. Although they were things such as salads, meat dishes and rice - my size portions went up outrageously over the years. I disregarded this because I felt like my choices were healthy. Also, I was having far more healthy carbs (veggies/fruits) than protein. At one point I spent nearly 18 months as a vegan. This was a year and a half cycle of sickness as my body tried (and lost) to fight the carb cycle. I just couldn't allow my brain to believe that I was a post -op patient and my body wouldn't allow me to forget.

For the most part I've been physically inactive over the past 9 years. Directly out of WLS I joined a gym, took courses to become a Certified Personal Fitness Trainer, and spent 1-3 hours in the gym daily. I did end up with a LOT of sagging skin, but I also built muscle, had abundant energy and got my weight down from 256 pounds to 169 pounds within 9 months. As time passed I began to focus more on my children, spouse, education, work and LESS on my weight loss, health, and future. I got pregnant within the first year post-op. My tool helped me stay healthy during that pregnancy and I gained less than 25 pounds - and lost it all within a few months of delivery. The post partum period, a major life shift, a death in the family and a military move -coupled with undealt with depression and anxiety led me back to isolating and over eating. Quickly, I'd worked my way back up from 169 to 198. I stayed there for a few years, dropping or gaining within 10 lbs every so often. I never did make it to my WLS goal weight of 124lbs that my surgeon and I agreed upon. When I got pregnant with my fourth child, 6 years post op, I was quickly making my way towards my pre surgery weight. At that delivery, I weighed approximately 220lbs. In the two years since that birth, I've gained to a weight of 232lbs.

This Spring I began to focus intently on my weight. I'd tried several times over the 9 years since WLS, but had yet to last longer than a few weeks. In April I began using My Fitness Pal to record all of my food and drinks. It only took a few days to realize that a big part of my weight problem was in the sheer amount of food I ate. I cut my calories from approximately 3500 or more each day to the suggest 1800 or less. Within a week I'd lost 7 lbs. BUT... when I added exercise in I began to crave. I'd not gone to a higher amount of protein, nor had I added in my vitamins. I quickly depleted my energy and began a binge cycle that lasted for two months. I'd exercise and eat healthy for a few consecutive days, then binge on unhealthy and not move my body for a week or more; repeat, then repeat.

Finally in July, after only drinking alcohol a few times in my entire adult life, I was introduced to alcohol. I have a high tolerance for hard liquors (un-mixed with juices/sodas), so I drank them in high quantities. I was going through extremes in my personal life and I enjoyed the numbing feeling that the liquor provided. I determined that if I had the meats (and not the salads and whatnot) that I could drink a bit more before feeling as buzzed. But that (plus some other life stuff) led me to just having the meats - and leaving off the alcohol. By August I was ready, but my body was not as willing as I'd hoped. Though it was only a few months of drinking most days, I really did struggle once I wasn't drinking. My life, though it was settling down, was still a blurry mess and I wanted something to stuff down my emotions. I didn't want to drink and I didn't want to eat unhealthily.

As fate would have it, I was on YouTube and continuously saw ads for Elle Ip's documentary. I wanted that type of success. I began reading every story I could find about people changing their health for the better. Women, men, WLS patients, non-WLS patients. I printed their stories, put them on my bathroom mirror, on my laptop screensaver, as a favorite/homepage for my cellphone... I read and re-read and kept on until I started to believe in myself.  I joined Facebook's WLS pages, joined Obesity Help and the WLS sections on My Fitness Pal. Researching weight lifting, I came across Lyss Remaly's transformation story on Bodybuilding.com. Lyss had WLS and then went on to become an award winning body builder. Her story was the last spark I needed to solidify my choice to change.

