ANXIETY

Today is the family gathering I dread each year! You would think that after all these years it wouldn't effect me so much but yet every year as the day approaches I get more and more anxiety over it! It's not just that it's with 'family' members who I don't really care for because I am very good at just smiling and making small talk if I have to. I always have a huge fear over nasty things that I think may get said to me but in honesty they normally always save their comments until I am gone. So why do I stress so much? And more importantly, how can I stop? I don't care what they think of me and I know I have done nothing but be nice to them. They are just different than I am. They enjoy making fun of people (saying it's only a joke so that makes it ok). I don't agree. I think it is mean and in my mind if I don't go around them then they are out of my life enough to not be able to comment. Ugh. I know this is all childish and petty, but sorry it is how I feel and each year I deal with this. Looking forward to the party being over and getting back to not having this on my mind! I wish all of you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!