Dealing with the emotions of regain

I am not sure if this is a great title but maybe it is what I'll end up talking about.

I am struggling with the overwhelming feelings of guilt (I had it all - I mean I wore a size 12!), defeat, and lonelness.

You know how when you are getting surgery that this seems to be the last resort.  I mean what is more radical than RNY - well there are a few but RNY is pretty major.  I had to go to those lengths to loose the weight.  Then my last resort worked but I didn't maintain.  It worked and I didn't .  

I feel like I just can't do it again.  Prior to WLS I had lost 100 pounds 3 times.  I was younger and more optimistic.  Now maybe I just need to learn to be fat and happy.  If you know the secret just share it with me PLEASE!!!  I will get back on track and do OK for a day or two and then slip and FALL.  I used to be able to just slip but now it seems like every time I slip - I gained 100 pounds again.

I feel like I'm the only one who has gained this much.  I see 5, 10 even 35 and wish that was all I had gained.  I feel like everyone who has known me through the entire ordeal is convinced about what a looser I am or feeling sorry for me.  Yuck!  I hate that I wear my addiction to food like a cushion in the world, maybe if it get big enough I can't be hurt.  I know that makes no sense - I not unintelligent but my feelings are messed up!

I know this isn't all rosie and happy but sometime you just have to get real.  For those of you who are doing the things you need to get back on track I am glad you can and are, but I think there are a lot like me whom the overwhelming defeat seems to have won.

Hi Trudy:

I know a regain of 100 lbs. sounds like the end of the world but it is not.  I regain 70 lbs. and found a way to reclaim my size 12 again and you can too.  You need to look at your goals as small not large.  I want you to set a goal of losing just 10 lbs.  no more and no less, just focus on losing 10 lbs.  When you reach that goal, enjoy your victory and set another goal of 10 lbs.  When I was losing my weight for the second time, I set these mini goals.  Every time I lost 10 lbs, I would set another goal of 10 lbs.  I would either add something to my diet or to my walking program.  I started this journey on 800 calories, 80 grams of protein and 1/2 hour walk a day.  By the time I had reached my goal, I was up to 1200 calories a day 100 grams of protein and 1 hour walk a day, everyday.  I lost my 70 lbs. in 8 months.  I did not put a time limit on what I was going to do, I took it one day at a time.  I started my program to lose the regain the day after mothers day.  My daughter asked me on that day was I happy where I was at, at 225 lbs. I was not and it was the push I needed to start again, one day at a time.  Trudy, no one can tell you the secret to your success except you.  Find what you can be happy with, change what you can not be happy with.  You can do this but don't look at the big picture just look at what you can accomplish this month, this week, this day, this hour.  Break it down into small amounts of weight lose in small amounts of time.  You will be a winner too!  I am sending you {hugs} and good wishes for you.

Thank you so much for your response.  Little goals sounds like a great plan.  Because it is such a huge deal.  But I can loose 10 pounds.  I know I can do that .  Just 10.  Just 10.  Just 10. Just 10.  Just 10.  Just 10. Just 10.  Just 10.  Just 10. Just 10.  Just 10.  Just 10. Just 10.  Just 10.  Just 10. Just 10.  Just 10.  Just 10.  I'm telling myself that over and over.

I can detect where I fell, I lost my focus on myself and that is what I have to regain.  That feeling that I'm no good to anyone unless I'm good to myself!  Hey that is a good quote:

I'm no good to anyone unless I'm good to myself.  My husband it ill (end stage renal failure) but I can't help him unless I'm healthy!

Ok - Just 10.  I already had breakfast and it wasn't the greatest but it could have been worse.  Here I go...

Breakfast:  Oatmeal (at least a cup), sausage (2 oz) dried cranberries (3 oz)

snack:  Large Sugar Free Vanilla iced coffee

Lunch :  I have a quest bar at work so quest bar it is.

Supper: Grilled Talapia and asperagus

Snack: Protien Shake

You. Are. NOT. A. Loser!!!  You need to follow a plan - lower your calories, increase your protein and exercise.  You totally know what to do.  One day at a time, one pound at a time.  The ten pounds at a time is great advice.  Surround yourself with healthy food choices - before you know it, you are going to be 2 pounds down, then 5, then 7 then your first 10.  I would also highly recommend finding a counselor to help you deal with the emotional eating or whatever kind of eating you feel has caused you to make choices different from when you first had surgery.