Fall rolled in, I'd purchased some new stuff, dusted off my old weights, body scale, pedometer and food scale. I purchased chicken and fish in bulk - spent a full morning cutting & weighing it all into 4oz portions and storing them in snack size ziploc baggies. This was likely the most helpful part of my eating habits change. Each morning I'd wake - defrost 6 ziploc baggies of meat and cook them all. Then I'd put them in six small plastic containers. Whether in the house or on the go, I had my food prepped and simply had to eat it. I truly believe this is what allowed me to get through the initial emotional 'stuff' that I'd attached to my food and way of eating. I could cook my family's meal and quickly leave the table eating my food alone. It was difficult, but alone I would count my chews. Read over some WLS surgery material and pay close attention to how slowly I was eating and spacing my bites out. I taught myself to eat slowly and consciously. On the days when I would eat with the family I noticed how 'emotionally' hungry I was afterwards (because I was staring at their plates, serving them more and craving their foods). I decided to forgo dinner for a long time. These days I am feeling stronger and sitting with them for meals more often.

As for my exercise, since September I've exercised almost every day. Some days it's 15 minutes, other days it's nearly 2 hours. I enjoy the energy boost, the mental clarity, the emotional sense of pride and accomplishment and most of all the increased weight loss that exercise provides. I'm still trying an assortment of weight lifting, cardio and mixed stuff. I'm a reserved person, so I don't appreciate outdoors/ gym fitness, but indoors I've got a boxing set, a plethora of DVDs (including yoga, cardio, weights, and walking) and all sorts of weights, ropes, bands and mats. I like to keep my routine varied to help overcome boredom. Each night I place my gym shoes, exercise outfit and what ever I intend to do (boxing gloves, DVD, etc.) near my bed. First thing out the bed my foot touches my gear. I am instantly reminded to get into my exercise mode. The few days that I didn't do this, I ended up not exercising those days. It's a mind thing really, I see it, I do it. I don't see it, I lie to myself that I'll come back to it later -- but I don't give myself that time later.

Lately, I've felt mentally and emotionally strong, but physically I am struggling. I am still (VERY SLOWLY) losing weight. I am down from 232lbs at the beginning of September) to 215.6. However, I have become extremely constipated and likely have reopened the ulcer that I developed post op 9 years ago. Although I am continuing to exercise daily and focus on protein only, I am now having only shakes. For a new post-op this is essential. For me, at 9 years post-op it is a quick way to fall into bad habits. Slider foods are what assisted me in developing improper eating habits before. I didn't understand it back then, but it is important to give the new stoma some solid food restriction. The liquids (even healthy protein shakes) will lead to stretching and higher abilities to hold more than a few ounces. For me, now, I am only having half a shake at a time, yet I still worry about not being able to get my smaller amounts of solid protein. I've already been to a medical provider, but received very little help from the ER doctor. I also tried a local Bariatric provider, but again - little help. I've really just been 'winging' things at home and trying to stay focused on what I know to be correct with gastric bypass. I'm back on all my vitamins now too. I've struggled with the D, B and iron most. I've had the B injection and a few years of iron infusion treatments. But as with other things I've not been consistent with them, until recently.

I scour the internet for any and all things gastric bypass. Currently I am reading a few books about WLS and I read EVERYTHING here on Obesity Help. I had my surgery in Europe and never spoke with my surgeon afterwards. I didn't find a local support system after WLS and never connected to a new Bariatric clinic once I moved to my current residence.  When I had my WLS, other than my husband and one former friend, I didn't tell anyone that I even had surgery. Till today, no one in my family or immediate circle of friends even knows that I have even had WLS. 9 years ago, my first two children were still young so they didn't understand why I was away for a few days or why I lost weight when I was home again. My two youngest children have only known me as larger and since I considered my WLS a failed effort I never took the time to discuss it with my children. Since things with my husband and I yo-yo constantly (one moment love, one moment ?, always on the brink of divorce) I don't turn to him for much emotional or physical support. My weight has long been a source of contention in our relationship. I think more than the weight, it's my inconsistency and extremes associated with my eating and exercising and health in general.

Soooooo... Here I am. Your sister and friend in the WLS journey. I could use all the encouragement, advice and support you're able to give. I'll try to give that back to you. I'm just ready to see my life change in all the great ways that I've come to believe WLS helps people achieve.

Peace and healthiness.

Marie.