Living Good with Livengood
Dr. Livengood Presents: Focusing Skills, 9/20/2010
Denise M.
on 9/20/10 10:18 pm
on 9/20/10 10:18 pm
As usual, Dr. L's presentation was quite thought provoking and insightful! My subconscious mind went nuts on this, thinking about it all night. The following is my interpretation of the discussion with a few personal references.
Items in bold are quotes from Dr. L's presentation.
Dealing with Underlying Issues That Cause Me to Want to EAT
Centennial Medical Center for the Treatment of Obesity
Janice M. Livengood, Ph.D., HSP
Athena Consulting and Psychological Services, LLC (615-320-1155)
My mother was quite fond of saying to me as a child, "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!" I don't even remember what I was upset about on those occasions, but I certainly remember those words.
I also remember that on some level, she was telling me--intentionally or otherwise--that my feelings were insignificant. Not important. Perhaps not even worthy of being felt. If my feelings are not worthy, then maybe I should stop listening to them.
This was the beginning of my disconnect. I learned that if I cry and get yelled at for crying, maybe I should distract myself from those feeling that make me cry in the first place. Then I won't get yelled at. That sounds like a plan, right?
So I learned at a young age to stifle my feelings and escape from them. Food was a great tool for distracting myself from feeling my feelings.
Many of us are conditioned through life's experiences to distance ourselves from what we are really feeling. We can be compassionate and caring to our friends or family members who are in emotional pain. Why can't we do this for ourselves?
How often have you found yourself turning to food for comfort, instead of addressing the source of your emotional discomfort? Or when food no longer works, have you turned to shopping, drinking or other destructive behavior to quiet the noise?
Try ditching the self-destruction with focusing techniques, feel your feelings and free yourself from emotional pain.
What is focusing?
Focusing is a skill you can use to get in touch with the things that are truly bothering you by listening to your body.
Instead of doing whatever it takes to make the pain go away, focusing allows the pain to surface in order to acknowledge it, feel it and deal with it.
What we resist, persists. When we bring compassion to our pain, we are no longer resisting it, and there is the possibility of the pain melting away.
Focus involves showing compassion for the part of you that is in pain, instead of burying and resisting the pain through eating or other potentially destructive behaviors.
What are the benefits of using focusing techniques?
:: clarity about what you feel or want
:: reduction of stress is good for the body and can improve immune system functioning
:: can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression
:: can help you get unstuck in life
How do I do it?
The actual process of focusing has several steps. With practice, they can become second nature, much like driving a car. The process is adapted from the book Focusing by Eugene T. Gendlin. Another helpful reference on focusing is The Power of Focusing: A practical guide to emotional self healing by Ann Weiser Cornell, Ph.D.
There are 6 steps or "movements," in the process:
1. Clearing a Space
2. Felt Sense of the Problem
3. Handle
4. Resonating
5. Asking
6. Receiving
First you begin with Clearing a Space. Initially that means get comfortable, find a place where you can be free from distraction. Be alone with y our thoughts--ask yourself "What's bothering me?" and listen. Let all your thoughts bubble past. Don't fixate on any one, just collect them but stay detached. Keep piling up the random thoughts until you feel, "Yes, except for those, I am fine."
Next you ask yourself which problem feels the worst. Don't delve into it; stay detached and objective. Ask what the whole of the sense feels like, the Felt Sense of the Problem. Politely gnore the self-lectures and negative thoughts that may distract you. This will be a challenge, but make contact with this sense until you feel the "single great aura that encloses all of it." According to Gendlin, "The felt sense is the holistic, unclear sense of the whole thing . . . it is murky, fuzzy, vague." If that's what you are feeling, then you're ready for the next step.
Finding a Handle involves defining the core of the felt sense. What is its quality? This can be a word, phrase or image. Don't force words onto the sense, let the essence reveal itself to you. Listen deeply and feel for the twinge or "body shift" that this quality is right.
At this point, you are ready to Resonate the handle and felt sense. Does the word or image handle you got mesh with the felt sense? Do they feel exactly right together? If so, you may feel an emotional release that lets you know you're on target. Transition back and forth between the feeling (felt sense) and the word or image (handle****il they match perfectly. Spend a few minutes letting this be, allowing your body to change with this realization.
Now you can Ask the felt sense directly, "What is it?" Use your handle to make the feeling vividly present itself over and over again. You may be bombarded by a flood of fast answers--ignore these, they're just old knowledge rushing around. By the time you ask the 2nd or 3rd time, the felt sense will answer. Wait for that answer, let it flow out of the felt sense and feel the body shift it creates. It may not come to us when we want, but that's okay. Just spend time coming feeling it, and maybe decide to come back to it later.
Receiving is the process of welcoming anything that comes with a body shift. You are not in the shift, but next to it . . . you have it, but you are not it. You may have an Aha! moment or it may be a subtle shift.
Long story short, the focusing process is a way to bypass the mind's clutter to get to the real underlying issues you are feeling but not truly acknowledging.
This tool trains you to find those underlying issues that are hiding beneath the noise, so that you can address them directly.
The issues are there whether you address them or not. Avoiding them creates dissonance, which you may want to comfort, suppress or otherwise self-medicate with self-destructive behaviors, like overeating.
