An emotional battle - too heavy to be happy but worried about the results of more loss.

So.. I know I just joined today.. however I've had a lot of thoughts recently, so I may be pretty post happy for awhile.     I've been browsing past posts and there seems to be SO much support and caring on this group - I hope to contribute to it continuing! ..

This is my current emotional battle that I'm dealing with ...

3 weeks ago when my husband and I joined a gym it became apparent to me that as he loses / exercises, he will get back to the body he had a few years ago that is tone, fit, sexy, attractive.   Sweet awesomeness I thought! .. (although I adore and love the body he has now too!) 

Later that day I was taking a shower and when I got out and saw myself in the mirror I had a horrific feeling and discovery.  Skin, more skin, and sag.  Everywhere.   I don't like it now and I realized that if I lose another 30 pounds, I'm *really* not going to like it.    My husband will have this tone body because he's never been obese, he's never abused his body to the point that I did and standing beside him will be the lovely woman he adores, but inside that woman is horrified by herself the moment her clothes come off.

It took me 2 weeks of serious depression and moodiness to talk to my husband about these fears and I did yesterday.  He was reassuring, supportive, and loving.  I appreciate that in him with all my heart.   However, this hasn't fixed my dilemma or fear. 

If I think about the situation I feel trapped.   Right now at around 190pds I have skin and sag I can deal with, but I have too much weight, I want to lose! ... but on the other side I feel like I'm going to sabotage myself from losing because I have a constant fear of disliking myself even more when I begin to lose the extra weight. 

I know plastics is a fix and maybe *eventually* it might be a realistic one for me - but having that cost is completely unrealistic in ours lives at this time.

I'm hoping that at least one person here has had this battle or one similar that may be able to give me some thoughts...

Sometimes it is hard to find our happy place.  I had my RNY in March 2006 and lost from 306 to 155.  I had lots of saggy hanging skin but could tuck in most to look okay in my clothes.  I waited until May 2012 to start my plastics to remove my excess skin and have just finished my lower body lift three weeks ago.  I am very pleased with my outcome.  Could I afford plastics?  Not really, but I had enough equity in my home to get what I wanted done and my husband wanted me to be happy with myself even though he was happy where I was at.  Sometimes we have to look at the whole picture.  I would pay $20,000 for a car, wasn't my body and well being worth the same?  My logic I guess.  You look young so you still have time to think about what you want.  I had my plastics at 52 and 53.  I am going to enjoy what I have been given and not regret it a single day!!

I hate that you are feeling this way.  I can commiserate.  You are blessed to have such a loving and caring husband:)

I can really relate to the coming out of the shower and being horrified. My body is fine with clothes on, not so much naked.   I also have an awesome husband who fell in love with me when I was obese, and loves me now.

One of my big fears was the extra skin.  It is one of the reasons that I did not set my goal weight any lower.  The other was that I was scared to go to low and realistically maintain.  My skin is not terrible now, I usually really only notice it when I am working out and I see the extra skin on my thighs and arms.  I have some on my abdomen, but since I have gained a little back, that is where the extra lbs landed- my arms and belly.

As much as I would like them, plastics are probably not in my forecast.  In the end, I am happier to have the skin than the 60 lbs I lost.

I am an old lady, just turned 60 last month, I had polio when I was 5 and was left with a body that worked just fine but with a leg shorter and less muscular than the other.  My mother always called it your "little leg".  I grew up with people staring and making snide comments and making fun of me.  Guess it gave me a bit of a hard shell but it also taught me that I am NOT this shell that I reside within.  I can also say that "sexy" is not the shell either.  Sexy is within YOUR brain. If sexy was anywhere else, then we would all think sexy was the same thing and the human race would have died out at the beginning.  

I think my husband is the sexiest man alive.  I met him online 1996 before scanners, before web cameras etc.  We only got to know each other through the written word and telephone calls (we lived 2000 miles apart).  We were truly honest with each other and when we finally got around to describing ourselves and eventually sent each other pictures through snail mail, we had already gotten to really know each other and the outer shell didn't matter.  I was 48 at that time and for the first time I actually understood what my sisters "saw" in their husbands!!!  Because trust me not a one of them embodied what the world thinks is sexy!!  My husband, the sexy comes from the inside.  He has remained sexy to me at 200 lbs, at 310 and at 240 lbs....in our 15 or so years together the one constant has been that he is sexy to me.  Not still sexy, he will always be sexy to me because of what is between his ears!!!  That's how I know, sexy is not the body.  Advertisers are the one who have brainwashed us to think about their definition of sexy...not what sexy really is!

If you think you are sexy then you act sexy.  Trust me, the brain cells that made you sexy to your husband are still there, they do not go away, you do not loose them.

That being said, I have always said, you must do what you must for your own mental health.  As Tess said, if you must do the surgery, then do the surgery, you finance it.  Mental health is just as important as physical health. But go ahead loose your weight, maybe the extra skin will cause some not serious health issues because I don't wish that on anyone but something will cause your insurance to pay for part of the surgery.

First and foremost, you must get comfortable within yourself, understand that you are not that physical body, you are way more than that.  Continue to come back and share your thoughts, because we are here for you and will give you all the support we can.

What Debra said!!

P.S.  To Debra:  With your thinking as it is, you should never consider yourself old at 60.  You ROCK, lady!

Yep. I am old and so very proud of each and every day I have been alive!!  I am NOT however dead. LOL B

I can't thank you all enough for your words and support.   I read through these at home this morning while I was still in bed (the one day I don't have to be at any job till 11am!.. Woo!).    The comments gave me a boost for my day and got me all teary eyed as many things really hit home.  Thank you all again, so very much.

That's what we are here for....support and encouragement. This is the one place we KNOW we will be understood and not judge!  Humans are emotional and feelings are not rational.  We do however have to have someone to discuss those feelings and someone to validate them.  Feelings are never wrong, because they are ours!  I tell my daughter that all the time, especially when she has said or done something that has hurt my feelings!  She will reply, "Mom you know that's not true and not what I meant!"  I just reply with, "yes on one level I know that but these are my feelings and feelings are not rational, they are just feelings but the do indicate a miscommunication.  So lets talk about it".  That has sure saved her and I alot of grief!  

So...keep coming back.  We care about you!