Bump in the road!!!

The past four evenings have been hell. I started the beginning of the week with feeling like I had a slight stomach bug, just slightly nauseated. Then I vomited in the evening after my last meal of the day. When I would be sick , it was everything I had that day. This has gone on for four days now. I have been on liquids only since last night and tomorrow I am going into the hospital for upper GI and possible IV fluids and CT. I think I may have stricture. I don't go through the day feeling nauseated, I just feel "super full " after the last meal and then HAVE to vomit to get any relief. The most troubling part is the increased pain over my liver. I feel like it is swollen and very tender to touch. More so now than right after surgery.

I am frustrated because I want to advance my diet to soft food and continue to heal. I want to start walking, and working out. I want to get back ot work, seeing friends, and start to enjoy the process of losing weight. I think I'm entering a grieving phase. As the weeks have gone by , I am thnking about all the facets of my life that have revolved around food. A huge part of my family life, my dating life, my social life was filled with activities revolving food. I celebrate the true reasons for gathering with family and friends, but the comfort of eating is gone. I miss it. I know my eating habits were killing me, but honestly, just trying to keep it real, I miss eating sometimes.

This phase is difficult for me. I am starting to lose weight and that feels amazing, but I am still healing. I don't have the energy to do the things I want to do yet. It's like I'm tired of this liquid, or pured diet and just want to eat "regular" food. How soon I have forgotten the days prior to surgery, when I felt like if I could just get surgery and start losing weight, I would never care if I ate again. This is just a bump in the road. I realize this process is going to more difficult at times than I expected .

Today I am sad. I miss my friend "food". It's kinda like breaking up with someone you love but you know they are not good for you. I've decided to feel the feelings and not try to go around them. I'm sad today, but tomorrow is a new day. I'll go to the hospital and do what needs to be done to continue to heal. Just a bump in the road......

It is a grieving process.  And it's okay to experience all of it.  Including being upset about it.  I think it's great that you acknowledge it and realize you are feeling it and that tomorrow is a new day to start up again.  Good for you!
I've been going through some of this exact same thing myself, and I'm getting ready for my surgery.  In preparation, I've been frantically trying to arrange a vacation with my husband--one last big trip where we can hang, eat and not be thinking about my shakes, fluids, and all that stuff.  Yet, with every corner that we turn, every plan we've tried, nothing has worked out.  We tried for three different get-away weekends and finally, I just broke down and cried when my husband just said, "no worries...we'll get away when you're feeling better after the surgery."  I realized it wasn't getting away that I wanted, it was going away and eating all my favorite foods at "our place".  LOL!    Comfort and special foods that only are eaten when we go there on our vacation.  Foods that I'll never eat there again, more than likely.  Or, just have one bite! HA  But, the odd thing, I was grieving the change.  It seemed so odd, but that was exactly what it was. 
I'm ecstatic about the surgery and the coming journey of the change.  But, yes, it IS a change...and with it, comes a process of letting things go. 
Good luck to you!!  You'll do GREAT!

i told my sister last week that i was depressed because i was going through a painful breakup,  it does feel that way, like you think of something and reach for the phone and realise they are gone, or are sleeping alone and feel empty.

i have alot of impulses to eat that i never noticed before,   sit in front of computer,  grab some food. see a box of cookies, eat a coupl.  i never really noticed how much pointless eating i did until i would have a thought or reach for something and stop myself.  it is late and i am bored, whats to munch on?  sorry sleeping alone tonight!!

i am sorry your arent feeling well, it doesn sound like a stricture the way you describe it,  yuck!! i hope they can fix it easily.  if you were felling better and able to eat some variey i am sure you would feel better!

Kat,
You are soo right.  It is a breakup with a really good friend that has been there at every point in your life that you needed a friend.  It was there when no one else was, and now it is time to say good bye.   When I talk to my friends that didn't have WLS surgery, about missing food they look at me like I am truly missing out on something.   It is hard to explain that I am truly not hungry, but I miss food.  I miss the act of eating a lot of food. . I don't want a big bowl of pasta, but I miss the act of eating a big bowl of pasta.

I never thought I would "regret" the surgery, but when my mind thinks of everything that you listed it starts to plant the seeds that my life will never be the same.  It is right my life will never be the same, but in a positive way. 

Just like any break up, it just takes time to grieve.  One day we will wake up and we will feel better.