Focusing allows you to get past the mind clutter, discover the essence of the issue and gives you clarity as to what you want and need. Not easy . . . but worth it!
Items in bold are quotes from Dr. L's presentation.
Dealing with Underlying Issues That Cause Me to Want to EAT
Centennial Medical Center for the Treatment of Obesity
Janice M. Livengood, Ph.D., HSP
Athena Consulting and Psychological Services, LLC (615-320-1155)
My mother was quite fond of saying to me as a child, "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!" I don't even remember what I was upset about on those occasions, but I certainly remember those words.
I also remember that on some level, she was telling me--intentionally or otherwise--that my feelings were insignificant. Not important. Perhaps not even worthy of being felt. If my feelings are not worthy, then maybe I should stop listening to them.
This was the beginning of my disconnect. I learned that if I cry and get yelled at for crying, maybe I should distract myself from those feeling that make me cry in the first place. Then I won't get yelled at. That sounds like a plan, right?
So I learned at a young age to stifle my feelings and escape from them. Food was a great tool for distracting myself from feeling my feelings.
Many of us are conditioned through life's experiences to distance ourselves from what we are really feeling. We can be compassionate and caring to our friends or family members who are in emotional pain. Why can't we do this for ourselves?
How often have you found yourself turning to food for comfort, instead of addressing the source of your emotional discomfort? Or when food no longer works, have you turned to shopping, drinking or other destructive behavior to quiet the noise?
Try ditching the self-destruction with focusing techniques, feel your feelings and free yourself from emotional pain.
What is focusing?
Focusing is a skill you can use to get in touch with the things that are truly bothering you by listening to your body.
Instead of doing whatever it takes to make the pain go away, focusing allows the pain to surface in order to acknowledge it, feel it and deal with it.
What we resist, persists. When we bring compassion to our pain, we are no longer resisting it, and there is the possibility of the pain melting away.
Focus involves showing compassion for the part of you that is in pain, instead of burying and resisting the pain through eating or other potentially destructive behaviors.
What are the benefits of using focusing techniques?
:: clarity about what you feel or want
:: reduction of stress is good for the body and can improve immune system functioning
:: can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression
:: can help you get unstuck in life
How do I do it?
The actual process of focusing has several steps. With practice, they can become second nature, much like driving a car. The process is adapted from the book Focusing by Eugene T. Gendlin. Another helpful reference on focusing is The Power of Focusing: A practical guide to emotional self healing by Ann Weiser Cornell, Ph.D.
There are 6 steps or "movements," in the process:
1. Clearing a Space
2. Felt Sense of the Problem
3. Handle
4. Resonating
5. Asking
6. Receiving
First you begin with Clearing a Space. Initially that means get comfortable, find a place where you can be free from distraction. Be alone with y our thoughts--ask yourself "What's bothering me?" and listen. Let all your thoughts bubble past. Don't fixate on any one, just collect them but stay detached. Keep piling up the random thoughts until you feel, "Yes, except for those, I am fine."
Next you ask yourself which problem feels the worst. Don't delve into it; stay detached and objective. Ask what the whole of the sense feels like, the Felt Sense of the Problem. Politely gnore the self-lectures and negative thoughts that may distract you. This will be a challenge, but make contact with this sense until you feel the "single great aura that encloses all of it." According to Gendlin, "The felt sense is the holistic, unclear sense of the whole thing . . . it is murky, fuzzy, vague." If that's what you are feeling, then you're ready for the next step.
Finding a Handle involves defining the core of the felt sense. What is its quality? This can be a word, phrase or image. Don't force words onto the sense, let the essence reveal itself to you. Listen deeply and feel for the twinge or "body shift" that this quality is right.
At this point, you are ready to Resonate the handle and felt sense. Does the word or image handle you got mesh with the felt sense? Do they feel exactly right together? If so, you may feel an emotional release that lets you know you're on target. Transition back and forth between the feeling (felt sense) and the word or image (handle****il they match perfectly. Spend a few minutes letting this be, allowing your body to change with this realization.
Now you can Ask the felt sense directly, "What is it?" Use your handle to make the feeling vividly present itself over and over again. You may be bombarded by a flood of fast answers--ignore these, they're just old knowledge rushing around. By the time you ask the 2nd or 3rd time, the felt sense will answer. Wait for that answer, let it flow out of the felt sense and feel the body shift it creates. It may not come to us when we want, but that's okay. Just spend time coming feeling it, and maybe decide to come back to it later.
Receiving is the process of welcoming anything that comes with a body shift. You are not in the shift, but next to it . . . you have it, but you are not it. You may have an Aha! moment or it may be a subtle shift.
Long story short, the focusing process is a way to bypass the mind's clutter to get to the real underlying issues you are feeling but not truly acknowledging.
This tool trains you to find those underlying issues that are hiding beneath the noise, so that you can address them directly.
The issues are there whether you address them or not. Avoiding them creates dissonance, which you may want to comfort, suppress or otherwise self-medicate with self-destructive behaviors, like overeating.
Focusing allows you to get past the mind clutter, discover the essence of the issue and gives you clarity as to what you want and need. Not easy . . . but worth it!