I am 9 years out, 50 pounds of regain.  I do not weigh myself but once a week and then I have my partner hide the scale for the rest of the week.  I have only been doing this for a few weeks.  So I know EXACTLY where you are coming from.  I let go of all the things that I knew to do.  My mother died suddently, I took a medication for depression and WHAM my weight piled back on although I had already gained about 25 of it before then.

Come back to this group and also go to the Bariatric Bad Girls Club (BBGC) on Facebook.  It will change your life again.

You are not alone.  You have a whole bunch of wonderful people who have gone through and are going through exactly what you are going through.

I send you an enormous hug.  Be kind to yourself.  You have taken the very first step - doesn't it feel better?

Ann

It does feel better to have a plan and actually a positive first step.  People at my office are getting taco's - Taco Tuesday.  But I declined!

I did go to counseling for several years - Maybe 3 after my RNY.  Then the counselor and I felt like I wasn't making much progress anymore and the expense wasn't something I could afford any longer (my husband had to take a disability retirement). Anyway definitely something I'd like to think about again.

Maybe just remembering some of the things I learned.  I know that I have a horrible time with black and white thinking about myself - but with others I see all kinds of shades of grey.  Viewing myself as not a failure right now is very difficult.  I wouldn't think you are a failure because you had some regain so I have to see myself with Kind Eyes.  I am not a failure!  I may have to remind myself often.

Thanks for the hug I needed that.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with all these emotions.  You have done it before and you can do it again.  Fall seven times and get up 8!

Thanks!  I think I'm getting up for the millionth time!  LOL  

But I won't give up!  I just get down sometimes.  I then try to talk myself out of it.

This is so great to see all these supportive posts.  We still need to help each other, maybe always will.  

I read your original post, and boy, can I see myself in that!  We do all these great and wonderful things in our lives, take care of loved ones, work, take care of a home, all kinds of things, yet can't give ourselves a break on this weight thing!  It's so hard to think that we've really dealt with a lifetime of frustration over weight-related issues.  But that's what it is.  I have been fat all my life, and I'm still fat!  There it is!  I lost down to size 12 myself, but could not stay there.  I blew it, and I hate that I did, but it is what it is!  I'm 55 years old now, not all that concerned with looks anymore, but I do want to be healthier than I am.  225 pounds isn't a healthy weight for me, so I know that I must ONCE AGAIN work on this.

I like the 10 pounds at a time goal.  I will try to think that way for now.  Honestly, I kinda thought that doing 1600 calories a day would move some weight off, but it hasn't yet (been doing this a month).  I haven't been exercising because of knee problems, but we bought an elliptical trainer that I'm planning to use more.  Straight walking proves to be pretty difficult for me, so I'm going to give this a shot.  I did it a few days, but could only manage about 6 minutes at a time.  But I'm planning to build that up, along with trying to reduce the calories again. That is really hard.  I feel like I'm starving and can't imagine anyone doing 800 a day!  Hoping it won't come to that.

I'm sorry this was rambling.  I just really related to your post, and I'm really trying to keep it real, too.  I hope to see these boards become more active, and have us talk with and support each other. 

Thank you so much for the post!  We can all do this, right?

Carla

I am also glad to see this post. I was banded 6 years ago this week and lost 120 pounds over a couple of years and was still about 80 pounds from my goal weight. I became lackadasical and continued to micro manage everyones business but mine. When I cant eat protein, i eat cheetos, when i don't have time to swallow food, i drink starbucks. The crappy eating is catching up with me and  the weight is creeping back up 35 pound and tight clothes. I have to commit to reversing this self destructive trend and I am so glad this BOTT is here. As my first step, i have sworn off cheetos, frappacinos and downloaded a food tracker and will make an appointment with my surgeon, who I haven't seen in quite some time. Because I have been a bad bandster. I think i will check out the facebook site too, that sounds pretty good...thanks Trudylea for your honest post and the opportunity to jump in with ya....