An old love affair....(slightly ot but you'll understand)

It's all about the love today. I hate that it's so commercialized. Let me share what I've discovered about myself through my old love affairs...

In early  2008 I was in the unhealthiest relationship of my adult life. The man involved was an alcoholic who also had a taste for illegal drugs. I was so convinced that I couldn't do any better or that I didn't deserve anyone better that I accepted the alcoholism and overlooked the drug addiction. Denial was the state I lived in.  I was at my record heaviest...depressed..diabetic and totally in love....with food. My comfort food. Food understood. Food didn't judge. Food didn't expect anything from me in return. Everyday I lost a little more of myself to my own addiction.

Fast forward a few months to August of 2008. I had my gastric bypass. TADA....I declared it the year of the Iris. I kicked out the bad boyfriend. Cleaned out the pantry and fell madly in love with ME. I realized that I was worthy of my own love and acceptance. I became my own best friend. Like any relationship this one wasn't without it's share of problems. It was a learning process. I brought a lot of baggage into the relationship. Honestly, the regain reminds me that I haven't sorted out all of that baggage yet.

At some point the relationship began to transform from the early lust stage into a deeper long term type love. This is when I got complacent. I got comfortable. I opened the door to some of my old friends. I let food come over for an afternoon visit here and there. Food brought laziness and excuses not to go to the gym. Denial moved back in and took up residence. Just like any relationship I woke up one morning and realized that I had fallen out of love. But wait a minute. You can't just walk away from your own body. Some serious counseling was/is in order. I remembered all of the reasons why I had headed down the path toward a healthy me in the first place....guess what? Those reasons have never changed. There was a spark still deep down inside me.

I'm working at rekindling that flame. It's started. It's not the same lusty feeling as I had when I was a newbie fresh out of surgery and dropping the lbs regardless of what I did. The tool is there and in place. Like so many things in life I've had to make that first step again. It was harder this time. But oh so worth it. I'm comfortable in my body but like any house---it could stand for some updating and remodeling. There are scars, both inside and out, that offer proof of having been lived in for a good many years.

With any luck I'll be able to live happily among the ongoing projects I have planned for this old body for a good many years. I've met my prince charming and kissed denial good bye. I choose to live each day as if it were my last and make memories that will last me and my loved ones a lifetime.

I encourage you to rekindle that love affair with that person on your inside who loves you the most. You will have to make the first step...and it won't be easy or without pain. If you're already there ----COngratulations and please encourage those around you.  

-Iris

Not off topic at all.  I think you said very well what we all have experienced.  Thanks for the insight.

Hi Iris

I really enjoyed reading your heartfelt story.  Humbly recognizing and accepting the talents and gifts we have been blessed with and loving ourselves as we share them with others is so important.  "Love your neighbor as yourself" is difficult if you don't first love yourself.  So many problems in our society are because so many people don't love themselves.  They treat others as they treat themselves.  Has Hollywood given us an "airbrushed" image which is impossible to attain?  80% of people think they have an above average IQ.  People strive to be super achievers when normal is really ok.  Loving ourselves for simply being our normal selves is so hard to do and yet accepting our "scars" which gives us our character will make more happy than going to extreme measures to make ourselves "airbrushed and Hollywood perfect".  Happy and healthy is my goal.  Tri